In Soviet Russia, handle flies off YOU!
So…the whole “is the glass half-empty or half-full” question bugs the hell out of me, and here’s why: every time I’m asked that question, I desire to answer it based on the glass’ function. That is, I want to answer it by asking myself, “what is the purpose of a glass?”
What the hell do I mean? Well, let’s take another example.
Here I have a pen (not really, but just humor me). The pen’s purpose—its “human-granted teleology”—is to write. Yes, there could be other interpretations of this quite easily (a pen is for holding, a pen is for conveying information, a pen is for doodling boobies when you’re bored in stats, etc.), but let’s just stick with the obvious, okay?
So the pen’s purpose is to write. Therefore, if someone were to ask me “is this pen’s ink-chamber-thingy half-full or half-empty?” I would respond with what the state of the ink-chamber-thingy would be after the pen had performed half of its purpose (assuming it held a full chamber-thingy at its manufacture, you never know these days). The chamber-thingy would, then, be half-empty.
Of course, you could look at the same question a different way, now that I look back and realize I specified the ink chamber inside the pen and not the pen itself. What is the purpose of the ink chamber? Certainly not to write (that’s the pen’s job). To hold ink? If so, then it is half-full, as when it began its little journey to completing its teleological purpose (holding a full chamber of ink), it was entirely empty.
Now that I’ve contradicted my argument (BUT NOT MY POINT), let’s look at the glass. If you think that the purpose of a glass is to hold liquid, then you would say that the glass is half-full, right? Since at the beginning of its teleological journey, the glass is empty.
But suppose you say, “you’re an idiot, the purpose of a glass is to be drank from,” then it seems natural to say that the glass is now half-empty, since a glass, in order to be drank from, must contain some amount of liquid, and since trying to drink out of an already-empty glass is dumb.
Does that make any sense? Any sense at all? Do I belabor everything way too much? I believe this discussion could carry on further into the metaphysical realm (“but what if the teleology of the ink chamber is to be empty in order to later hold ink?!”) and ultimately into “what’s the teleological purpose of PEOPLE, OMG?” but I’m hungry and I want instant mashed potatoes like none other, so I’m going to go make some.
Watched Aluminum Never Foils
I think I finally realized why I like the movie Apollo 13 so much (aside from the fact that it’s a good movie and Tom Hanks = awesome).
It’s the music.
The music is very cool.
Haha, sorry, nothing much is going on.
Fonts are fun
I think my favorite is “Comic Sans is illegal.” Or “Helvetica was an unimaginative choice.”
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH WHAT THE HELL?!?!?
WHY didn’t I go as Leibniz today? WHY?!
God, that would have been AMAZING! I would have worn the black feather boa on my head and pranced around drawing integrals all over stuff and mass-sacrificing Fig Newtons in a pit of flame!
CRAP!
Next year, I promise.
*insert Godot joke here*
Group conversation with Nick (Nicktastic), Mike (Bacon) and I (Mobius) wherein Nick demonstrates his typing dyslexia:
nicktastic! says: shit
Mobius Striptease says: What?
nicktastic! says: i need to clean the apartment
nicktastic! says: the sink’s like 10/8 full of crap
bacon messiah says: lol
nicktastic! says: wait
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha, did you fail fractions as a kid, dude?
nicktastic! says: reverse that
bacon messiah says: hell yeah he failed fractions…he totally forgot to reduce that
bacon messiah says: the sink’s like 5/4 full of crap
Mobius Striptease says: Hahahahaha
Also, “Bacon Messiah” wins as best MSN nickname ever.
Because talking about graduation is boring, but because I don’t have a life otherwise…
Today Sean was playing Fable and, for some reason or another, I attached myself to the random chickens wandering around in the game, and then decided that god is a chicken.
Along the way we also decided:
– Jesus’ favorite music is Bach
– Good chickens go to heaven, bad chickens go to KFC
– Heaven is poultry paradise
– This is proof that god is a chick
And then I go, “I’m a chicken prophet,” and Sean says, “Isn’t that what KFC makes?”
Yeah, it was a weird day.
In this blog: Dr. O’Rourke earns even more Cool Points
Dr. O’Rourke let us watch this in Mind today. That’s how awesome he is.
+900 in Negative Karma!
Good thing to know: waking up 5 minutes before you’re scheduled to take the GRE leads to super crappy GRE scores.
Fuck this, I don’t want to talk about it.
You can lead Godot and Vladimir and Estragon, but you can’t make him show up
Lesson of the day: Friends don’t let dorky friends carve pumpkins.
Alternatively: Aaron and I should not carve pumpkins together.
He carved his, pumpkin pi, by hand with no reference. Badass.
I love this one picture we took because you can see practically everything dorky we have around the house. You can see the Rock Band drums and a Rock Band guitar on the table, the window’s covered by a blanket ‘cause we STILL don’t have blinds, Lanky’s playing Zelda on the Wii (except you can’t see the big ass TV), the router’s got like 5 wires coming out of it…what a fun house.
Fun at the Homecoming Parade
Aw, my last Homecoming. Oh well, it was super fun anyway. I got video of the tubas chasing cars, so it was all good.
Also, that was the most insane “controlled” bonfire I’ve ever seen.
WOO
This makes me very happy. That is all.
This is why I’m happy and this is why you should shut the hell up.
Okay, I’m getting pretty sick of all this shit. I’m happy, okay? You all just need to shut the hell up and deal with it, ‘cause guess what? I’m not going to change anything. Just chill the hell out and leave me alone.
101 fun, new, and interesting ways to die playing Star Wars Battlefront
Haha. So.
Rock Band is no longer the only game I play on the Xbox now. I also play Battlefront (“play” meaning “die repeatedly in”). It’s a Star Wars game in which you get to pick which side you’re on, then fight to take over the galaxy. You get to shoot Wookies. You get to fly tie-fighters. It’s really fun, when I’m not dying (which is not often).
Ways to die include:
- crashing into the enemy base ship while flying a tie-fighter
- crashing into your own base ship while flying a tie-fighter
- mid-air collision
- throwing a bomb at the wall right in front of you, then failing to realize you did so
- flying out of bounds
- walking into lava
- walking off the world
- drowning
- Wookie gangs
- getting mowed over by tanks
- getting SHOT BY AARON
- and many more!
This game is awesome.
Time for random article prayer
Because Wiki is god and because stuff like this is awesome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Nations_of_North_America
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesusland_map
And completely unrelated…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mermaid_Problem
The first sentence is freaking epic.
Let’s make things a little MORE awkward, shall we?
Why do I have this uncanny ability to make everything as awkward as possible?
Seriously.
Sorry, everyone affected.
Hm.
So, uh…yeah.
Can’t really blog about today.
Sorry.
Anybody read any of the Goosebumps series when they were kids?
Hahaha, oh my god, these are freaking great. The only Goosebumps book I remember reading as a kid was Go Eat Worms! but all these reviews are amazingly hilarious. I NEED to read Chicken Chicken and How I Learned to Fly now.
Another Riveting Blog from Survey Central
1. How old will you be in five years?
25. Crap, I’m old.
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Aaron.
3. How tall are you?
THIS IS AN INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION AND I AM OFFENDED!
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Graduating. Getting done with this degree and moving on. I don’t care anymore. These last three weeks have destroyed me.
5. What’s the last movie you saw?
The Empire Strikes Back!
6. Who was the last person you called?
My mom.
7. Who was the last person to call you?
My dad.
8. What was the last text message you received?
No texty.
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voice mail?
My mom.
10. Would you rather call or text?
Neither. Phones suck.
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Rock Band? I can’t really remember.
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Divorced.
13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Yesterday at the game.
14. What color are your eyes?
Hazel. Ugh.
16. What are you wearing right now?
Peace sign shirt, purple pants, and under-thingies.
17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
Jingle Bells!
18. Where is your favorite place to be?
In the living room with my friends.
19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
At the U of I.
20. Africa-New Zealand-Japan?
Blah…none of the above.
21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
Hopefully out of grad school, being a Psychometrician and analyzing the crap out of stuff.
22. Do you tan or burn?
Tan, mostly.
23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Nothing, really. I was afraid of the letter v…don’t ask.
24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Aaron.
25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One.
26. How big is your bed?
Twin.
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Lappy.
28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
With.
29. What color are your sheets?
Tye-dye!
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Two.
31. What is your favorite season?
Summer!
32. What do you like about fall?
The colors.
33. What do you like about winter?
Freaking SNOW!
34. What do you like about the summer?
Freaking HEAT!
35. What do you like about spring?
Not much, I hate spring.
36. How many states have you lived in?
One.
37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Moscow/Troy.
38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Socks.
39. Are you a social person?
Meh.
40. What was the last thing you ate?
M&Ms?
41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Bonanza, but since that’s gone out of business, Shari’s.
42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Oreo.
43. What is your favorite dessert?
M&Ms!
44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Not a fan of soup.
45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich ?
Ew, jelly sucks.
46. Do you like Chinese food?
Nope.
47. Do you like coffee?
Nope.
48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
One or two, maybe.
49. What do you drink in the morning?
Nothing.
51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Nope.
52. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope.
53. Do you like to cuddle?
With a certain someone, yes. Haha.
54. Have you ever been to Canada?
Eh?
55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Oh, probably.
56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Pretty much both equally, now that we live like 50 feet from Subway and 100 or so feet from the Pita Pit.
58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
I used to.
59. Do you want kids ?
Blah.
60. Did your grandma ever make you eat fruit because you could not poop?
Hahahahaha
61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
Nope.
62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
No, surprisingly.
63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Ocean!
64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
Window, ‘cause then I can see the clouds.
65. Do you know how to drive a stick?
Sorta…
66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Colorful stuff.
67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
The chain Aaron gave me.
68. What is your favorite TV show?
Metalocalypse!
69. Can you roll your tongue?
Yup.
70. Who is the funniest person you know?
Nick. Or Aaron. Or Sean.
71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Nope.
72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
One of the default ones.
73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
Yeah, I have a Simba shirt!
74. What red object is closest to you right now?
My internet cable.
75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
Yup.
76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I like them closed, but I’m lazy, so they’re usually open.
77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Bear.
78. Do you like someone?
Much more than like.
79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I don’t like chicken nuggets.
81. Can you change the oil on a car?
Doubtful.
82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Nope.
83. Have you ever run out of gas?
Nope.
84. What is your usual bedtime?
Anytime from 1AM to 4:30AM.
86. Do you read the newspaper?
Nope.
87. Do you read any magazines?
Popular Science.
89. Do you watch soap operas?
Nope.
90. Do you dance in the car?
As much as I can dance in a car.
91. What radio station did you last listen to?
106.1.
92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
Um…I have no idea what the closest picture frame is to me.
93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
Probably some sort of list.
94. What is your favorite candle scent?
:(
95. What is your favorite board game?
Monopoly’s great.
98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
Either Mr. Garrett or Mr. LaFortune.
99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
Overnight?
100. Who was the last person to give you butterflies?
Aaron. As usual. :)
Ugh, can I catch a break, please?
Once again, I have another squad member who doesn’t give a shit. This is making my last year of marching band substantially less fun. I hope she shapes up and realizes that just because she’s a plug doesn’t mean she can be a slacker. I do not appreciate people making both me and the whole band look bad.
Too hyper to blog
HYPERHYPERHYPERHYPERHYPERHYPERHYPERHYPERHYPER!!!!!!!!!
And happy.
Happies
So.
Best road trip ever.
Today Lanky, Aaron and I drove up to Missoula to meet Aaron’s mom and all get piercings (well, Lanky can’t, but the rest of us can). Unfortunately, there was this huge semi crash on the road up from Idaho Falls, so his mom couldn’t meet us up there (therefore we drove right back after everything instead of staying the night like we were going to).
But we got our piercings anyway; Aaron got a tragus and I got an industrial. It’s badass, and I’ll post a picture as soon as it’s not bleeding profusely. Then we went to some random store and I bought the “Sexual Innuendo” and “Romance” sets of magnetic words. In the car, we sang Rock Band songs as well as some other classics (What is Love, Bras on 45, The Bad Touch) and tried not to crash the car.
We got home, made naughty phrases on the fridge, and had a stripping contest.
Very, very fun.
Blog #900: The 900th Blog
Hi people!
Guess what?
Today is my 900th blog!
ONLY 100 MORE UNTIL THE BIG 1,000!
WOOOOOOOOOO!
(Edit: haha, I’m off by six blogs. This is actually #894)
Eigenblogger 