A Song for Y’all
HEYOOOOOOO so I’ve mentioned in the past a few times the idea of re-writing Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” to “update” it for current events.
Well, I just turned 30, so I figured why not try to re-write it so that it covers the past 30 years?
So I gave it a shot. A few things worth noting:
- Joel had 40 years’ worth of stuff in his song; I have 30. Does that make a difference? Dunno.
- The biggest, most impactful event in Joel’s original timeline (at least as far as the song is structured) is JFK’s assassination (“JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say?”). The biggest, most impactful event in my timeline is definitely 9/11. Unfortunately, it does not fit into the song’s timeline very nicely. It’s a whole verse before the JFK line and the way the verses are structured (I tried to give each verse a set number of years), it kind of just falls in the middle of one of them. So not as good.
- Did I miss some major events? Surely. I tried to get a decent variety, but I suspect I missed a few things that would be obvious to include for other people.
- I tried to stay true to his cadence for all of the lines, but a decent number of mine are different than the original.
- This version absolutely sucks compared to the original.
OKAY, HERE WE GO. And as if it needs to be said, this is sung to the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
Berlin Wall, Gorbachev, Syringe Tide, World Wide Web
Roger Rabbit, Cold War, Freddie Mercury
Janet Reno, Rodney King, World Trade Center Bombing
NAFTA, Exxon, Windows, united Germany
Chunnel, Hubble, Desert Storm, war on drugs, Morris Worm
Seinfeld, Waco siege, Space Shuttle Discovery
Friends, Game Boy, dino “Sue,” Hurricane Andrew
Clarence Thomas, GPS, a fatwa for Rushdie
(CHORUS)
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight it
O.J. Simpson, Amazon, Oklahoma City Bomb
Hale-Bopp, boy band pop, Dolly the sheep
Harry Potter, Princess Di, Toy Story, Columbine
Napster, Euro, Ted Kaczynski
ExxonMobil, Sarajevo, Mark McGwire, Galileo
Nunavut, Albright, Titanic, baseball strike,
AOL, Deep Blue, Mad Cow, Google
Bill Gates, Y2K, Clinton and Lewinsky
(CHORUS)
Bush beats Gore, hanging chads, iPods are the new fad
Airplanes hijacked, 9/11 attacks
War on Terror, Taliban, U.S. invades Afghanistan
Homeland, anthrax, and the Patriot Act
Iraq War, Saddam Hussein, Stock exchange, Bush again
Columbia, protests, North Korea nuke test,
SARS, Mir, YouTube, Muhammed, Pluto,
Facebook, Wikipedia, Hurricane Katrina
(CHORUS)
Michael Jackson, Avatar, Large Hadron Collider
H1N1, Sully on the Hudson
Mars Curiosity, Europe gets some record heat
Arab Spring, Bin Laden, Flash Crash, Horizon
Bitcoin, iPhone, exoplanets, Eurozone
Obama, WikiLeaks, Occupy Wall St.
(CHORUS)
Sandy Hook, Michael Brown, Baumgartner faster than sound
Water crisis down in Flint, Donald Trump is president
Higgs Boson, CharlieHebdo, Martian liquid H20
Putin, Snowden, Zika virus, Cubs win
ISIS, Brexit, Harambe, Queen’s Diamond Jubilee
Ebola, eclipse, Vegas shooting, Space X
Record-breaking hurricanes, government shutdown again
Anti-vaxxers, climate change, the whole world has gone insane
(CHORUS)
OH SHIT I’M THIRTY
Today was a garbage bag of a day, but LET’S NOT FOCUS ON THAT, shall we?
I turned 30 years old today, which is pretty wild. Never thought I’d make it. I certainly don’t feel 30…I feel like I’m in my early 20s physically (except for the damn legs) and probably in my mid-20s mentally. Though I still sometimes start my age with a “1” when entering into form fields, which is kinda weird.
Anyway.
I also realized that I have my entire 20s logged in this blog, which is pretty badass. My 20s were pretty eventful.
Then again, I bet most peoples’ 20s are.
Whatev.
Here’s to being old and useless, I guess.
Eigenblogger Deserves a New Header
Title speaks truth.
So I’ve been working on trying to design a new header for this here blog. Why? Reasons:
- I’ve had the same header since 2012. It’s due for a change.
- While I did the Photoshop nonsense on my current header to give it the colors and shading, the font is not an original design of mine. I kind of feel guilty about that. I think my blog’s header should be entirely created by me.
So I want to try to design one by hand. I kind of want the header to be ostentatious because that’s what I’m all about, but I also want it to be simple and clean because that looks better.
So I’m a bit conflicted.
Any preferences or ideas?
Sweet dreams are made of bees / holy shit, that’s a lot of bees
Mom: You should eat more protein; it might help your leg heal faster.
Me: Okay! *eats entire bag of cheese*
Me: Leg, why aren’t you better?
Leg: …
Me: Do…do you need more cheese?
Leg: …
Me: You probably need more cheese.
Leg: Maybe you could stop pounding me into the pavement for four hours every day, that might help me feel better.
Me: *buys more cheese after 15-mile walk*
I…I don’t do well with moderation.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA POOP
This is very interesting. Do you like music? Do you like weird artsy stuff? Watch this.
Euro Truck Simulator 2, aka The Best Game Ever
Read the title.
You: “A trucking simulator? Really?”
Me: “Really.”
You: “But that sounds boring.”
Me: “SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY SCANIA”
It’s very fun. Very relaxing. I delivered beets to Kiel. I only crashed into a few cars. Europe has too many roundabouts.
Have a video! Not mine, obviously.
Super fun, seriously.
Edit: SCREW YOU AND YOUR BACKWARDS WAYS, ENGLAND! SCREW YOU SCREW YOU SCREW YOU
A SONG FOR THE SEASON
Oh, the weather outside is freezing
And the sun’s warmth is deceiving
And my only thought as I go
Is “FUCK I’M COLD, FUCK I’M COLD, FUCK I’M COLD”
This song brought to you by -12℉ wind chill and my poor decision-making skills.
Huh.
Hahaha, what in the actual shit.
MY STUPID LEG IS STUPID
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
I hurt my leg again. Not nearly as badly as the first time, but I can definitely tell this is going to be a setback.
I was out walking this afternoon and, admittedly, was pushing things a bit, trying to get back to my old speed. Everything was going fine and then suddenly I felt this weird sensation followed by immediate sharp pain in the exact same part of my leg as the original injury.
Unlike the first time I hurt it, the pain subsided quite rapidly (the first time it just kept hurting VERY BADLY as I walked). However, I could feel mild pain and a lot of discomfort as I kept going.
That happened at like mile eight; I was able to finish the 15-mile walk, though my speed freaking tanked because I didn’t want to screw things up any more than I already had.
So yeah. This is incredibly frustrating. I felt like I was really making progress and things were finally starting to get back to normal…and now, just by walking, I manage to screw it up again.
Really, I shouldn’t complain too much as it’s definitely not as bad as it was the first time (and honestly, all it’s doing is knocking my speed back down to the point where it doesn’t hurt)…but I’m going to complain a little, because DAMMIT JUST HEAL ALREADY.
“My brother is in trouble there!”
This thing is 10 years old today.
THIS THING IS TEN YEARS OLD TODAY.
For some reason, this also reminds me of this insanity:
Sean thought this was hilarious. His MSN name was “Giant Enemy Crab” for like a year and a half after seeing this.
Confession:
I feel like “Stranger Things” is overhyped. I watched the first season with Nate and I honestly didn’t see what the big deal was. Do people just like it because ZOMG 80s?
MuSiC vIdEoS
Yo.
I was looking through last year’s music and realized that there were a few cool, interesting, or meaningful music videos that I can’t get out of my head. I figured I’d share them with you today, since I have nothing else to blog about.
TreeLogic
So I was in the mail room at school printing some stuff, and I saw this guy:
How…how have I not noticed him before? He’s awesome. He looks cool and calm and all…until you zoom in.
Reduce, reuse, recycle…
…OR REGRET
Navel Oranges: Nature’s True Horror Show
Reasons:
- Regular oranges are gross. These things are probably just as gross and look five times as terrifying.
- I’ve actually never had a navel orange, but according to Wiki, they’re more bitter than regular oranges and produce less juice. They’re also nightmare fuel to look at, but I’ve already said that.
- If I’m going to eat anything with a navel, it’s going to be a mammal. Not a fruit. What the hell.
- Honestly, most of the time the “navel” looks more like a bad hernia than a navel.
- But I suppose if you name a fruit a “hernia orange” then nobody will eat it.
- Seriously what the hell kind of terrifying things are these:
(Image from here)
This blog brought to you by the creepy pile of navel oranges at the grocery store.
Christian: “Why don’t you believe in god?”
Atheist: *holds up a navel orange*
Vine Compilation!1!1!1!!!!!
Hello.
So watching Vine compilations has been a big thing for me over the past few months, ‘cause I miss Vine and there are a lot of compilations on YouTube.
But I’ve never seen a compilation that had all my favorites and none of the ones I didn’t find funny, so I made my own.
Because that’s what I do instead of working sometimes.
Enjoy.
[Edit: I made a new one that has more favorites, so that’s what I’m linking to here]
This might sound weird, but…
Sometimes I miss sleeping on a half-inflated aero bed on the floor.
Hear me out.
So for a good portion of my adult life, I haven’t had a legit bed. I had a “bed” in the Wallace dorm (I put quotes around it because it was really just some springs with, like, a small sheet of foam over top) and in McConnell, but once I moved in with the guys, I slept on an aero bed. I slept on the same aero bed in Vancouver until I punctured it on a door strike plate (if having internet in that garbage bag of a basement apartment meant switching my bedroom and living room, then I was going to switch away). Then I…um…
(slept on the deflated bed for like five months because depression is fun)
Got a new one in my new Vancouver apartment and slept on that until Tucson, where I slept on a thick piece of foam. Then, back in Moscow, I slept on a couch. And back on an aero bed in Calgary before moving in with Nate and finally having an actual bed.
Every once and a while, especially when it’s hella cold out like it’s been lately, I really miss crawling into the comforting cocoon of a half-deflated aero bed, wrapping like seven blankets around me, and just relaxing. Daydreaming. Hitting REM sleep as soon as my eyes close.*
Don’t get me wrong, having an actual factual bed is nice. But aero beds, man…
*Though I can do this anywhere. Ask Nate/my mom/anyone who’s sat near me in a plane/bus/car.
FUCK YOU, I’M A TURNIP
So I decided to plot my cumulative walking mileage for 2013, 2015, 2016, and 2017* to see if I tend to gain mileage at about the same rate despite the different yearly totals.
Man, look at that total difference at the end of the year for 2013 vs. 2017. I hit 2013’s total mileage on April 8th in 2017.
Lawl, you can see July 2017.
Anyway. The gains look relatively similar across all years I suppose, huh?
*I’m not including my 2014 mileage because I can only find the data from the months I was in Calgary, not the whole year.
Ha
So I found this comedian, John Mulaney, through a Tumblr post with the following video:
Which is hysterical. But then I found someone who made a kinetic typography video of one of his short sketches and it’s perfect for the subject matter:
Canadian Baseball League Idea!
Nate bought me Out of the Park Baseball 18 because he knows I’m super into baseball now and this game allows you to do basically every possible baseball simulation you can imagine.
We are currently in the doldrums between baseball seasons, but I think what I want to do once the regular season starts up is to make a fake Canadian baseball league (the Canadian Baseball League, maybe? CBL?) with teams in some of the major Canadian cities. I can make the teams and then simulate the year with those teams and see how it goes. I think that would be super cool!
(Edit: yeah, I got way too busy to do this. But I still want to make it happen! Maybe next season).
Oh my…
She’s…she’s a rectangle.
NONSENSICAL TITLE TIME
Huh, this looks intriguing.
2,500 words is…not a lot. And the word counts get smaller with each round. But I guess that’s only if you do well enough!
It’s also pricey, though, so I’m not sure.
But it’s a challenge. I seem to only be able to write under the pressure of a challenge or deadline.
WE SHALL SEE
Confused? Scared? Sad?
Watch this.
Your brain will thank you.
[I can’t remember what this was and it’s gone now, so sorry for the completely useless blog]
Claudia Gets Superficial Frostbite: A Canadian Winter Adventure Story
Alternate Title: Claudia Flirts with -25℉ Wind Chill for 45 Minutes and Thinks Nothing Will Go Wrong and Oh How Wrong It All Went
So it was cold today.
It’s been cold here for a bit now, but today felt extra cold because of the wind. Usually the wind is strongest in the morning (and as the sun is going down at night), then tapers off a bit during the middle of the day.
I can’t wait until the middle of the day to go walking because I teach at 3:00, so I usually leave as early as I can (around 9 AM) and do my walking then.
Which is what I did today.
Bad idea.
I always head west first on my walks, which is the direction the wind comes from like 97% of the time. I was fine for the first two miles or so, but the third mile happened to take place on the windiest, most exposed part of the river trail.
I start feeling really, really cold. That kind of cold where you kind of start to stumble around a lot and start to kind of lose a bit of rational thinking.
(I’ve felt it before a lot, haha.)
I also really have to pee, but luckily there’s a heated bathroom a little ways ahead, so I suck it up, push through the wind (which is blowing at me from about 2:00) and finally make it to the bathroom.
This bathroom has a mirror above the one sink. I happened to take a glance into this mirror and I noticed that the whole right side of my nose—the part that was getting the brunt of the wind—was white. Like, chalk white. Like it was starting to actually freeze.
So that was a bit disconcerting, especially considering it was a 2.5-mile walk back home in temperatures that weren’t going to get a whole lot warmer. But I had to get back somehow, so I stayed in the bathroom long enough for my skin to warm back up, then actually took my scarf out of my backpack and put it on (no, I wasn’t originally wearing it. Remember that I’m the smartest person in the world, here), and trekked back. It wasn’t nearly as bad as going out because the wind was at my back, but -25℉ windchill is -25℉ windchill no matter what, so it wasn’t like it was a pleasant walk or anything.
Finished my walk indoors at Anytime Fitness.
Party time in Calgary weather, yo.
Eigenblogger 