Tag Archives: presidents

Go-Go-Gadget Democracy!

Did you vote, fellow U.S. fools?! Better do it.

In the spirit of reminiscing about elections past, I bring you this:

Also, here’s some good ol’ Capitol Steps. Because Capitol Steps is awesome.

To Sean and Megan:

(If either of you ever come across this)

Here’s a fake album cover for the fake band Quantum Rapture that we created in the car.

Yay.

Anyway.

Presidential Pickup Lines. These are like the best things ever. Favorites:


I made the mistake of drinking water while coming across this one. My water shot out of my nose.

Joyous day.

HOLY FREAKING PRESIDENTIAL BUTT GOBLINS

DUDE.
MOUNT RUSHMORE.
GO SEE IT.
CAPS LOCK.

Look at how freaking spectacular this is:

Look at their eyes. Closer pic:

This was the greatest thing ever. I totally recommend going if you’re ever anywhere near Rapid City, South Dakota.

We also went to the Presidential Wax Museum, which was creepy and impressive at the same time.


It’s MILLARD FILLMORE!!!!

Fun times.

Oh, and for anyone wondering, this is what Sean was referring to in his comment on my Facebook post:

Presidential Pinball

I have come to two realizations over the past two days:
1. I have way too much time on my hands
2. Pinball takes on a whole new dimension of challenges when you’re playing it while embodying dead people.

In this case, as is always the case with me, it was the presidents that I embodied on a two-day quest to discover which ones were the best (and worst) at Pinball. And seeing as how the vast majority of these guys weren’t alive when Pinball was around, I’d say they did rather well.
Two notes, however. First off, I haven’t played Pinball in over three years, thus providing the excu—er, I mean, the answer to the general low scores produced. However, I must emphasize that the scores are still relevant to each other—if I were scoring in the ten millions, for example, Ford would still score just as many points less than Jackson as he did here. Second, no bias was involved in this. Seriously. I mean, did you see where that hack Jackson wound up? Blasphemy!

Well anyway…

Andrew Jackson 3,442,750
Grover Cleveland 3,141,500
James Earl Carter 2,501,500
Millard Fillmore 2,328,500
Martin Van Buren 2,318,500
Ulysses Simpson Grant 2,234,750
William McKinley 2,211,750
James Knox Polk 2,148,750
Benjamin Harrison 2,136,750
Lyndon Baines Johnson 1,855,000
Woodrow Wilson 1,772,500
Harry S Truman 1,757,750
Abraham Lincoln 1,745,250
Theodore Roosevelt 1,717,250
Warren Gamaliel Harding 1,708,500
John Fitzgerald Kennedy 1,700,500
James Madison 1,693,000
James Abram Garfield 1,661,000
William Henry Harrison 1,593,750
George Washington 1,467,500
Ronald Wilson Reagan 1,417,000
Zachary Taylor 1,411,750
William Jefferson Clinton 1,394,500
Calvin Coolidge 1,390,250
Dwight David Eisenhower 1,338,500
John Adams 1,311,500
Richard Milhous Nixon 1,284,750
John Quincy Adams 1,235,750
James Buchanan 1,215,750
Thomas Jefferson 1,198,500
George Herbert Walker Bush 1,056,250
George W. Bush 1,050,000 (ooh! So close, sonny!)
Franklin Delano Roosevelt 1,030,500
Chester Alan Arthur 989,000
John Tyler 849,250
Herbert Clark Hoover 839,750
Franklin Pierce 815,250
William Howard Taft 814,250
Andrew Johnson 806,250
Rutherford Birchard Hayes 782,750
James Monroe 758,500
Gerald Rudolph Ford 698,750

Waiter! There’s a Creationist in my Primordial Soup!

I don’t know what’s up with the presidents lately. Must be a new phase. Anyway, here’s this thing with the zodiacs, assassination attempts, and why Aquarians are basically screwed if they become president. I’ve done this before, but I don’t think I’ve ever put out an entire list of the presidents and their zodiac signs. So pick either your favorite presidents or your zodiac sign, and get to it! Damn you Capricorns for taking Millard Fillmore!

Assassination Key of Fun!
* Assassination attempt
** Successful assassination

George Washington: Pisces
John Adams: Scorpio
Thomas Jefferson: Aries
James Madison: Pisces
James Monroe: Taurus
John Quincy Adams: Cancer
Andrew Jackson: Pisces*
Martin Van Buren: Sagittarius
William Henry Harrison: Aquarius
John Tyler: Aries
James K Polk: Scorpio
Zachary Taylor: Sagittarius
Millard Fillmore: Capricorn
Franklin Pierce: Sagittarius
James Buchanan: Taurus
Abraham Lincoln: Aquarius**
Andrew Johnson: Capricorn
Ulysses S Grant: Taurus
Rutherford B Hayes: Libra
James A Garfield: Scorpio**
Chester A Arthur: Libra
Grover Cleveland: Pisces
Benjamin Harrison: Leo
William McKinley: Aquarius**
Theodore Roosevelt: Scorpio*
William Howard Taft: Virgo
Woodrow Wilson: Capricorn
Warren G Harding: Scorpio
Calvin Coolidge: Cancer
Herbert Hoover: Leo
Franklin D Roosevelt: Aquarius*
Harry S Truman: Taurus*
Dwight D Eisenhower: Libra
John F Kennedy: Gemini* *
Lyndon B Johnson: Virgo
Richard M Nixon: Capricorn
Gerald R Ford: Cancer* *
Ronald Reagan: Aquarius*
George Bush: Gemini*
Bill Clinton: Leo* *

Of those that were assassinated/almost assassinated, there was/were:
1 Taurus
2 Geminis
2 Cancers
1 Leo
1 Libra
2 Scorpios
4 Aquarians (WTF??)
1 Pisces

I love how there were no assassination attempts until Jackson came along. I also love how all Aquarians were assassinated/almost assassinated save one (William Henry Harrison, but honestly, who gives a crap about William Henry Harrison?).

Just a bit of fun for you all.

The Ranking of the Presidents!

HAHA! I’m actually doing this within a week of President’s Day. And for my 301st blog post. Pretty damn good, if you ask me.
Here is my official ranking of the Presidents, according to my own dorky opinion.
It basically goes: best presidents à presidents who didn’t do anything à bad presidents à really crappy presidents à Bush

Enjoy!

Millard Fillmore
Hell yes! Of COURSE Millard Fillmore, “The American Lois Philippe,” tops my list. Wow, M.F. rocks my world. He totally owned the Compromise of 1850 and preserved peace for a little longer in order to delay war. Wow…Millard Fillmore, you can manifest my destiny any day.

George Washington
When I was younger, I used to have a thing for George Washington. I don’t really know why. He was basically like the first waffl—before the first waffle (bear with me, here: it’s crappy analogy time), no one knew quite how to make waffles, or how to go about eating them. The first waffle, however, proved as a template for all future waffles, in both the process of making them and eating them. America watched as George Washington was made, and then ate him.
Or something like that.
It worked out in my head.
But yeah. Go George!

Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson rocks. He just rocks. He doubled the size of the United States with the Louisiana Purchase, advocated the separation of church and state (he got this from Locke, I believe), and he was basically a total Renaissance man. Plus, he flippin’ DRAFTED THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. I love you, Thomas Jefferson.

Theodore Roosevelt
Woo! Roosevelt! This awesome guy gets an automatic fourth from me, just cause the documentary I saw on him was very interesting and he seemed like a very cool guy. Truly an excellent, excellent president. Where’s this guy when we need him today?

Abraham Lincoln
Woo! Lincoln! Oregon voted for him! He did a rather spiffy job of dealing with the Civil War, both during and after. Too bad he didn’t hear that the play got bad reviews.

Harry S. Truman
Poor Truman. He gets stuck with the bomb. Then the Soviet Union. I feel sorry for this dude…no one liked him until his terms were over. WTF, United States? WTF. Alaska and Hawaii are blameless.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Hurrah for the New Deal! Hurrah for the liberal judge packing of the Supreme Court! Hurrah for the dealing with of Pearl Harbor, save the internment camps! I like this guy. He did pretty well in his dealings with the Depression. Too bad his middle name wasn’t “Delanor” instead of “Delano” though, cause then we’d have an “Eleanor Delanor Roosevelt” and that would be awesome.

Ulysses S. Grant
Ah, I love Grant. He’s a man’s man. He smoked like hell, fought a bunch of guys in the Civil War (not to mention he accepted Lee’s surrender at Appomattox), and enjoyed scandals in office (Whiskey Ring fun!). Proof that, if you gain power, you should not select your moron friends to be your cohorts.

Thomas Woodrow Wilson
You’ve gotta watch the hell out for a guy whose nickname is “Schoolmaster in Politics.” He was all, “No child labor, bitch!” and “No more Manifest Destiny fun! Get your butts in line, America!” and “Oh damn, a war.” He proposed a League of Nations, which failed, but got the Nobel Peace Prize for it, anyway. He was rather productive. An ‘A’ for you, W. Wilson.

William Howard Taft
Taft had to follow Teddy Roosevelt—not an easy task. He did rather well, though, and I don’t think he ever got caught in the bathtub for too long. Have you seen this guy? A school bus! His nickname was “Big Lub,” which is enough right there to push him higher on my list.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Ugh, I’m gonna stay away from this one due to sheer fear that I’m going to insult someone (I mean, even more so than normal. This presidency’s like a loaded canon). I will say one thing though—I find it rather funny that Lee Harvey Oswald gets a big “oh no you DIDN’T” in prison by being shot by Jack Ruby. I guess little Ruby thought, “hey, I’m already in prison, and this guy shot the prez!”

William Jefferson Clinton
Lemme tell you something…for all the crap Clinton’s gotten for the whole Monica Lewinsky thing, he’s been the one break in this Republican insanity that my peers and I have been experiencing for our entire lives (mid- to late-Reagan administration to Bush II now). Yes, his personal life sucked, but he was a good president. And I find it sad that we’ve decided to judge him almost solely on his personal life.

James Knox Polk
“Who is James K. Polk?” Apparently, that’s what everyone was asking back in 1844, because that was what his campaign slogan was. Way to go with the question-asking, Polk, you got people’s attention. If he were alive today, I’m sure thousands of us on Facebook would be getting Poked by Polk. It would be like an hourly thing. Anyway, Polk gave us a butt-load of territory but also divided the country even greater over the issue of slavery. Plus, he basically retired from the presidency, took a little buggy ride home, and died.

Stephen Grover Cleveland
First, points must be deducted for his using “Grover” instead of “Stephen.” Second, points must be added because this guy was somehow able to serve two nonconsecutive terms (with that little weirdo Harrison in between). Third, Idaho voted for the Populist’s candidate when they first become a state. What the hell? Who the crap was Weaver? Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Cleveland. More points go to him cause Aneel lives on Cleveland St.

Chester Alan Arthur
You wanna talk mutton chops? No? Okay, I’ll review Chester Alan Arthur instead. This guy’s hilarious. First off, the quote at the top of this page about him reads, “I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody’s damned business!” Plus, one of his allies, upon hearing he won, said, “Chet Arthur? President of the United States? Good God!” He pretty much ignored everybody and did things his own way. It was a short little run, but hey…we can call it a sprint.

John Adams
This poor guy—he had to follow George and he didn’t really want to be in the position of mediating between the Federalists and the Democratic-Republicans in the first place. Plus, I don’t think Jefferson liked him very much. Hamilton didn’t either. Same with all the anti-French. I want to hug him.

Gerald Rudolph Ford
This guy was the first non-elected vice AND non-elected president, which makes him basically go “Oh shi—” when getting the presidency. He pardons Nixon, works to restore the economy, and attends the Helsinki conference, all to end up with America still disliking him enough not to reelect him. How’s that for a shot in the butt?

Ronald Wilson Reagan
Oh noes! Reagan! Minnesota hated him, and for a good reason—after ever major even in Reagan’s life (even before he became President) was followed relatively closely by a world problem: Reagan’s born; WWI begins. Reagan begins acting career; WWII begins. Reagan marries; Pearl Harbor gets bombed. Reagan gets divorced; North Korea invades South Korea. This is tragic, but really damn hilarious. He moves up on the list just because of this.

James Monroe
This guy kicked Quincy Adams’ butt in the election of 1820—231 electoral votes to 1. It must have been nice to be president during the “Era of Good Feelings.” Hey, it got him “Era-of-Good-Feeling President” as a nickname! His only real issue was kind of ignoring slavery with hopes that it would just go away.

James Madison
I love the fact that his two nicknames are, like, polar opposites of each other: the big, strong, important-sounding one, “Father of the Constitution,” and this one: “Little Jemmy.” It’s also kind of strange that he was a Federalist but didn’t really want a central U.S. government power. I don’t quite know what to think of little Mr. Madison—should I like him or hate him?

James Buchanan
He seemed rather reasonable and responsible, but yet the Confederate states began to secede from the Union while he was president. Poor Jamesy-James. Have you seen pictures of this guy? He looks like a hard-ass. I’m surprised he didn’t keep S.C. in line with a slap or two. “I’m James Buchanan, bitch!”

William McKinley
Apparently, his nickname was “Idol of Ohio.” I would’ve made it “Willy McKin’ey” cause that sounds a whole lot better. He was the first person Idaho voted for when it became a state. I think this guy needed some balls. Badly. “Oh no, I’m getting pressured by the media…I guess I’ll invade Spain, but I’ll do it hesitatingly and with a crumpet in my hand…” And what’s up with the tariffs, McKinley? Seriously…what is up?

Zachary Taylor
Good ol’ “Rough and Ready” apparently wasn’t rough enough to live for more than a year serving as president. But hey, that’s okay—you know why? MILLARD FILLMORE TOOK OVER FOR HIM!! WOOOO!!!

William Henry Harrison
This guy made the longest inaugural speech ever. This was his undoing, for he died of pneumonia a month later. I will honor his memory with a nice short ranking.

John Calvin Coolidge
He is considered one of the lesser presidents. Why? He didn’t really do anything. He sat in his little chair for six years and didn’t really get the whole concept of these “farm” things that were all across the country. He did do that thing with the Federal Radio Commission, though, but he failed to acknowledge the skyrocketing stock market, which was one of the main reasons the Depression occurred. Hm…the “stock market.” Must be farmer jargon or something.

Rutherford Birchard Hays
Ah, what would the United States have done without Rutherford Birchard Hays? Wait…who was Rutherford Birchard Hays? I dunno, but his nickname was “His Fraudulency.” Nobody liked him, probably because he was honest. He had to reign in crazy Grant’s administration’s work! Plus, he only won by one electoral vote and lost the popular…sound familiar?

Franklin Pierce
Haha…”Handsome Frank” has got to be the best nickname in the universe. Although Pierce really didn’t do anything. Nothing. His whole presidency can be summed up in one sentence: “The Compromise of 1850 rocked, at least until those new states showed up—I’m just gonna sign this act and then fade into obscurity, okay?”

Benjamin Harrison
Another president who really didn’t do anything—no scandals, even! That’s…scandalous! I think he just sat there day after day on the porch, occasionally saying, “I think I’d like some lemonade” or “I have to take a poo.” Seriously, his life was basically womb to Indianapolis to D.C. to Indianapolis to grave. Wee.

John Tyler
Mr. Tyler was the first to become president without being elected to the post. He kinda screwed up in the beginning by creating a Bank of the United States, which caused all but one of his cabinet members to resign. He did help with Texas…oh wait.

Dwight David Eisenhower
Truman felt he lacked a backbone, Nixon loved the hell out of him (not literally, though). He was a segregationist, which knocks him down a few pegs, but he also brought in the troops to help stop the blocked desegregation of Central High in Little Rock, so that brings him back up a few. How do you get “Ike” out of “Dwight David Eisenhower,” though? Back down a peg.

James Abram Garfield
Ah, Garfield—with your tabby hair and fondness for lasagna. How Jon puts up with you is a mystery. What would the daily paper be without your antics? You’re the best cat in the world.
Oh wait.

James Earl Carter
Carter’s been put in the bottom 10 for most of these presidential ranking things, so just because of that, he’s my 11th bottom. Haha. He brought integrity and simplicity to the White House, but he also had that whole thing with the hostage crisis in Iran. And that whole Soviet Union thing.

Lyndon Baines Johnson
Kennedy is assassinated. This guy steps in as president. He attempted the Great Society and ended up with failing in the Vietnam War. He did have a couple civil discussions with MLK Jr., though.

Herbert Clark Hoover
This guy did not like war veterans…he seemed to be allergic to them. This guy handled the Depression like an eggshell handles a brick. This guy basically was pessimism embedded in a president. Basically, he sucked (haha, get it? Hoover vacuums? Hahaha…).

John Quincy Adams
This guy had the future in mind when he became president. However, he basically failed at everything he did. He had no social skills, no loyal supporters, and died on the floor of the House (that musta sucked). But we must cut him some slack; he was only number six, guys…we had to wait until number 13 (Millard Fillmore) to get the art of the presidency down.

Martin Van Buren
This is one weird-looking fellow. What the crap did he do? “Rose from obscurity…uh-huh…no qualms about supporting slave-holding states…uh-huh…”Martin Van Ruin”…haha…avoided war over Canada…damn…” Interesting. I don’t know if I approve of you, Van the Man…

Warren Gamaliel Harding
Nice! Another president upon whose street we’ve lived on! Harding invented the term “normalcy” and apparently the word “scandal”—he was involved in about six million during his presidency—Teapot Dome, anyone? Damn you, Interior Secretary Albert Fall, damn you!

Richard Milhous Nixon
Aahahaha …the nose…no nickname…Watergate…this guy should have been a comedian. But instead, we got this non-crook, ex-lawyer, SALT-I promoting Pinocchio as a president. Good times back in the 1960s…good times.

Andrew Johnson
Oh, snap! Impeachment! Misunderstanding, or pure jackassery? I’d say the latter, though it all could’ve been based on looks. This guy looks like Buddy Hackett on heroine. Seriously.

George Herbert Walker Bush
Ah, the lesser of two evils—the way the first third-degree burn is better than the second one. Wait, this guy passed the Clean Air Act?! WTF? Ah, well. I honestly don’t remember this guy being president. Sure, I was 1-5 years old during his term, but I remember my first sippy cup, and I don’t think I got that at age six. Anyway, his nickname was “Poppy,” and I can only conclude with laughter as I imagine the nicknames certain parts of his body must’ve had…

Andrew Jackson
How this guy got on the $20 bill, I don’t know. He vetoed the hell out of everything and basically used his power to block Congress if he thought it was wrong. Plus, he was a total ass to the Native Americans (not really an unusual thing back then, but hey…he was a real jerk). He did all this after promising the opposite in his inaugural address, by the way.

George Walker Bush
How this hobo got elected twice is beyond me. I guess it just shows the true stupidity of at least half this country. I don’t have much more to say…you all know THIS story.

The Second Continental Chatroom

THIS IS WHAT I DO WHEN I’M BORED.

This is my attempt to describe the events (or the night, more accurately) leading up to the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, as well as the writing of the Declaration of Independence, if the founding fathers had had computers, the internet, and a chatroom or two. Done in an hour.

Note #1: this is about as historically accurate as scientology is a credible theory, so keep that in mind while you read it (although some things that are thrown in there have some historical context). It’s mainly for entertainment.

Note #2: I tried to use “chatroom dialogue” for this thing. So that’s why like every third word is incorrectly spelled and/or an abbreviation.

Okay, that’s all. Enjoy!

The Second Continental Chatroom.
10 founding fathers.
2 chatrooms.
1 hell of a ride.

Here’s the key to the names:
GeorgeW = George Washington
Hancocky = John Hancock
AllAboutTheBenjamins = Benjamin Franklin
Tom = Thomas Jefferson
JMad = James Madison
John1776 = John Adams
Sammy = Samuel Adams
Alex = Alexander Hamilton
Liberty1000 = Patrick Henry
Sensible1 = Thomas Paine
TheKing = King George

>>>>>>>Logging on: Chatroom25<<<<<<<..:namespace prefix = o ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office” />

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed on)

(GeorgeW signed on)

(Alex signed on)

(Tom signed on)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Testing, testing…

GeorgeW: hello?

(John1776 signed on)

(Liberty1000 signed on)

(Sammy signed on)

John1776: is it working

Alex: yeah it is

Liberty1000: hi guyzzzzzzzzzzzz

(JMad signed on)

(Sensible1 signed on)

Sammy: awesome invention ben :P

Tom: yeah best so far

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Thanks guys

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I call it the “chatroom”

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I stole the patent from the English :P

John1776: lol

JMad: oh noes!

Sensible1: Haha

Alex: ho hum

Sammy: wat do we do now

(TheKing signed on)

TheKing: Teh King is hear!

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Uh-oh

JMad: its geourge

John1776: lol brit

Tom: hi geourge ;)

TheKing: shut up I don’t hvae a u in my name

Sammy: why r u folowing us around

Sammy: give us space

TheKing: stop running awy from me

TheKing: y arnt we friends anymore

Alex: cuz ur anoying

TheKing: no im not

Tom: yes you are

John1776: u keep telling us wat to do

John1776: and wont leave us alone

John1776: stop it

TheKing: shut up im the best guy youll ever meet

TheKing: im the kign

John1776: yea right

TheKing: >:(

TheKing: no!

TheKing: I am teh king!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Wow, he’s getting annoying.

Alex: k guys lets move 2 a diffrent room

Tom: k

(Alex signed off)

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed off)

John1776: alrite

(Sensible1 signed off)

(Tom signed off)

(John1776 signed off)

GeorgeW:  byebye gourge

(GeorgeW signed off)

(JMad signed off)

(Liberty1000 signed off)

Sammy: :P

TheKing: NO STAY HERE

(Sammy signed off)

TheKing: DAMN

>>>>>>>>Logging on: Chatroom05<<<<<<<<<<

(Alex signed on)

(John1776 signed on)

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed on)

Alex: this is much better

(JMad signed on)

(Sammy signed on)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Indeed.

(Sensible1 signed on)

(Tom signed on)

Alex: where’d pat go?

John1776: I dunno we mustve lost him

(GeorgeW signed on)

Alex: omg gorge is so dum

John1776: No kidding lol

GeorgeW: :(

Alex: No not you geogre

Alex: teh other 1

GeorgeW: o okay

John1776: ur teh cool george

GeorgeW: thx <3

JMad: btw did you see aaron today

John1776: lol ya

John1776: those socks where so stupid

JMad: ill give u 10 virginia dollars if u shout burrs a grrl next time u see him

John1776: lol deal

Alex: god i hate him

Alex: i wish i could shoot him

John1776: lol ur so vilent

Alex: hey he deserves it

John1776: youd prolly be the one 2 die, lol

(Liberty1000 signed on)

JMad: hey patrick

JMad: pat pat patty pat patrick patty pat pat pat patrick patricio pat patty fat pat patty patrick pat pat patty pat

Liberty1000: what

JMad: hi :P

John1776: lol

Tom: so ben wat did u do over in france

AllAboutTheBenjamins: The question SHOULD read, “WHO did I do over in France”

Sensible1: :O

GeorgeW: (  . Y . )

Liberty1000: omg u seriussssssssss

AllAboutTheBenjamins: ;)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: You know what I say

AllAboutTheBenjamins: “Girlies in bed and girlies when rise makes life healthy and full of surprise”

John1776: lol

John1776: u mite wanna change that for teh public

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I probably will

AllAboutTheBenjamins: What rhymes with “girlie?”

Tom: surly

Sensible1: Burly

Alex: curley

GeorgeW: early

Liberty1000: twirrly

AllAboutTheBenjamins: “Early” sounds good; I’ll try that

John1776: your so lucky ben i wish i could go to france

John1776: but abby would kill me

Sammy: lol

JMad: *whip crack*

John1776: :( tahts not nice

JMad: sorry

(Hancocky signed on)

Alex: uhoh guys better behave

Alex: hancocks online</span>

John1776: oh crap lol

Hancocky: WTF IS UP GUYZ

Alex: lol hi john

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Hey Johnny

Hancocky: THERES MY MAN

Hancocky: HEY JOHN ADAMS  

John1776: lol hey john hancock

Hancocky: TANKS FOR GETTIN THOSE SUGAR ACT GUYZ OFF MY BACK DUDE

John1776: np

Sensible1: hey hancock wanna get a smaller font

Hancocky: NO

Hancocky: I LIKE IT THIS WAY         

Sensible1: w/e

Sensible1: Why are you so obnoxious, john?

Hancocky: WTF PAINE

GeorgeW: yea dude

GeorgeW: you think your so hi and mighty just cuz your writing a book

GeorgeW: anyone could do that

Tom: i wish i could write something good :(

JMad: awwww poor t.j.

John1776: u can write good tom

Sammy: we <3 u Thomas

Tom: aw thnx :)

JMad: btw sam what do you have going on in your basement

JMad: ?

Sammy: nothin

JMad: liar

JMad: i kno you have beer lol

Hancocky: OMG WHERE

JMad: Sammys got beer in his basement

Alex: holy crap sam adams beer rocks

GeorgeW: u should pee in a bottle and sent it to geourge

John1776: lol

Alex: i h8 geourge

Alex: >:(

Sammy: me too

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I think we need to lay down the law with him.

Alex: definitely

Hancocky: TOTALLY

Tom: yes

Tom: it becomes nesessary for one people to disolve the political bands which have connected them with another

Tom:and to assume among the powers of the Earth the seperate and equal station to wich the laws of nature & of natures god entitle them

Tom: a decent respect to the opinons of man kind requires that they should declare the causes with impell them to the seperation

Tom: :P

GeorgeW: wow

JMad: dude write that down

Tom: haha, sriously?

<P class=MsoNormal style=”MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt”>Sammy: ya

John1776: do it

Alex: and add more

Tom: k

Hancocky: TOTALLY BASH GEOURGE IN IT TOO

John1776: yea write down all the crap hes done to us

Alex: ^ this

Tom: k what has he done

AllAboutTheBenjamins: He appointed those judges that were completely biased

JMad: those damn brit soldiers everywhere

JMad: can’t get them out of my house

Hancocky: I CAN’T TRADE DAMMIT

John1776: that doesnt stop u

John1776: lol

Alex: Taxes!!

Hancocky: I WAS ON TRIAL BECAUSE I TRIED TO TRADE BUT THERE WAS NO JURY

Sammy: i had to go back to england to go on trail

Sammy: sea sickness and all

Liberty1000: I’m boreed

Liberty1000: somebody talk 2 me

Sammy: l8r

Liberty1000: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeez

Liberty1000: pm me

Sammy: no were busy

Liberty1000: Give me a pm or give me death!!!11

Hancocky: DUDE SHUT UP

Alex: ya seriously u say that about everythign

Liberty1000: I do not

AllAboutTheBenjamins: You said it about my bran muffin the other morning

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I gave it to you too because I thought you were being serious

John1776: lol

Liberty1000: fine then

(Liberty1000 signed off)

Tom: k anyways wat else has he done

Tom: ?

JMad: remember when we all had 2 go to england for that stupid meetign

JMad: that counts

GeorgeW: he keeps overrulling our laws

Tom: k one sec

Tom: allright its done

John1776: tom ur teh 1337

Hancocky: OGM YOU NEED TO SEND THIS TO GEOURGE

Hancocky: WE SHOULD ALL SIGN IT

Hancocky: I CALL FIRST

Sensible1: I dont know why youre all getting excited about what he’s writing

Sensible1: I mean all of its just common sense

JMad: Paine, stfu

John1776: lol paine

John1776: ur all about the common sense crap

Sensible1: Hey its a good idea

Sensible1: Its better then toms stupid thing

Hancocky: DON’T DIS TEH TOM

GeorgeW: seriously

JMad: i say we send paine to give this to geourge

Sammy: second dat

Sensible1: This is ridiculous

(Sensible1 signed off)

John1776: lol

(TheKing signed on)

TheKing: BWAHAHA IM BACK

GeorgeW: oh ****

Tom: haha hi geourge :P

JMad: hey geourge, asl?

TheKing: wtf

JMad: *takes off wig and outer tunic*

John1776: lol

TheKing: u guys r sick

Alex: I <3 YOU GEOURGE!!! 

TheKing: ew

Sammy: hey geourge

TheKing: wat

Sammy: ur tea sux

John1776: lol

Hancocky: OMG BURRRN

TheKing: u guys are rediculous

Tom: hey gourge we have something to show you

(>TheKing received Declaration.doc from Tom<)

TheKing: u will all regret this

(TheKing signed off)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Hooray! He’s gone!

Alex: bring it on king…we got the cool george

GeorgeW: :)

Hancocky: HEY GUYZ WE SHOULD TOTALLY MEET SOMEWHERE AND PLOT SOME MORE

Alex: ya

Sammy: i can brign some beer

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Where should we go?

Alex: theres taht old building in philadelphia

GeorgeW: ok cool

Tom: k

John1776: see u there guys

(John1776 signed off)

(Sammy signed off)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Alright, I’ll be there

(Tom signed off)

(GeorgeW signed off)

(Alex signed off)

JMad: me too

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed off)

(JMad signed off)

Hancocky: THIS IS GONNA BE SO COOL

(Hancocky signed off)</font>

(Liberty1000 signed on)

Liberty1000: guyzzzzzzzz

(Sensible1 signed on)

Liberty1000: where did u all go

Sensible1: Hello?

Liberty1000: paine!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Sensible1: Oh god no

(Sensible1 signed off)

Liberty1000: hello

Liberty1000: dangit

(Liberty1000 signed off)

The End…or is it?

MY NEXT PROJECT (in other words, no one else is allowed to do this): chronicle all of U.S. history using the chatroom format. After that, possibly, is the Bible chronicled using chatroom format.

 

Oh noes!

Okay…this is disturbing…

These are the 5 Aquarian presidents: William Harrison, Abraham Lincoln, William McKinley, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Ronald Reagan. Of these five, four had assassination attempts, and of those four, two were assassinated.
The only one spared of this trend was Harrison. He did die in office, like all the other Aquarians except for Reagan, but honestly, who gives a crap about Harrison? Did he do anything? I don’t recall much about him from History. He’s almost as unheard of a president as the Capricorn Millard Fillmore (“Millard who?”).

 

Yes, I am bored, how could you tell?

Independence Day!

Happy 4th of July!!

In honor of today, I made a quiz! Yay! It’s called, “Which Founding Father are You?” Here’s the link:
http://quizilla.com/users/AntarcticaFreak/quizzes/Which Founding Father are You?/

Take it and tell me who you got! I’m John Hancock.

The Presidents, the Presidents!

I have no life.

Since the streets of our town are in no particular order (at least the Presidential streets aren’t) I live on Grant St. and Aneel, who lives one street down, lives on Cleveland St.
So I decided to see which one of our Presidents was the best.

I present to you the Cleveland-Grant Comparison!!!!

**President Grover Cleveland (the 22nd and 24th President)**

Pros:
– The only President to serve two non-consecutive terms.
– Reduced high protective tariffs.
– Saved the U.S.’s gold reserves during the depression of 1892.
– Helped out Venezuela.
Cons:
– His first name is Grover (a good name for a blue guy, but not for a President).
– Married a girl 22 years younger than himself.
– Screwed over Civil War veterans.
– Pissed off the railroad people. You just didn’t want to do that back then.
– 1st Democrat elected after the Civil War (Democrats were bad back then).

 

**President Ulysses S. Grant (the 18th President)**

Pros:
– Kicked the Confederates’ BUTTS during the Civil War!
– His memoirs earned him over $450,000 (holy crap!). But then he died.
– Was a radical Republican (Republicans were good back then).
– Was a friend of Abraham Lincoln’s.
Cons:
– Didn’t do crap in the White House…this is both good and bad.
– Went broke after his Presidency.
– Accepted presents as President. This is a no-no.

 

VERDICT: Grant wins!…but barely. He had the same number of pros as Cleveland, but one less con.  Draw your own conclusions. I have drawn mine, and they have won me a blue ribbon in the art show.

As I said, I have no life.