Blog 493: in which an ordered list of three items is presented in a clear, concise form

Ha! Three things of interest today.

Number 1: Involving what was written on the chalkboard in the Ag Sci computer lab
Holy crap, who knew things about god scrawled on a chalkboard in the Ag Sci computer lab could make my day?

Let me explain. So I go to the Ag Sci computer lab today (let the madness begin again!) to finish my psychology paper. I get in there and see scrawled on the chalkboard this big long bible verse from the Book of John about how god is merciful and how everyone should trust and believe in him and such. But the best part was what someone wrote on top of it in big, bold letters: “GOD IS DEAD ~Nietzsche.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I mean really—it’s funny because, well, it’s funny, but it’s also bad because it shows a disrespecting of others’ viewpoints. Yeah, we all know religion has no place in schools, but who listens to that? Certainly not Republican Idahoans who major in agricultural science.

I’m making broad, sweeping generalizations now.

I really should stop that.

Number 2: Involving my philosophy teacher
I finally figured out who he looks like. He looks just like my friend Sean. Just like him. It’s really freaky weird. He’s Sean with short hair and a few inches taller. I’m frightened.

Number 3: Involving George W. Bush
Here’s a dilemma…(DO NOT read the end until you get there…it’s worth it, trust me)

With all your honor and dignity, what would you do?  Please don’t answer without giving it serious thought.  By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other.  Please scroll down slowly and consider each line- this is important for the test to work accurately.

You’re in Florida… in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of  water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.  You’re trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is — it’s George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever.  You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world’s most powerful men.

And here’s the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

Hahahahahaha…love it!

I haven’t done a survey in quite a while, do you realize that?

Psychoanalyze Yourself

Don’t read ahead, just answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read what each answer means at the end.

*THE QUESTIONS*
1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. Who is with you?
Matt!

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
I’m seein’ a wooly mammoth here. Is that too out of place?

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
I go “OMG a wooly mammoth!” and he’s all “harrumph!” and we go through this whole elaborate process involving hand to hand (hand to hoof?) combat, eventually leading us to settle our differences via a game of chess (all the while with me being shocked that the word “harrumph” is recognized by spell check). They’re really civilized, wooly mammoths, if you just give them a chance.

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your DREAM house. What does it look like?
It’s tiny. But very colorful. It’s orange and lime green. It’s the most wonderful thing you’ve ever seen.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
Can it have a moat? I’d rather have a moat.

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining room table. What do you see?
Nothing…the table is clean and dust-free and bare. As it should be!

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
It’s one of those Tupperware bad boys.

8. What do you do with the cup?
Take it in and fill it with water to drink for us. We just walked through the woods, after all, and are thirsty.

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself at: what type of water?
The vast ocean.

10. How will you cross the water?
I forge a team of confederates eager to build me a sturdy wooden ship capable of sailing the lot of us to the other end of the earth, and upon it I take a stance not unlike that of George Washington crossing the Delaware. We would endure strife, but we would survive.

*THE MEANINGS*
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important to you.
Awwwww…

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
Haha, good lord!

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
Sweet! Chess will solve all my problems.

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
Hmm…I have to disagree with this one here. I have a very strong ambition to solve my problems.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You’d prefer people not drop by unannounced.
I’m mixed, cause I said a moat. Depends on the mood I’m in and the person involved in the dropping by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
Sad, isn’t it?

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
Hooray! Tupperware is like industrial steel!

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.
It was a rational, well thought out answer, I thought.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
Haha, oh dear!

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.
Interesting.

Yeah, I’m bored.

Waiter! There’s a Matt Farnsworth in my Blog!

About freaking time, too.

Yes, so it’s finally here. And on your birthday as well! And I’m shocked and surprised that MySpace is actually working so’s I can get this up on the correct date and make it even more special (even though it’s like 11:58 and you’re probably sleeping and won’t see this until tomorrow, earliest).

But anyway…

Yes, here is the long-awaited flash. And I must warn you…it will disappoint. I’m not even going to say “might,” because I know it will. It’s only three minutes long. Four if you count the credits. How sad is that? Four months, four minutes. I sincerely apologize for the sucking that this flash will do (and not sexual sucking either, which is even more disappointing, haha).

So here is my obligatory disclaimer that I put on freaking everything: this is not meant to insult. I don’t think it will—it kind of evolved from a “let’s make fun of Matt just for the heck of it” to a “let’s put Matt in crazy situations with Millard Fillmore and see what happens next” kind of thing.

So yeah.

I’m not asking for anything, just a little credit for actually finishing something that I set out to do that wasn’t school-related.

I hope you like (tolerate) it!

The Matt Farnsworth Experience
by
Claudia “Can’t Finish a Flash in Good Time if Her Life Depends on it” Mahler

Enjoy, and happy birthday!

A Dutch man once touched an electrically charged French Petri dish. It was a culture shock.

Man, working in a fast food place for a while sure makes it obvious (or even more blatantly apparent, in this case) when other fast food places are giving you adequate service or really poor service.

Okay, so tonight Nick, being Nick, calls me up at about 10 at night saying that he was hungry and lonely and he wanted me to walk to McDonald’s with him.

Keep in mind I’m not getting anything, so I’m watching this whole process. We get there and there are no people waiting. We stand there for about three minutes before one of the female employees finally comes up to the front with this look of absolute annoyance on her face. The whole time Nick’s ordering she’s just glaring at him. It’s rule number 1 when you’re working the front: smile and act friendly towards the customer. Do not try to kill them with your eyes.

Just as he’s finished ordering a whole horde of people come through the doors, so we step back and wait, assuming that it will only be a minute or so. Well apparently, they didn’t have fries down when we got there (that’s another major rule—ALWAYS have fries down) so they had to put in a new batch in the fryer.

When she is finished taking orders (which were taken with the same evil glares she were giving Nick), she starts putting their orders together. By this point the fries are done (ding, fries are done, ding, fries are done!), but she seems to not be able to hear the buzzer (how, I don’t know) because she goes on doing whatever she’s doing for the other orders for about another minute (which is a long time for fries to be in the fryer past the time limit). Then, when she finally gets them out, she fills all the orders before Nick’s (even though they were after us), emptying all the fries out so that we have to wait EVEN LONGER to get ours!

It was frustrating. But Nick was totally clueless, so it was kind of amusing at the same time.

L’eggo My Ego!

Why? Because I felt like it! I don’t need to justify myself to you people!

The Ego-Boosting Survey
This’ll make you feel good about yourself!

What are you best at?
What am I best at? Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m best at anything. I’m really freaking good at writing essays/research papers. Really good. Never lower than an A, if I recall correctly.

Why do people like you?
Haha, no idea. For the few who really do like me, I think it’s because I know who I am, I know what I want, and I deliberately do what I do. But I’m just spontaneous enough to cause some fun.

What’s your best physical feature?
I’ve been hearing it’s my lips, lately.

What’s your best mental feature?
Well, my medulla oblongata is quite an attractive piece of work, if I do say so myself. No seriously…I can take what I know and make all sorts of connections. I’m really good at connecting things and coming to logical (?) conclusions.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever written?
That short story with Andy, Dave, and the reading ban. I just liked the way it ended. Mysterious like.

What’s the funniest/wittiest thing you’ve ever written?
This. Hilarity. Presidents + chatroom, what could be better?

What’s the wittiest thing you’ve ever said/come up with?
Does the “Lucretia Mac Evil + Tear the Pants off the Sucker = Come on Eileen” thing count as witty? It’s funny, regardless.

What’s the best joke you’ve ever come up with?
A father gong (yes, a gong) is approached one day by his daughter. “Dad?” the teenage gong asks.”Yes, honey?” “Um…well…there’s no real easy way to tell you this, but…I think I’m bisexual.”The father gong erupts into a rage. “WHAT?! BISEXUAL?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOUNG LADY? I THOUGHT YOUR MOTHER AND I RAISED YOU RIGHT!! LEAVE THIS HOUSE IMMEDIATELY!” The young gong runs from the house, crying. As the father gong sits frozen with rage, the mother gong comes up beside him.”I suppose she told you the news about her bisexuality?” the mother asks.”Yes,” the father replies. “But I’m so angry. How could she do this to me after all I’ve done for her?” “I know dear, but there’s nothing you can do. You’ve simply got to let bi-gongs be bi-gongs.”(Get it? Get it?)

What’s the biggest award you’ve ever received?
Probably that Margaret Haggart Writing Award back in 6th grade. Probably not the biggest, but one of the most appreciated.

If you have a Johari window, what are your top traits?
Top how many? Five? I’ll give you five: intelligent, witty, complex, silly, knowledgeable.

Ah, that did kind of help. Ego elation! Ego elation!

!MOOD fo eltiT golB sdrawkcaB ehT

Hooray! So volleyball games started tonight, and dangit, are they fun! I get to hang out with a bunch of cool people who don’t find me too obnoxious!

Also, we got all our shows on the field today, finally. They’re not too great, but they’re on the field. Now I just have to remember them so I can help my squad. What was I thinking, signing up to be a squad leader? I suck.

Ah, no matter. Why am I blogging about this? The two of you (yes, I’m convinced now that only two of you read these) are both in band and know of my rants/ravings/insane fun.

Oh well. Better blog tomorrow.

Why do I always say that?

Math, you’re deriving me crazy!

How many times have I used that joke?

Okay people, I’ve got another school-related question for you. As you already know, I’ve got my three minors: statistics, philosophy, and writing. Statistics and philosophy are essential—they’re highly recommended by the grad school I want to go to. Writing, on the other hand, is an “optional” one that I’m doing just because. So I’m wondering whether or not I should stop pursuing it. I’m thinking this a) because if I go for it, I’m going to have to take eight classes per semester (AT LEAST 21 credits, cause one of those classes will be a lower-credit music class) and b) I want to take Latin or some other equally awesome random classes. If I have a writing minor, I won’t have time to take anything else.

And also—and I’m a little ashamed of this—I want to have a chance to be able to drop math this semester if I need to. I just don’t know if I’m ready for another math class that’s not set up in the super-easy fashion of Polya. I’ll have to read up a bit first (but dropping is a last resort!).

I hate these kinds of things. And yes, I know minors don’t matter at all, really, once I get into grad school. That’s one of the things pushing me towards cancelling writing.

Matt, you’re WAY out of your element!

But that’s okay, cause I found it for you! Custom made.

You can convert me to a z-score anytime, baby…

OH MY GOODNESS I love my tests and measurements class!! I’ve never been so in love with a class in my entire life. It’s all z-scores and t-scores and figuring out the flaws in grade equivalency scores and whatnot…it’s riveting, really! It’s the stuff I want to do.

I know, I know, boring blog, but I just wanted to express the awesomeness of this class and how much I love it. Hooray!

Without thought, what have we?

Do you guys think about this kind of stuff? Cause I do. All the freaking time. Philosophy shall be a terrific outlet for me.

What if we were unable to feel fear? What kind of world would it be?

What if there was no concept of religion/deities/a higher power? What is the human being’s natural state without having to be “responsible” for their actions in regards to some higher creator or force?

What if the original few American colonies had failed? How different would things be if there’d been different people (aside from the Native Americans, of course) trying to populate the middle of the continent?

What if we all realized that all our efforts, all our actions, and all our attempts don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? What would people do then?

What if we had no concept of mathematics?

If a tree falls in the forest…ah, you know the rest.

Haha, win.

Tri-Lamb Material 

82% Nerd, 47% Geek, 82% Dork.

For the record:

Men of Science (hey, that’s a good name for a flash!)


Cadaver For Sale

CadaverForSale.com – How much is your body worth?

Don’t “drag” me down!

Ah, drag shows. How I enjoy them. Claude looked super cool in his new shirt and pants (and “chicks dig me” boxers) and Miss D looked absolutely radiant.

I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Claude looks forward to future drag shows!

Blog 480: In Which I Could List Every Possible Spelling of the City “Coeur d’Alene”

Ooh, major band fun tonight! A group of us trundled in a wonderful little bus up to Coeur ‘d Alene (I should have brought my video camera) and played for a bunch of U of I alumni up there. I’d say the best part was when we were waiting to perform and the gaggle of drunk people came up and starting conversing with Matt, Mike, Beau and I. What fun!

Can’t wait for Boise.

The day that Camus backed into a sumac was the day the palindrome was born!

Ha, well, I was so enthralled with the goings on of yesterday’s gaming fun, I forgot to do my little rundown on my classes of the day! So here they are.

My opinions on the new ones:

Introduction to Research in the Behavioral Sciences (Psychology 218): holy crap. A whole class on writing research papers. Am I in heaven?
Tests and Measurements (Psychology 430): I’ll be tested on tests. How grand. I also find it funny that I almost typed “testes and measurements.” Shows you where my mind is.
Social Psychology (Psychology 320): I wasn’t looking forward to this. But now I am. Sounds fun!

Good semester.

If dyslexics wrote the Constitution we would have the right to arm bears!

Dear god! A new obsession! I need some serious help.

So I went to this “download free PC games” site because I was looking for this old Mac game called “Spin Doctor” (ever heard of it? It was a win) and was hoping there was a Window’s version made. There was!

But that’s not my new obsession.

I was dinking around on said “download free PC games” site, looking for other obscure games from my childhood. I then came across an unfamiliar game entitled “Life and Death.” Intrigued, I downloaded it.

HOLY CRAP IT’S THE BEST 1988 PC GAME EVER!

You play a doctor in a pixilated world with sexy pixilated nurses. You constantly do your rounds, which, so far in my experience, involve you palpating patient’s abdomens and assigning them further observation, medication, x-rays, or surgery for appendicitis. Then you perform surgery, though the furthest I’ve gotten is injecting the antibiotics, mainly because there are no instructions to be found on how to actually operate. The only directions you get are ambiguously-labeled bottles (why the “antibiotics” syringe was labeled with a “B” is beyond me; after trial and error with the “A” syringe that is apparently filled with something that will kill the patient, I finally figured that one out) and the snide comments of your fellow surgeons (“doctor, surely you’re not going to wash your gloves,” “what are you doing with that bottle of blood?” “that’s a rather unorthodox way of sterilizing the skin,” and “you are not authorized to perform surgery!”). But if you mess up, it’s okay—they send you off to “med school” (a closet of a room in the actual hospital) where the teacher gives you a brief, rather directionless description of what you should do next time and you’re off to save more lives. What a grand time, being a surgeon!

I can’t stop playing this freaking game.

Seriously.

I need therapy.

Ronald Reagan was a mean child, always destroying the walls of his playmates’ Lego creations

Well, here we go again! I don’t know whether to jump for joy or skip for sadness. The line-up for today was:

Survey of Calculus (Math 160): I have a message for you, Mr. Math 160…you will not ruin my 4.0! YOU will be the failure, not I! Not I! BWA HA HA! Kill me.
Physical Geography (Geography 100): hopefully this will be fun. I like geo-fun.
History of Ancient and Medieval Philosophy (Philosophy 320): Hooray! I get to just sit and ponder the ancient thinkers for 50 minutes and get credit for it! Bring it, Thales, bring it!
Marching Band: stupid ½ squad. But good otherwise.
Physical Geography Lab (Geography 100L): no opinion. Didn’t have it yet.

I can’t tell if philosophy is going to be difficult or not. I also can’t tell if my squad will be the death of me.

But I can tell one thing…

…Millard Fillmore is the MAN!

Claudia channels Ansel Adams (or fails to, rather)

Yeah. I took these over the summer. I’m just uploading them now. Dork.
And yeah, I know they suck. What do you want, I’m horrible at photography!

A trippy picture of ivy. I call it, “A Trippy Picture of Ivy
The Moon and I“—I was lucky to catch it like this.
Kibbie Rising“—or setting, actually.
Grass of Leaves“—the ivy up the wall of the Ag Sci building.

Comments? Suggestions? Tacos?

The Periodic Table revisited!

Boredom. Pure boredom.

THIS IS WHY I NEED SCHOOL, PEOPLE!

:)

Today was a good day.

And that’s all I have to say.

Oh-ho-ho! Somebody left the water running! I guess all we can do now is count the sunflowers

MARCHING BAND! WOOOOO!

Ah, it’s good to see fellow dorks again. I’ve been in isolation 95% of the summer (a few days with my Moscow friends and about a week in Boise with Matt were the only social interactions I had).

What else was I going to say?

Oh yeah. My dorm room RULES!

What do you do with things you want to buy at a grocery store? You put ‘em in Decartes!

DISCLAIMER: this is all coming from a middle-class white kid from Idaho. Take what you want from it. This is by no means my opinion, because I really don’t know what the right answer to this question is (if there is a right answer at all). It’s just another way of looking at things. Proceed? Yes/No [click yes!]

Okay. Question: our culture is rather focused on promoting differences between races in order to promote tolerance of other peoples’ races, correct? In doing so, though, aren’t we simply a) furthering a different kind of discrimination, and b) doing the exact opposite of what we probably should be doing to promote tolerance?

Let me put it this way: wouldn’t the best way to deal with race and tolerance be to eliminate the concept all together?

Of course, if you know me at all, you know that I’m not speaking at all of exterminating all races until a “master race” is developed. I’m talking about eliminating the concept of race by simply ceasing to bring up racial differences in our culture.

Here, let me try to make a little more sense. This is a problem I see with trying to “play up” racial differences in order to try to promote tolerance and equal opportunities. Let’s take, for example, a hypothetical college who is offering a hypothetical scholarship aimed specifically at those who are of Hispanic background. In other words, if you are Hispanic, you are basically in the running to get this scholarship. The school justifies this action by stating that the scholarship allows the school to become more diverse. Makes sense, right? Well, here’s the problem. By allowing this scholarship to be offered only to Hispanics, isn’t the school discriminating against them?

We (people in the US) are now being taught that there are no intellectual differences between the races of the world, meaning that all races are equally mentally competent and able to perform at the same levels. But this hypothetical school, by stating that they are promoting diversity by seeking out Hispanics especially with this scholarship, is actually disagreeing with this message by promoting that Hispanics “think differently” than the rest of the races, and thus need a special scholarship in order to be recruited by the school. Does that make any sense? By giving a certain race an advantage in the form of a scholarship or a job offering based solely on his or her race, a person, school, or company is actually making the statement that this race needs an extra chance or opportunity in order to compete on the same level as everyone else.

I don’t know if that’s making sense or not. Wouldn’t it be better if all races were given the equal chance, with no special cases or extra boosts for any one? Wouldn’t this removal of race from the formula basically eliminate racial discrimination?

Let me summarize with this: a white guy and a black guy are competing against each other to get a position at a corporation. If we believe what we are taught—that race makes no difference in regards to thinking capacity and ability to perform on the job—shouldn’t both these men be given the same chance to get the job, with neither one getting special advantages? I think downplaying rather than playing up race would be a much fairer and better way to deal with racial issues.

But hey, of course I know of the statistical, historical, and social ramifications of being different races in the United States. I know that not all races have the same economic standings, and that other factors both from present situations and situations in the past influence how races are perceived today and how many opportunities they actually have. I know that it is probably very realistic to be offering special deals and offers to, say, Hispanics, in order to allow them to have opportunities that they may not get simply because they are not white people in America. That’s just the way our country works right now.

So yes, I know all that. I’m just stating this opinion/viewpoint because I think it’s one that is often overlooked.

That is all!

61 Songs about Dental Floss and Other Mania-Induced Productions

Hey people, sorry about that private blog yesterday. Don’t worry, it wasn’t about anyone. It was just some crap I had to vent about myself a little. Fun continues now!

Hello my fine ladies and gentlemen! Today, I realized I wanted a fish for my dorm. A bug-eyed one. Named Bug-Eye. I already have the little weirdo picked out at Pets are People Too.
Problem = I have no pump/bubbler for a fish tank.
Actually, real problem = I have no fish tank whatsoever.

So I’m pissed.

Being pissed, I made this instead!
I dub him “Pilgrim.” It strikes me.

Yes, I know the water and rocks are shifted a bit, but what’re you gonna do? Also, don’t you love the way he turns around?

I’m a loser.

Protected: My first private blog, sorry guys

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Plagiarism! Lies! Deceit! Equestrians!

I have little to say today, so I took a few quizzes. Hoo-hah!

What’s the Part of You That No One Sees?

What’s Your Personality Type?

What Song Should You Strip To?

Had to throw the stripper song in there!

Plus, I am in-freaking-love with Cape Cod Radio Mystery Theatre. Just thought I’d throw that out there. “The Hypnotist” is the scariest thing I’ve ever heard.