Tag Archives: country

Cue Christian Uproar over iTunes’ Latest Freebie…Now!

Guys…wow. This is one of iTunes’ free songs this week. The lyrics are amazing. I’m just waiting for the Christian uproar.

And the week after Easter, too! How appropriate!

“She Left Me for Jesus” by Hayes Carll (imagine a nice southern twang to this guy’s voice…it is a country song, after all).
We’ve been dating since high school
We never once left this town
We used to go out on the weekends
And we’d drink ’till we drowned
But now she’s acting funny
And I don’t understand
I think that she’s found her
Some other man

(Chorus)

She left me for Jesus
And that just ain’t fair
She says that he’s perfect
How could I compare
She says I should find him
And I’ll know peace at last
If I ever find Jesus
I’m kicking his ass

She showed me a picture
All I could do was stare
At that freak in his sandals
And his long purdy hair
He must think that I’m stupid
Or I don’t have a clue
I bet he’s a commie
Or even worse yet, a Jew

(Chorus)

She’s given up whiskey
And taken up wine
While she prays for his troubles
And has forgot about mine
I’m gonna get even
I can’t handle the shame
Last time we made love
She even called out his name

(Chorus)

It could have been Carlos
Or even Billy Thornton
But if I ever find Jesus
He’s gonna wish he were dead

Amen!

 

 

I think he should make this into a theme for his next album.

 

“God Ain’t No God if He Can’t Turn Water into Coors Light”

“I Named My Son Judas and That Little Bugger Ratted Me Out to the Feds”

“My Wife Says Our Son is the Son of God, I Say She’s a Cheatin’ Whore”

 

Etc.

 

This substantially improved my day.