Siiiiiiiiigh…
I feel like crap today, so I went to Hastings to get some music. I bought a CD from a band called Statistics (for obvious reasons), and it’s actually not too bad. No Promises is pretty snazzy.
Sorry most of these have been so short. September’s always a month that drags (or sucks).
Analysis failure, yet again
So, I was going to do this huge comprehensive statistical analysis of my music library (1,300-some-odd songs), but I decided that it would require way more effort than I feel like making right now, so I just made a silly little bar graph showing the number of songs I’ve downloaded (since February 9, 2008) and at what times of the day I’ve downloaded them. Observe and be amazed!
Oh, and the 20 showing up at 6 AM are from a bunch of songs I imported right before work one morning because I knew that I’d go insane without them.
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of.
HOLY CRAP, I just found the best genre of music EVER.
It’s called “math rock” and it’s weirder than hell. I was surfing the Clock Crew forums (the forum where the philosophical question about the farts was) and was reading the “what are your favorite songs?” thread.
This one guy posted a song called Atlas, by Battles, and said it was a really good dance song. I, of course, always in need of good dance song, decided to download it and listen to it.
Let me tell you something. If LSD were music, it would be math rock.
These are the lyrics to that song:
People won’t be people when they hear this sound
That’s been glowing in the dark at the edge of town
People won’t be people, no
The people won’t be people when they hear this sound
Won’t you show me what begins at the edge of town
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The kitchen is the cook Woah-ay-oh
The scissors are the barbers Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The chorus, full of actors* Woah-ay-oh
*The chorus doesn’t matter (last verse)
Now imagine these lyrics in an electronically-altered falsetto. With a duration of a little over 7 minutes.
The next time somebody asks me if I have a pair of scissors they can borrow, I’m going to scream “THE SCISSORS ARE THE BARBERS!” and run off in the opposite direction.
I’m awesome.
This music video is basically porno
This song is called “Call On Me” by Erik Prydz. It’s one of my favorite songs. And the music video to it is amazing.
This thing is basically porn. It’s better than porn. It’s scantily-clad women in 80s outfits doing obscene things with towels. I love this song even more every time I watch this.
I wish the rec center offered classes like this, man.
I’d go.
The best songs in the universe. Go.
I have discovered several really, really good songs recently. I shall share them with you now.
The Riddle by Gigi d’Agostino (this is the best song in the universe, guys, seriously).
Saturdays by Cut Copy (this is the second best song in the universe).
Go Into The Water by Dethklok (yay!).
Viva la Vida by Coldplay (Coldplay’s alright, but I love this song).
Cara Mia by Mans Zelmerlow
Sang Om Ingenting by Kobojsarna (holy crap, it’s Swedish and it’s awesome).
Woohoo! Go give your ears some ecstasy. Listen to these songs.
U Can’t Prove This
OH MY GOD I SURVIVED SYMBOLIC LOGIC.
So in celebration of this, I wrote a song.
It’s sung to the tune of—of course—M.C. Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This.
Oh, and Dr. O’Rourke, if you EVER happen upon this for some reason, I want you to know that this is totally proof (ha! Get it?) that your class had an impact on me and that I loved it. This is dedicated to all of us who, for some reason or another, take a long time to wrap our heads around proofs. Where the free time to write this drivel comes from, I will never know.
Onward!
“U Can’t Prove This”
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
My, my, my, Symbolic Logic, it’s so hard
Makes me say oh my Lord
It seems okay when you’re doing truth tables,
Translations, worlds, you feel quite able
But then you get to problem set four
Crap like you’ve never seen before
Gone are the days of logic bliss
You throw up your hands and say, “u can’t prove this”
I told you, freshman, u can’t prove this
Yeah that’s how we’re graded and you know, u can’t prove this
Look at this statement man, u can’t prove this
Yo let me bust the logic lyrics, u can’t prove this
Boole and Tarsky, Wittgenstein
You start missin’ these guys when you enter the land
Of proofs, it’s quite sad
Who knew philosophy could kick your ass?
Can’t prove a thing without some guidance
Wish you’d taken computer science
But now you’re stuck
You know this class is gonna test your luck
Make it known you can’t get the groove
That this is a statement you can’t prove
Yo I told you, u can’t prove this
Why you standing there man, u can’t prove this
Yo sharpen your pencil, logic class is startin’, u can’t prove this
Then you start to understand
The relief you feel is oh, so grand
But then Prof says, “oh there’s more”
Gives new rules, subproofs galore
And now you’re screwed
Just when you thought your struggle was subdued
You’ve got this “if, then…”
So you go through the pain all over again
Assume P, or not P?
Who the hell knows, it’s all Greek to me
It’s hard because you know
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Break it down!
Stop. Logic time.
Go with the flowchart it is said
If you can’t prove the former than you’re probably gonna dread
These quants—they’re real tough
You’re trying to learn more but you’ve had enough
Of these rules—they’re absurd
What do they expect, you’re no logic nerd
Backwards E’s and upturned A’s
Out the window flies your grade
A, B, C, D, F, yeah, u can’t prove this
Look man, u can’t prove this
You’d better do the extra credit, boy, ‘cause you know you can’t prove this
Ring the bell, it’s logic time, break it down!
Stop. Logic time.
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Break it down!
Stop. Logic time.
Every time they see you, you’re working on these proofs
You’re hunting like a bloodhound, a modus pollens sleuth
Now how could you ever increase your proving speed
When you can’t seem to prove concisely what you need
You’ve done so much already, there’s so much more to do
It’s subproof new subproof ‘nother subproof twelve subproofs and you’re hardly half way through
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Yeah, u can’t prove this
I told you, u can’t prove this
Too hard can’t prove this
Get me outta here, I can’t prove this
People underestimate the genius of Weird Al. This is hard. And it doesn’t help that this song is like five minutes long.
Cue Christian Uproar over iTunes’ Latest Freebie…Now!
Guys…wow. This is one of iTunes’ free songs this week. The lyrics are amazing. I’m just waiting for the Christian uproar.
And the week after Easter, too! How appropriate!
“She Left Me for Jesus” by Hayes Carll (imagine a nice southern twang to this guy’s voice…it is a country song, after all).
We’ve been dating since high school
We never once left this town
We used to go out on the weekends
And we’d drink ’till we drowned
But now she’s acting funny
And I don’t understand
I think that she’s found her
Some other man
(Chorus)
She left me for Jesus
And that just ain’t fair
She says that he’s perfect
How could I compare
She says I should find him
And I’ll know peace at last
If I ever find Jesus
I’m kicking his ass
She showed me a picture
All I could do was stare
At that freak in his sandals
And his long purdy hair
He must think that I’m stupid
Or I don’t have a clue
I bet he’s a commie
Or even worse yet, a Jew
(Chorus)
She’s given up whiskey
And taken up wine
While she prays for his troubles
And has forgot about mine
I’m gonna get even
I can’t handle the shame
Last time we made love
She even called out his name
(Chorus)
It could have been Carlos
Or even Billy Thornton
But if I ever find Jesus
He’s gonna wish he were dead
Amen!
I think he should make this into a theme for his next album.
“God Ain’t No God if He Can’t Turn Water into Coors Light”
“I Named My Son Judas and That Little Bugger Ratted Me Out to the Feds”
“My Wife Says Our Son is the Son of God, I Say She’s a Cheatin’ Whore”
Etc.
This substantially improved my day.
Silly Godot…Watches are for PUNCTUALITY
So what brilliant person decided which countries were which movements in that song we’re playing in concert band? Seriously, they’ve got like a 60% failure rate. Observe:
The Introduction Thingy
This doesn’t count. It’s the introduction thingy.
The First Movement—Destination: France
Status: FAIL!
This song does not strike me remotely as French. France does not jive to the 3/2 time signature. France is waltz. France is stuff composed by Ben Charest for The Triplets of Belleville. This is French. Crappy, slow, “I’ve-dropped-le-baguette-in-le-Riviera-and-I’m-le-tired [obscure “The End of the World” reference]” is not French. Bulgarian at best. But not French.
The Second Movement—Destination: England
Status: WIN!
This song captures perfectly London on a cold, foggy morning. All we need is the ominous tolling of Big Ben in the background and I feel like I’m back in London being swarmed by pigeons. Success.
The Third Movement—Destination: Italy
Status: FAIL!
Italy? Italy?! No, no, no…three words: IRISH, DRINKING, and SONG. Further evidence that this should be a drinking song is produced in the 40 measure-long rests that are in place as to allow the clarinet sections to go to the pub before continuing with their parts.
The Fourth Movement—Destination: Spain
Status: FAIL!
Things conjured up in my mind when I think of Spain: castanets, running with the bulls, Ernest Hemingway, “Toro!”, and…well yeah, that’s about it. Nowhere does this list say anything about “depressing, funeral-esque music.” We decided the song was after a fatal goring during a running of the bulls, and we were mourning.
Still…where are the castanets, freaking people?!
The Fifth Movement—Destination: Germany
Status: WIN!
*singing along with the 2nd clarinet part* “AH! YES! I’m a German male!” (more lyrics with which to annoy Torrey to come).
This is a mighty powerhouse of a movement. The Germans would approve.
Yeah, that’s all I’ve got for today.
Song alphabet! Cause I’m all about plugging my taste in music lately
I saw this on some forum somewhere and thought it was a good idea. So I went through all my songs on my iPod and picked out my favorite from each letter of the alphabet. Some were very difficult, as you will see in the honorable mentions.
And…go!
30 Second Song—Wizo
Another Postcard—The Barenaked Ladies
Back on the Chain Gang—The Pretenders
Call on Me (Radio Edit)—Eric Prydz
Disco Inferno—The Trammps
Everytime We Touch (Radio Mix)—Cascada
Frontier Psychiatrist—The Avalanches
Get Down Tonight—KC and the Sunshine Band
Hey Ya—Outkast
It’s My Life—Bon Jovi
Juliet—LMNT
Killer Queen—Queen
Life is a Highway—Rascal Flatts
Metro—The Vincent Black Shadow
Not Ready to Make Nice—Dixie Chicks
Odysee (Radio Mix)—Scarf!
Philosophia—The Guggenheim Grotto
Q (empty due to lack of ‘Q’-titled songs)
Radio Nowhere—Bruce Springsteen
Shake It—Metro Station
Take On Me—Aha
Uptown Girl—Billy Joel
Video Killed the Radio Star—The Buggles
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go—Wham!
X (empty due to lack of ‘X’-titled songs)
Year 3000—Jonas Brothers
Zoot Suit Riot—Cherry Poppin’ Daddies
Honorable mentions:
The Bad Touch—Bloodhound Gang
Fidelity—Regina Spektor
Pieces of Me—Ashlee Simpson (no, I am not ashamed—I freaking love this song)
Satellites (US Mix)—September
SexyBack—Justin Timberlake
Wow…that’s pretty strange that I never repeated an artist. Oh well, I guess that accurately reflects my library as a whole—it’s rare for me to have more than one or two songs by a single artist (with several exceptions, of course).
Hope you likey!
You do this too, so I can see what songs you weirdos like.
Waiter! There’s a circular argument in my logic!
Oh my goodness, I just saw the funniest Family Guy I’ve ever seen. Peter got a look at Chris’ penis and became rather jealous. The whole thing with the “penis car” going in and out of the tunnel just made my freaking day. Wow.
So in lieu of that, I present some unrelated information: good songs you should download. Why? BECAUSE WE KILL THINGS! (totally unrelated Retarded Animal Babies reference, sorry).
Angel by Joee
Omnibus by Lautsprecher
Dr. Who by Orbital
The W.A.N.D. by The Flaming Lips
Oh dammit, they’re all techno except for that last one!
Sure, he wrote it, but the Grammy is MINE!
My iPod’s shuffle is a good songwriter for an iPod’s shuffle. I put my songs on shuffle and pulled the first line out of each song. I got this:
I never knew
Been so long since I met you,
See I don’t know why
I told another lie today.
I tried my best
I would like to reach out my hand.
Looking at your picture from when we first met
I can’t remember the last time that we kissed goodbye.
You’re a song,
It’s all because of you.
Asterisk!
Okay. It’s Friday and I don’t have any classes today, meaning I’m even more bored than I have been. This is what came out of said boredom. Apologies to Mr. Timberlake; I hope Sexy doesn’t cause you too much trouble.
“Easy Mac” (sung to—what else?—the tune of “Sexyback”)
[Verse 1]
I’m making Easy Mac
There’s macaroni and a cheesy pack
I think it’s quite a little handy snack
But if I don’t brush it’ll give me plaque
Take ’em to the bridge
[Bridge]
Microwave
It’s so much easier
I ain’t no slave
To boil water I’m just not that brave
So this new Easy Mac is what I crave
Take ’em to the chorus
[Chorus]
Mix it up
Go ahead, and stir baby
In the cup
Go ahead, and stir baby
M-A-C
Go ahead, and stir baby
It’s for me
Go ahead, and stir baby
3:30
Go ahead, and stir baby
Look at the cheese
Go ahead, and stir baby
It makes me smile
Go ahead, and stir baby
It’s the new style
Go ahead, and stir baby
Making Easy Mac
Go ahead, and stir baby
Making Easy Mac
Go ahead, and stir baby
[Repeat 6 times]
Making Easy Mac
[Verse 2]
I’m making Easy Mac
It’s so insane I have to double back
Watch it spin ’round and then come right on back
It’s burning up I gotta get it fast!
Take ’em to the bridge
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I’m making Easy Mac
It’s so tasty I’m taken aback
I hope it doesn’t cause a bad attack
Cause if it does I will bring Sexy back
Take ’em to the chorus
[Chorus]
Put that in your hickory-smoked sausage and exploit it!
I’m not one to post song lyrics very often—I think it’s pretty pointless unless you explain why you’re doing it.
So here’s my explanation for this: possibly the coolest free song iTunes has ever offered. I love the rhythm and the lyrics.
“Philosophia” – the Guggenheim Grotto
When we’re young we set our hearts upon some beautiful idea
Maybe something from a holy book or French philosophia
Upon the thoughts of better men than us we swear by and decree a
Perfect way to end the war of ways the only way to be a…
Work of art, oh to be a work of art
But in time a thought comes tugging on the sleeve edge of our minds
Perhaps no perfect way exists at all, just many different kinds
Oh but if it’s just a thing of taste then everything unwinds
For without an absolute how can the absolute define…
A work of art, oh to be a work of art.
I just think it’s cool.
Oh, and this:
“Federal endorsement of a deity violates the U.S. Constitution.” My change for the day.
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, I just did the Fandango (nearly killed me, too!)
My MySpace profile song…this is causing me about as much anguish as the font I use on MSN Messenger. “Why?” you say as you frantically check my profile page to see what strange song I have up today. “It’s just a song.”
Just a song? Just a song? No, my dear friends. It is not just a song. When you visit someone’s page and the song doesn’t appeal to you, do you mute it? I do. What if it’s just one of those mainstream pieces of crap? Muuuuuuuute.
I personally think that a profile song should be an extension of the person’s being. Don’t you?
So sue me if I can’t stay with a constant song. I have yet to find one on MySpace that matches with my personality.
Sure, if they had the Butt Song or KC & the Sunshine Band’s “Shake Your Booty” on there, hell yes, I’d have a song!
But they don’t.
So I’m stuck.
Waiter! There’s a(n) [insert item/person] in my [insert thing that makes you sound witty]!
I went to the library today. I made some last-minute touches on my stats problems, and was done with my homework for the day (at least, I was done with everything I wanted to do). So I went wandering around the library and noticed for the first time (cause I’m an unobservant weirdo) that there were a couple racks of music CDs on the first floor. I went over there and checked them out. Then I did something I’ve surprisingly never done before: I listened to some Mahler.
And I didn’t think it was half-bad.
But then again, I have about as much music-critique authority as a ferret raised entirely on Eminem, so what does my opinion matter?
But it was fun regardless.
Give up the Underwear!
HOLY CRAP!
I just saw a commercial with The Butt Song as its music! I’m going into an orgasm!
It was a car commercial. I can’t remember for which car, cause I was too busy gettin’ down and singing and imagining that a fellow clarinetist was standing beside me gettin’ down and singing, too.
I love the butt song. Haha.
“Tamacun!” Subway!
Really cool thingy happened! So I have no money left on my flex dollar thingy, and I didn’t want to go get something at Bob’s, and I wanted to avoid doing my Core paper/math/English/everything else, so I walked to Subway for dinner. I brought my iPod. On the way back, I was listening to this really kick-ass Spanish song I downloaded (“Tamacun”). Due to marching band, I was walking in step to the beat. I passed this guy on a deserted sidewalk, and he was, it seemed, stepping in beat to the same music. It was really cool—I imagined this really awesome short film someone could make where two people in the same situation are passing, then a flash of light and they’re on a dance floor performing an elaborate dance, the dance ends, a flash of light again, and they’re just passing by back on the street again.
I’d make an animation of it, except I suck at flash still.
What the…?
This is one whacked out song…especially if you hear it. It’s got this nice, upbeat, Caribbean tempo:
“I wonder why nobody don’ like me?
Or is it de fact dat I’m ugly?
I wonder why nobody don’ like me?
Or is it de fact dat I’m ugly?
I leave my own-a house and go
My children don’t want me no mo’
Bad talk inside de house dey bring
And when I talk dey start to sing
“Mama, look-a boo boo,” dey shout;
Dem mama tell dem, “Shut up you mout’,
Dat is you daddy.” “Oh, no!
My daddy can’t be ugly so!”
“Shut you mout’, go away.”
“Mama look-a boo-boo dey.”
Ugh!
“Shut you mout’, go away.”
“Mama look-a boo-boo dey.”
I couldn’t even digest me supper
Due to de children’s behavior
“John!” “Yes, pa!” “Come here for a moment,
Bring de belt, you’re much too impudent.”
John says it’s James who started first
James tells the story in reverse
I drag me belt from off me waist
You should hear dem screaming all round de place
So I began to question de motha’
“Dese children ain’t got no behavior!”
So I began to question de motha’
“Dese children ain’t got no behavior!”
“Dey’re playin’ wit’ you,” my wife declare
“You should be proud of dem, my dear”
Dese children were taught too bloomin’ slack
Dat ain’t no kind of joke to crack.
Mister Harry Belafonte, I always expected more from you, young man. Especially since that “Day-O” song.
A song about smell?!
So I was at the U of I recreation building yesterday, working on my arms (because they’re incredibly weak and pathetic ) and this song comes on over the radio. It’s lyrics went something like this (at least, this is the part I could make out):
“Oooh, that smell
Can’t you smell that smell
Oooh, that smell”
etc, etc.
This song kinda freaked out. I went home and looked it up and it’s called “That Smell” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I’m not weirded out by it because I can’t smell…it’s just a weird song. A song about a smell.
Called “That Smell”.
Hm.
Eigenblogger 