1. January was National Mentoring Month. Have you ever had a mentor? Been a mentor? How would you rate the experience?
I’ve never been a mentor and have never been mentored. So there.

2. What current trend makes no sense to you?
Active wear (especially yoga pants (ESPECIALLY yoga pants with that weird mesh nonsense)) being worn as everyday clothing. NO. STOP. You’re RUINING EVERYTHING.

3. I saw a cartoon on Facebook highlighting a few ‘weird’ things that make you happy as an adult. The list included-writing with a nice pen, having plans cancelled, freshly cleaned sheets, eating the corner brownie, cleaning the dryer lint screen, and sipping coffee in that brief time before anyone else wakes up. Of the ‘weird’ things listed which one makes you happiest?
Having plans cancelled, but only if they’re plans with other people that I really didn’t want to commit to in the first place.

4. What’s the last good thing you ate?
I made broccoli and pasta the other day. Yesterday? Maybe. I don’t know how days work anymore.

5. Describe life in your 20’s in one sentence.
*velociraptor screeching*

6. It’s that time of year again…time for Lake Superior University to present a list of words (or phrases) they’d like to see banished (for over-use, mis-use, or general uselessness) in 2018. This year’s top vote getters are — unpack, dish (as in dish out the latest rumor), pre-owned, onboarding/offboarding, nothingburger, let that sink in, let me ask you this, impactful, Covfefe, drill down, fake news, hot water heater(hot water doesn’t need to be heated), and gig economy. Which of these words/phrases would you most like to see banished from everyday speech and why? Is there a word not on the list you’d like to add?
None of these really bother me. I’m getting really tired of “tea” being used as slang for gossip as of late, though. Just call it gossip, you nerds.

7. What’s something you need to get rid of in the New Year?
Myself My STUPID INJURY OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STILL HURTING

8. Where do you feel stuck?
Everywhere.

9. January is National Soup Month. When did you last have a bowl of soup? Was it made from scratch or from a can? Your favorite canned soup? Your favorite soup to make from scratch on a cold winter’s day?
FUCK I MISSED NATIONAL SOUP MONTH?!?!?!?! THIS YEAR SUCKS

10. Tell us one thing you’re looking forward to in 2018.
Nothing.

SURVEY TWO!

1. Do you prefer winter or summer? Why?
Summer. Better walking conditions.

2. What are your favorite winter activities?
Walking when it’s actively snowing but there’s not a lot of build-up on the sidewalks. Trying not to fall on the ice. Trying not to get frostbite. All that fun stuff!

3. Can you tell me about a time you went skiing or skating?
I’ve never skied. It’s been a long time since I’ve skated (the last time I remember skating was in 2007. It was my reward to myself for getting a 4.0 in a semester where there was no way in hell I should have gotten a 4.0).

4. Have you ever made a snow angel?
Long ago.

5. Is your house cold?
It’s 74 in here because Nate understands that he married a lizard and needs to keep said lizard warm.

6. Do you have a fireplace in your house?
Nope. Unless you count Nate, which you should, ‘cause his body temperature is usually high enough to qualify as fire.

7. What do you usually do to keep warm in the winter?
WARMTH IS AN ILLUSION

8. Have you ever gone hiking in the snow?
Not hiking. Just walking.

9. Tell me about a snowball fight you had.
Not sure if I’ve ever had one that’s memorable enough to recall.

10. Have you ever looked at a snowflake carefully?
I’ve looked a snowflake in the eye as I told it I killed its pa.

11. Do you have a sled? Have you been sledding?
I used to sled all the time. Our dog Mindy would chase me down the hills. Then I got a concussion after barreling into a clod of frozen dirt, ‘cause that how I roll.

12. What do you usually do after a big snowfall?
Hope that the sidewalks are still walkable, but walk either way.

13. What’s the best thing about winter?
I like snow. Ice? No. The threat of frostbite? No. But I like snow.

14. What’s the worst thing about winter?
Ice. And the melting period when the whole damn city is just a giant puddle and walking is the most frustrating thing ever.

15. Have you ever been in a blizzard?
Not a technical blizzard, no.

16. Can you describe ice for me?
It’s the devil.

17. Have you ever slipped on ice and hurt yourself?
I’ve slipped on the ice a decent amount of times, but never actually hurt myself past bruises.

18. Have you ever had to shovel snow?
Oh yeah. When I lived in that house with the guys I was the only one on that entire damn block who shoveled.

19. Will you be watching the Olympics?
HELL YES

20. If yes, what are your favorite events?
I love speed skating. And figure skating.

I’m cold and bored, LEAVE ME ALONE

1. What is a normal thing that took you an embarrassingly long time to learn?
I don’t know if this counts at all since it’s not really something you “learn,” but it took me a long time to understand what a lot of people in movies were actually saying when they spoke. This was especially true in Disney movies. I focused much more on the intonations and “sing-songiness” of peoples’ voices and phrases and not really much on the actual words they said. Even today when I watch movies I first saw as a little kid, the memories of the “song” of the speech comes back to my memory much quicker than the actual words.

Maybe a more appropriate answer to this one would be the fact that it took me quite a long time to learn that sounds like “th” and “ch” and “sh” did not have their own letter of the alphabet but instead were comprised of multiple letters. I remember sitting in kindergarten trying to spell the word “chair” and freaking out because I couldn’t figure out which of the 26 letters in the alphabet made the “ch” sound.

2. In what ways are you old-fashioned?
Ways that would probably make me enemy #1 for some of my friends, so I won’t mention them. Don’t worry, I’m not a closet republican or anything like that. I’ve just got some old-fashioned views about a few sensitive subjects that I’d rather not express.

3. What is the best sandwich you’ve ever eaten? Where did you get it? What made it so delicious?
My mom’s grilled cheese. I got it from my mom. It’s delicious ‘cause of mom.
(It’s Colby-Jack cheese on potato bread. Try it. It’s so much better than your standard American cheese on white bread.)

4. What are you currently not bragging about that you should totally brag about?
The fact that I walked 5,100 miles last year. Because, you know, I haven’t mentioned that in the last five minutes.

5. What food have you never tasted and are most interested in trying?
None. None foods. I don’t like new things, they’re scary.

6. What history facts were you surprised to learn because it was never covered in school?
Pretty much any math facts or facts about those who came up with mathematical techniques and theorems. I think I would have enjoyed math more if we had gotten some human context to it, you know?

7. What is something that you waited entirely too long to start or stop doing? What made you say “Why did I wait so long?”
Walking for pleasure/exercise/the sake of my sanity. I used to shun it and thought it was boring. Now it’s my life.

8. What socially expected thing do you hate doing the most?
All this germophobe garbage. “Don’t touch the dirt!” “Sanitize everything!” “Ew you touched a worm that’s gross so many germs better saw off your fingers so you don’t get C O N T A M I N A T E D!!!!!1” This is why the superbugs will win.

10. What do you miss most about childhood?
Having so much time and potential ahead of me to do things right. Too bad I screwed it all up.

11. What “fact” did you learn in school that is not true or no longer true?
Christopher Columbus is a planet and Pluto discovered America.
Wait.

12. What’s your favorite piece of useless trivia?
The kilogram is the only SI unit that is still defined by a physical object rather than by a physical constant. The kilogram, “Le Grand K,” is a platinum alloy cylinder stored in France.

13. What’s your best go to homemade “lazy” meal
Handfuls of shredded cheese straight from the bag. You’re not an adult until you’ve snarfed down half a cup of cheese while watching Vine compilations on YouTube.

Actually, my typical “lazy” meal is “pass out on the couch and forget to eat.” That happens more frequently than I’d like to admit

14. What’s the title of this current chapter in your life?
“LOL You’re a Still A Failure”

15. What is a habit or practice that you learned from your childhood that you didn’t realize was “weird” until you were an adult?|
Uh…let’s not talk about that one. It’s private.