My TOENAILS
So the toenails on my right foot are now starting to turn all black and gross and twisted. Will they get as bad as the toenails on my left foot?
Only time will tell!
Am I going to keep blogging about my insanely disgusting toes?
Only time will tell!
(Yes. Yes I will.)
What am I supposed to do with my toenails?
What are these?
What even are these?
Look at that middle one. It’s got layers.
D I S G U S T I N G.
I am DISGUSTING. This is DISGUSTING.
Remember those early 2000s (?) commercials for that toenail fungus medicine where the little animated fungus lifted up a toenail and crawled underneath?
Edit: LAMISIL! Yeah, this son of a bitch:
Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you…my toenail can basically pull this same move now. OBSERVE!
THIS IS WHAT DISTANCE DOES TO YOU
OH GOD THE BLISTER HURTS
OH MY GOD this is the most painful blister I have ever had in my entire life.
Typically when I have a blister on my foot, it will hurt for the first mile or so of a walk and then my body will realize that I’m not going to stop walking because of some measly blister and will turn the pain receptors off. It’s super convenient.
But not this blister.
Not today.
It was feeling a little better during the middle of my walk, but by the time I had about five miles left it was hurting so badly that I was almost crying. And I like to think that I have a pretty high pain tolerance.
(Example: I’ve had to dig chunks of glass out of the bottoms of my feet/toes with tweezers before – no crying there. I cut and removed stitches out of my leg before because I didn’t want to go back to the doctor – no crying there, either.)
OUCH. Maybe if I wrap the hell out of it with bandages/tape it won’t be too bad tomorrow. I have to run on it, too, so that will be fun.
BLISTER
My entire little toe on my right foot is a blister.
Like, almost literally, the entire thing.
I have no idea why I sometimes get blisters but 99% of the time I don’t…it’s not like I alter how much I run/walk by any huge amounts week by week.
Anyway.
IT HURTS.
The Ongoing Saga of Claudia’s Toenail: An Update
So in a fit of jealous rage over my middle toe getting all the attention, my second toe decided to turn all black and blue for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
So now I’ve got this nonsense going on:
Party time.
The Ongoing Saga of Claudia’s Toenail
So remember when my years-blackened toenail decided to get some therapy to get over his issues and eventually found a way to shed the dead upper toenail layer in order to allow the healthy(-ish) toenail layer thrive from beneath?
Yeah, I accidentally rammed him into a weight a few nights ago and now he looks like this:
Life’s rough.
It’s Post Toe-matic Stress Disorder okay I’m done.
Today I performed an exorcism of the demons living in my toenail
And by “exorcism” I mean “I cut my toenail.” But the level of effort was comparable to an exorcism.
So for quite some time now, my toenail has looked like this demon-possessed thing:
Basically, it turned black and the toenail started to kind of slide off, but another toenail grew beneath it at the same time. This made my toenail about a half a centimeter thick and made it pretty much impossible to clip.
But slowly, very slowly, the old toenail has ground down to the point where the whole thing is actually starting to look and feel normal.
And today was the first day in a long time that I was actually able to legitimately cut that toenail. Now it looks like this!
I call it a victory. It’s a gross victory, but a victory nonetheless.
(The fact that this is like my tenth post about my toenails speaks volumes about the quality about my blog, don’t you think?)
THE OUCH OF THE TOES
Me: You know what would be a fun addition to daily 15-mile walks?
Toes: Don’t say it.
Me: Replacing some of the miles with 13-mile runs!
Toes: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—
Yeah, they’re angry. I don’t blame them.
Haha, I love how every summer there are at least five blogs dedicated to how much I’ve brutalized my feet.
iToe
Today, I decided to see if my iPhone would accept one of my toe prints as an additional “fingerprint” that could be used to unlock my phone.
Y’know, for science.
Results (there’s music about half way through, so keep the volume kinda low):
(Would the U of C still let me teach if they found out that this is how I spend my free time?)
(Or is this how profs get tenure?)
Also, I love that my husband can come in the living room, see me pressing my iPhone to my big toe, and not be phased by it.
Note: it does not accept a tongue print.
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