“Historical Figures I Would Marry: An In-Depth Study”


Finished my studying/homework early. Sitting here watching a PBS documentary on hippopotami. Chatting with Nick. And blaming Nick for what’s to come in this blog.

I was planning on having a nice, quiet, philosophical discussion with him tonight, but that plan backfired faster than a hunting trip with Dick Cheney, so instead I bring you this:

 

Historical Figures I Would Marry: An In-Depth Study*

1. Voltaire
Top 3 Reasons

1. He’s witty
2. He criticized the Catholic Church
3. Satire is sexy

Advantages
-The conversation! Think of it!
-Letters to each other! Letters to each other!

Disadvantages
-He seems the type to be difficult to get a straight answer out of

 

2. Socrates (this is based off of Plato’s interpretation of Socrates in his writings)
Top 3 Reasons

1. He died for his beliefs. That’s dedication, people.
2. He taught Plato!
3. He claimed to have a divine voice in his head.

Advantages
-We could talk forever.

Disadvantages
-He’d probably question everything I’d say. That would get old.

 

3. Rousseau
Top 3 Reasons

1. “Penpal” to Voltaire!
2. Basically came up with the autobiography.
3. “The Social Contract!”

Advantages
-Oh, I think we’d have fun.

Disadvantages
-I think the whole “Romanticism” thing would get to me after awhile.

 

4. Plato
Top 3 Reasons

1. Oh, come on, he’s Plato!
2. Philosopher.
3. Writer.

Advantages
-Oh, the rhetoric!

Disadvantages
-Our relationship would probably be strictly platonic.

 

5. Freud
Top 3 Reasons

1. He’s the father of psychoanalysis. I mean, come on.
2. He analyzed EVERYTHING.
3. Have you read The Interpretation of Dreams? Wow.

Advantages
-Again, think of the conversation!
-We could collaborate on things.

Disadvantages
-Neither one of us would ever shut up. Seriously.

 

6. Millard Fillmore
Top 3 Reasons

1. Best president ever.
2. Last words = “the nourishment is palatable.”
3. In the election of 1856 he won one of the highest popular vote percentages of any third-party candidate.

Advantages
-My goodness, everything!

Disadvantages
-None, if you don’t mind never being remembered. Ever.

 

 

Yeah. I should have gone with Matt, Lindsey, and Gary for movies.

 

 

*not nearly as in-depth as it could be, so be thankful for that. And there are only six.

What sayest thou? Speak!

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