Autotune the News: 2009 Edition
I posted this video way back in 2009 when I first saw it, but for some reason that damn “HELL NO, HELL NO, HELL NOOOOOOOO!” was stuck in my head today so now we all get to relive 2009 news.
I forgot how catchy this damn thing was. Lawl, remember when Palin was the most insane republican in the spotlight?
SNOW WAY
Sung to the tune of Frère Jacques:
It is April, it is April
What is this? What is this?
Winter can go die now, winter can go die now
I am pissed, I am pissed
More 5 AM madness
Sock, sock, sock, sock, sock, sock, sock, sock
S H O E S ! !
SOOPAH DOOPAH PARTY POOPAH
I’ve been laughing at this damn Vine for the past 15 minutes.
I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy and I’m not sorry.
IDES OF APRIL
Remember that map thingamapoop that you can color in based on where you’ve lived and how long you’ve lived there?
Probably not, ‘cause that’s not super descriptive or specific. So here’s mine from 2013.
Here’s the updated map to reflect my current state.
(Or province.)
(That was a really stupid joke, sorry.)
That’s…not as different from the 2013 one as I thought it would be, haha.
PSA:
This is a blog.
(I’m a pro at this.)
Hahaha, nice
This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
The beard suits her, haha.
A Thought I Had Today:
We use the same prefix “im-” for both impossible and impossibility, but why do we use “un-” for unstable but “in-” for instability?
I did a bit of internetting to see if I could find a reasonably believable answer. Turns out the word “unstable” dates back to the 13th century and borrows from Old English and Old French, both Germanic languages. Germanic languages use the “un-” prefix.
“Instability,” on the other hand, is slightly newer and dates back to the 15th century. It borrows from Latin; Latin uses the “in-” (or “im-”) prefix.
Both “impossible” and “impossibility” borrow from Latin, hence the same “im-” prefix.
The more you know!
A Mood
It’s 5:30 in the morning and I can’t stop laughing at this stupid thing.
Psst…
I. Fucking. Love. Coldplay.
This is beautiful, oh my god.
If they ever go on tour again and are anywhere near Calgary, I will get a ticket. I don’t care about price.
Vlogs?
Heyo, butt-mongers.
So you all probably won’t even see this blog until well into 2020 or so because that’s how seriously I take posting these stupid things, but a question anyway: would you all be interested in me doing a week of vlogs in place of blogs? The vids would be posted to my blog, of course, and thus count toward the 10,000 days, but they’d be just video.
I probably mentioned this at some point before, but I’m too lazy to go check.
So ha.
WINTER APPROACHETH? WINTER NEVER LEAVETH!
Ah yes, April. The dead of winter.
What the shit, Calgary?
Also, it’s supposed to get to like 50 degrees tomorrow, so guess what’s going to happen to all that snow? Time for sidewalk flooding!
BUH.
Hey, so
I haven’t posted a survey in like a week, so let’s GET ON IT.
How long have you been blogging?
Since May 1, 2006. I’m in this for the long haul, dudes.
Did you go to college?
Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa yes
Where have you traveled?
Uhhhhhhh London, Stockholm, and Helsinki for “overseas,” Hawaii and Alaska for “in the US but TOTALLY NOT TOUCHY FEELY LIKE THOSE OTHER GARBAGE STATES,” and Canada.
Which celebrity do you get mistaken for?
I don’t think I’ve even ever been told I look like a celebrity. Celebrities are usually attractive and I am…well, unattractive.
What are your three biggest pet peeves?
People who have no sidewalk etiquette
People who misquote movies/TV shows
People in general
What is your favorite movie?
Sunshine.
What is your drink of choice; wine, beer, or liquor. Or Water, Soda, Tea?
Water, yo.
What is something you enjoy to do when you have me time?
Thinking. Blogging. I used to draw/write, but I haven’t had time for that in a while.
What is your biggest phobia?
I don’t know if I have one.
Share with us an embarrassing moment of your past?
Existing? Or that “band seminar” incident with Beau, one of the two.
What day would you love to relive again? Why?
July 25, 2009. The reason is private.
If your life was turned into a movie… what actor would your best friend think should play you?
I don’t know if I have a best friend. I have no idea who would play me. Can it be William Shatner?
What are the jobs you had in high school/college/the early years?
Wendy’s employee, custodian for the U of I, in-home caretaker. I also had that lecturer job at the U of I technically while I was in college (getting my math degree), so I guess that counts.
Show us a picture from high school or college.
BOOM!
If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?
Hanover.
Where do you see your life 6 and 1/2 years from now?
That’s…a specific distance into the future. Um…hopefully in a secure, permanent position as an instructor at the U of C, still with Nate, still with Jazzy, still walking my toes off every day.
If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be and why?
19 wasn’t too bad.
Romney picked Paul Ryan to run as his veep. Any thoughts?
Jesus, this survey is old, isn’t it?
UNLESS ROMNEY IS BACK OH FUCK—
FIVE STAR FIVE STAR FIVE STAR
God, that chorus. It’s pure joy. I love it.
Awesome music video, too.
A Thought
As you are all probably very well aware, I have moved around a lot in my life. Yes, most of that was in one city (Moscow), but I’ve moved a lot. Ask my mom.
At some point or another, I have missed living in most of the places I’ve called home, except for that first house on Grant St. (sorry mom) and that shithole I lived in in Vancouver for the first year or so (this one).
Another place that I’ve (surprisingly) not missed very often? My place in London, ON.
I miss the dorm room sometimes because it was so unlike a dorm room and more like a little apartment and I had it all decorated and pretty (this one), but I really don’t miss London at all.
I don’t know if that’s because those 70-ish days I spent there were part of a very bad time in my life or what, but I just didn’t enjoy it there. I knew I shouldn’t have gone, but I went anyway. And then had to come right back, haha.
That was really a rough time. Maybe I’ll tell you all more about it someday.
Maybe not.
THE BROCCOLI KING
So I just realized that I’ve been having the same thing for dinner for approximately 10 years (there’s been a little variety in there, but not much) and have never shared it with you.
So here it is!
What’s in it?
- Penne pasta
- Broccoli
- Feta cheese
- A little olive oil
- More black pepper than a human being should have in a week
Super simple and super tasty. I found the recipe in Vancouver on one of those rubber bands that holds bunches of broccoli together and have been making it ever since.
YAY SORRY I AM BORING
In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and Texas
Alright, so I know I’ve mentioned this before on this blog (at least once), but I am super excited about my own death. Ultra morbid, I know, but the idea of my own death is so fascinating. Death is for certain. It will happen. It’s something that I can 100% count on to happen. How many things in this world have that level of certainty?
It’s just so exciting to me to know that I have something that unavoidable in my future. Something that, no matter what I do, will take place. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I know it will occur.
Does anyone else feel that way? Like, everything else in life you’re like, “sure, that might happen to me someday. But maybe not.”
But death?
It’ll happen. And that’s cool.
Big Bud
ZOMG, this little store has the coolest, retro-est little colorful clothes. I should get a few snazzy shirts.
Sorry, that’s all I’ve got today.
Edpool
The highway scene in Deadpool overdubbed with sound effects from Ed, Edd, n’ Eddy? FANTASTIC.
Ed makes a great Deadpool, honestly. And this made me realize just how sound effect-heavy EE&E was. Such a good cartoon.
BASEBALL BASEBALL BASEBALL
Holy freaking crap apples, I’d forgotten how much I missed watching baseball. The season started yesterday and so Nate and I watched the Mets game last night (they won, yay!) and are spending today watching a few of the other games from yesterday/today.
(Because Good Friday is a “you get the day off from work” holiday up here, which is weird to me.)
So despite the fact that it’s super cold and windy outside right now and it feels more like early February than ALMOST FREAKING APRIL, spring has now officially begun because baseball has started up again.
Yay.
WOO!
So this week has sucked royal nuts for various reasons. But today I got an email from Jim saying that STAT 213 in the spring was suddenly available and that it could be mine if I wanted it.
And I had to very calmly reply “yes plz give” without actually being like “YES PLZ GIVE!”
So yeah. I get two classes this spring: STAT 213 and STAT 217. I’ll hopefully be getting STAT 217 in the summer, too.
(And, you know, more classes in later semesters as well.)
Oh, HowToBasic
This is his best video yet. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while.
As someone who is allergic to pineapple, this is relatable.
Just skip this one
It’s cold outside and I hate myself and I hate my life so have a survey because I also don’t care about this dumb blog anymore either.
What’s the coolest item you’ve found at a garage sale, flea market, etc.?
I’ve found quite a few snazzy clothes at garage sales, but I can’t think of anything specific right now.
Describe how your day went yesterday.
Terribly. Just like every other day. Go away.
Do you have issues with people entering your personal space? What do you do when your personal space is violated?
I don’t have too much of a personal space, believe it or not, if I’m just at my desk or standing around or whatever. But if I’m walking down the sidewalk and you’re within like 30 feet of me behind me? Fuck off. I don’t like being followed when I’m walking.
What is the one meal recipe you think you’ve mastered?
My penne pasta/broccoli thing. It’s practically the only thing I ever cook.
If you could take back something you did to someone, what would it be?
I would have not overreacted so much to breaking with Matt. Sorry, friend. It was my first relationship and I had yet to be emotionally calibrated by a breakup.
Would you describe yourself as spiritual, religious, or something else?
Neither. I am not religious at all and I don’t really know what people ever really mean when they say they’re “spiritual,” so yeah.
Did you ever receive detention in school? What sort of kid were you in school – bookworm, smart kid, troublemaker, quiet … etc.
I got detention once. 8th grade math. We were doing stuff with perfect squares and I wouldn’t stop making stupid jokes about it (e.g., “why aren’t there perfect rectangles, durrrrrrr”) so my teacher gave me 15 minutes of detention. Other than that I was pretty quiet.
When’s the last time you ran a mile? How often do you exercise?
I ran back in January for the first time since busting up my leg (only for like two miles ‘cause I didn’t want to hurt it), but haven’t run since because shortly after I got back to Calgary I tweaked the leg again and I’m kinda terrified to push it beyond what I normally do.
But I exercise by walking 15 miles a day six (usually) days a week.
Because, you know, that’s not pushing my leg at all.
What would you say to your 16-year-old self, and why?
“End it now.”
What are you avoiding?
Everything.
Describe a “Hah! I told you so” moment you had recently.
Every damn day looking at the U.S. Government. Which is why I have backed far off news reports except in the very broadest sense.
What’s more important, where you live or what you do for a living? Why?
What you do for a living. I suspect that if you’re happy enough in your job, you can tolerate pretty much any location. Not true for the reverse.
Swear words: Are you pro or con? Why
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YES
Paper or plastic? Do you prefer to pack your own groceries?
I either huck everything into my backpack bagless or get plastic, mainly because we use the plastic bags as trash bags in our little bathroom, bedroom, and Jazzy litter box trashcans.
Do you have a shoe fetish? How often do you buy new shoes? Do you ever get rid of a pair of shoes?
I don’t have a shoe fetish. But I buy new walking shoes a lot because I burn through them very quickly. I can usually get them to last about 600-700 miles, which takes me about a month and a half or so. I also have issues getting rid of my old walking shoes. That seems so insulting to them. So I have a giant pile-up of them in my closet.
News Flash Part II:
I also have a lot of eyeshadow.
Some of them I’ve had since high school, which is kind of scary. And before anyone says it, yes, I know that like the maximum “safe to use” time on makeup is like 24 months depending on the type of makeup but my eyelids have yet to fall off from old makeup, so fight me.
Some of my favorites:
NYX – “Mermaid”
Covergirl – “Lime Alive”
Prestige (I don’t know the color name; this one is from JUNIOR HIGH and the back info is all worn off. This is the perfect orange, though)
Wet n’ Wild – the “Poster Child” palette
Wet n’ Wild – the “Not a Basic Peach” palette
Emori
NYX – “Ultimate Brights” palette (all of these are fantastic)
e.l.f – “Moss,” “Solar”, “Heat,” and “Candy”
Eigenblogger 