Green & Stokes
So in my continuing saga of “Let’s Make Stupid Jokes About Everything” (aka, “My Life”) and in the same vein as that Neil & Prey dream I had awhile back, I think someone should propose a detective/mystery show called Green & Stokes. It’d be like NUMB3RS crossed with Law & Order crossed with Columbo, except with exponentially more puns.
They’d work for the LAMD (Los Angeles Math Department) or something, because cities would have their own math departments in whatever universe that would allow Green and Stokes to be mathematicians AND detectives AND live during the same time period.
And the episode names could each be a pun on some other famous mathematician’s name (or other dumb puns).
- “Rolle with the Punches”
- “Out with the Old, in with the Newton”
- “Bourbaki and the Case of the Empty Set”
I DON’T EVEN KNOW.
This is why I need school to start again.
Edit: holy crap, I forgot how crappy gifs can be when they’re exported from Flash (especially when you don’t know what you’re doing), but here’s the theoretical show’s opening animation nonetheless:
Edit 2: fixed it (sort of; it’s still dumb)
Recursion, thy name is Recursion, thy name is Recursion, thy name is Recursion…
I don’t like this one, but I don’t have anything else for today’s blog.
So here you go.
The end.
Edit: hahahaha, scratch that. Here’s Nathan Explosion scat singing. Made. My. Night.
Edit 2: that was…dude…cannot wait for the season finale.
Why is it ZZ Top? Isn’t Z at the BOTTOM of the alphabet?
The best part of Sundays = reading all the Metalocalypse fandom reactions before watching the new episode. It makes me happy.
In other totally unrelated news, I randomly stumbled upon the website of the Australian Chicken Meat Federation. One of the pages has this picture at the top of it.
Um…
Zazz
DUDES, did anybody else ever watch these?
YouTube is single-handedly making me relive my childhood. Freaking awesome.
Oh, Canadians…
When I was a kid and still going over to my dad’s place on the weekends, we’d often watch his old VHS tapes of the Rocky & Bullwinkle show. One component of the show that (for whatever reason) was brought to the forefront of my memory today was the old Dudley Do-Right segments.
The humor of these must have just gone completely over my head as a kid, but as I’m typing this now I’ve got this one playing in the background and I’m laughing like crazy.
Here are two others:
“We’ve destroyed more bridges than a near-sighted dentist!” Hahahaha.
Neil & Prey
So I had this dream last night in which I developed practically an entire season’s worth of a TV drama called Neil & Prey. The show centers around Victor Neil and Alexander Prey, two undercover cops who disguise themselves as priests to bust crime. Most specifically, church-related crimes.
Like in one episode they thwart a parishioner who was poisoning the congregation via the holy wafer thingies (what are those called? I totally forgot), or another episode where a congregation member deeply involved in church activity starts selling the church wine on the side to make a little profit (hahahaha, profit from the prophet…okay, I’m done).
And, for a bit of a comedic element, Alexander develops a crush on Mary Anne, one of the nuns they’re always around, and Victor does his best to keep his companion from showing any inappropriate outright interest in her.
Yeah. Welcome to my dreams.
Claudia’s Random Observation of the Day
Have you ever noticed that when one of the TV shows you like does a parody or interpretation of another TV show/movie/book, the character you like best in that TV show plays the character you like best in the adapted TV show/movie/book?
For a random example, take Family Guy’s parody of Star Wars. Did your favorite Family Guy character play your favorite Star Wars character? Mine did.
Haha, now that I’ve said this I can’t think of any other examples. But I know they’re out there. Does this happen for you guys, or is it just me?
Short blog.
OH CRAP it’s another blog
Two joyous items:
1. Hulu now has ALL SIX SEASONS of Chicago Hope. Must acquire money to get Hulu Plus. It’s a total ripoff in general, but it’s worth it to see the rest of the CH seasons.
2. The Piano Guys (two of the best musicians on YouTube) + Coldplay’s Paradise (one of the best songs ever) = this fantasticness:
Also, I forgot how much I love running.
I don’t understand these commercials
I thought the Charmin bears had gone by the wayside during my two-year stint without television, but apparently I thought wrong. And lo and behold, the baby bears have yet to have learned how to wipe without shredding the TP enough to leave little pieces on their behinds.
I don’t understand.
1. This has never happened to me in the whole history of wiping my own butt. Is my technique wrong or something? Is this really a common enough problem for the general population that Charmin would devote a decade-long ad campaign promoting their toilet paper as THE toilet paper with which people can wipe without fear of leaving their butt looking like a freshly crop-dusted field?*
2. Do these bears age? Are the baby bears the same baby bears that were starring in these commercials in like the Stone Age? Maybe learning to properly wipe is a skill learned with age for bears, like how to catch salmon and the ability to advocate the prevention of forest fires. Maybe the bears DO age, and the older bears in the commercials are just thrown into reminiscing about how difficult wiping was for them when they were cubs when they see their kids running around with a contrail of toilet paper residue behind them. That makes them run out and purchase some Charmin.
2 ½. You’d think by this point in the generational timeline, however, that they would’ve realized that starting the cubs out with paper that ISN’T Charmin is completely ineffective and would just stock the stuff in the bathrooms (woods?) automatically.
3. Unless you too are a naked anthropomorphic bear, I still don’t really see the issue with this. If you’ve got TP all up on your butt, it’s really your own issue, not the rest of the world’s. Odds are, your parents/significant other/random other people/ aren’t going to point out the debris on your bottom. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to be grounded from spaceflight due to having paper crumbs in your crack:
And hell, if you’ve gone through the rigorous training necessary for intergalactic space travel, if you’ve got pieces of TP on your butt before a mission, your alien coworkers better just let you have pieces of TP on your butt before a mission. The focus should be on the effects of time dilation on you and your fellow astronauts, not on whether or not your butt is pristine.
So there.
*I have no idea if anyone else knows of this technique, but around Moscow once a crop-duster has dusted a field they drop a string of TP on it to mark it as done.
Come on, really?
This afternoon I was bored at home and with nothing else to do, I turned on the TV and watched The Doctors. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s an hour-long show featuring a team of medical professionals who respond to themed health concerns such as diabetes or flu prevention or healthy foods.
Usually these guys are pretty reasonable and accurate with their advice (at least in my opinion). But today’s show, which was focused on weight loss (“Six Ways to Weigh Less;” I’ll critique this theme in a minute), opened with an overweight young man talking about how his partner always cooked for him. This wouldn’t be a bad thing, he said, except for the fact that the foods she cooked were always high in calories and fat and she made him feel like he “had” to eat everything she prepared for him. He felt like he had pressure to finish everything she made for him and therefore felt like she was pressuring him into being overweight.
Yeah, okay, I can respect his concerns. However, I did have issues with how the doctors interpreted the situation following the clip. They basically said that the sole reason a partner/spouse would “make” or “keep” their significant other overweight is due to insecurity. Basically, they make their significant other overweight and thus decrease their desirability to others, insuring the already existing relationship against possible outside threats.
Really?
Really?
I have several problems with this statement. Actually, I have several problems with this episode. Bullet point time!
- The Doctors emphasize multiple times that the episode is focused on making people healthier, and yet it is explicitly titled and referred to as “Six Ways to Weigh Less.” Because we all know that weighing less = increased health. Always. Totally. Except it doesn’t. YES, for those people carrying about a significant amount of weight, the loss of this weight can improve overall health. But it has been shown in several studies (that just links to like a summary) that people who are slightly heavier than “average” using the BMI as a gauge (which is screwy anyway) actually live longer than those of low, average, or obesity-level weight. But since we’ve all been told that weighing less = being healthier no matter what, I guess that’s what we’ll have to believe.
- I don’t like the implication that the woman who is supposedly over-feeding her partner is doing so deliberately. Maybe she’s of a background where food = caring. Maybe she is positively reinforced when her partner finishes the large meals and therefore continues to make them large. Maybe she just likes to cook. Who knows? I think it’s pretty bad to assume she has some sort of ulterior motive here.
- Speaking of the idea of an ulterior motive, how about that idea that the motive is as sinister as keeping her partner “unattractive” to others in order to preserve their relationship? I think jumping to this conclusion puts every fat admirer (or anyone who just doesn’t have a problem with larger people) in a bad light. Most of us who like heavier people do not have this insecurity-driven reason for our preferences. If I had a partner, I wouldn’t want him to be heavy unless he wanted to be heavy or didn’t mind being heavy. Like, I’d be all on board with that if that’s what he wanted, but I certainly wouldn’t purposely try to make him fat with the intention of making him “unappealing” to others in order to preserve our relationship. I wouldn’t try to make him fat at all if that’s not what he wanted, because that’s manipulative and wrong. Saying that’s what’s going on in this case is super insulting to the woman and really just irks the hell out of me.
- Oh, and one last point relating to the previous one: FAT =/= UNATTRACTIVE. STOP REINFORCING THE NONSENSE ASLDFJDLGKAVEAFIFJANDFAJGHH.
Okay I’m done.
30-Day Meme – Day 13: How do you think others view you?
Haha, who knows after reading the above rant. I think other people think I’m weird, I really do. I’m short, I wear weird stuff, I’m quiet unless you get me all riled up about something (see above), I like stats, and I’m a band geek. Weirdness is my forte.
Though I could be completely wrong.
Damn you, Futurama
This had me laughing for literally half an hour.
In fact, the whole “That Darn Katz!” episode had me practically on the floor.
“The horse says, ‘DOCTORATE DENIED!’”
AUGUST?!?!
For any of you MST3K lovers out there…
Personal favorites include:
- Cheating
- The Chicken of Tomorrow
- Days of our Years
- Last Clear Chance
- Mr. B Natural
- Why Study Industrial Arts
Give me a break, it’s been a LONG weekend.
Billy Mays, NOOO!
But, as I was saying to Matt: “HI, BILLY MAYS’ GHOST HERE FOR GHOSTBUSTERS…”
And I know that Billy Mays and Vince were fighting over the kingdom of infomercial land, but this is by the same guy who did the ShamWow! parody awhile back.
“Quit throwin’ your money away, what the FUCK are you DOING?!?!”
So over the top.
aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa!
THE best scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Mr. B Natural
Oh god, I forgot how funny this short was. MST3K forever!
“Joel, I’m scared!”
“That hurt, I’m all messed up inside, if only an androgynous man would come and visit meeeee…”
“Spanking time!”
“See, Buzz? It’s really fun to be psychotic.”
“THIS TRUMPET IS FLAT-LINING!”
Hooray for new obsessions
You know what’s awesome?
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Charlie is adorable. I highly recommend it.I didn’t think I’d like it when I saw the previews for it, but Lanky has the first two seasons on DVD and we’ve been watching them at the house.
Hilarious.
Stoplight Disco would be a GREAT band name
HaHA!
Lookie what I got.
I know what I’ll be doing all night.
I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANSISCO OH SHI—*collapses*
Haha, oh man, this is great. If you’ve ever seen the ShamWow! commercials, you will love this.
“Sham-fuckin’-wow.”
Eigenblogger 