Tag Archives: children

Timmy? Tommy? Whatever.

So for the first time in a looooong time, I had a dream last night that was devoid of violence, death, or unimaginable horrors. It was actually quite entertaining, so I shall share it with you here.

In this dream, Nate and I have a kid.* And just as would probably happen in real life, the kid is second in importance after Jazzy. Like, the kid will be sitting on the floor next to Jazzy’s food bowl and I’d pick up the bowl to refill it for Jazzy before picking up the kid. And we just kind of…leave him places around the house, like on a bookshelf or behind the TV or under the bed. He’s just there.

(Parents of the Year!)

Anyway, at one point in the dream I realize that CPS is going to take our kid away if we don’t start paying more attention to him. So I tell Nate that I’m going to get a special clock made. This clock will have the name of our kid written in place of the “12” and the “1” to remind us to spend time with the kid during those hours.

The clock arrives and the name that replaces the “12” and the “1” is “Timmy.” Now in the dream I’m super confused at this point, because I’m pretty sure we named our kid Tommy. I spend a good amount of time trying to get Nate to say the kid’s name to confirm what it actually is, but he never says it. So I eventually just have to show him the clock and ask, “what did we actually name our kid? Is it Timmy or is it Tommy?”

Nate’s pretty sure it’s Tommy too, so my next question is who the hell is Timmy? And rather than take responsibility for the fact that we’re screw-ups who can’t remember what we named our kid and thus bought a clock with the wrong name on it, Nate and I quickly make up a guy named “Timmy” – we say he’s Nate’s cousin – and that’s why we made the mistake on the clock.

Then we’re all like, “aw, man, nobody likes Timmy!” “Screw Timmy!” “Everything about Timmy is a mistake!” and we renounce the hell out of him to try to justify why we can’t keep the clock anymore. We don’t want some loser’s name on it, after all.

So after the clock is disposed of, I tell Nate that we can’t call Tommy anything other than Tommy because we need to make sure we remember his name and the only way to do so is to just repeat it constantly.

Then I immediately go up to the kid and start cooing at him like “ooooh, who’s my special Happy Giggle Toes Diaper Boy? My Fancy Rude Dude Red Pants???” and I can feel Nate glaring at me because I’m calling him everything but Tommy.

Then I woke up.

Anyway. Weird dream. And it further supports our decision to NEVER HAVE KIDS EVER.

*Okay, so this technically falls under the “unimaginable horrors” category because of that, but I’ll let it slide since the dream was overall quite hilarious and not of the “oh god oh god I have a kid I’ve ruined my life” style.

Protected: It’s time for another rant!

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Makin’ Babies

I  had a dream last night that in which I gave birth to seven boys.

Woke up, utilized StumbleUpon, and this page was the first one I reached.

The universe is weird.

I would be a Funseeker Mom:
Funseeker Mom is always ready for action with a cooler full of snacks, ice-cold juice boxes and a go-to attitude. She makes the best of any situation, whether it’s a long carpool line or bad year in algebra. And, she never lets the fear of no available parking stop her from heading to the beach or the park with a carful of kids. She’s glass-half-full all the time.

I actually think I’d be a “Spaz Out  in the Corner until Child Turns 18 and Leaves House Mom,” but that wasn’t a result on this quiz.


Namin’ Babies

I will never have kids. The world needs Claudia spawn about as much as it needs a George W. Bush cloning machine running 24/7 all year ‘round*. But because I’m me, I’ve often thought about what I would name said spawn should he/she/they ever exist.

I usually limit my naming fantasies to male names, because I think I’d produce a male if I were to ever, by some miracle of divine intervention, produce a child.

So because I rediscovered the Name Voyager and all its pretty slopes and lines, I shall present you with my 10 favorite baby (boy) names.

10.  Amory
I dig this name probably because it is the name of the main character in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel, This Side of Paradise. I love Fitzgerald. He rocks. Anyway. It’s got a nice “old fashioned” feel to it, and according to the Baby Name Voyager, it hasn’t been one of the top 1,000 names in the US anytime between 1880 and now.

9. Eddy
I don’t really know why I like this name. I know my mom likes it, too. Possibly I picked it up from her? Haha, or maybe ‘cause I used to watch a

LOT of Ed, Edd, n’ Eddy when I was younger. I freaking love that show.

8. Charles
Another cool old-fashioned name. It has to be Charles, though. I’m not a big fan of Charlie or Chuck.

7. Simon
Unfortunately, if you say the name Simon to people, probably 70% or so of them will immediately think of either Simon Cowell or Simon the chipmunk. Or that game “Simon Says.” Nevertheless, I really like this name. It’s smooth and simple.

6. Meriwether
This is why I can’t have kids. Because society is dumb, I think any young man labeled Meriwether would probably get teased to death because of it. Nevermind Meriwether Lewis of freaking LEWIS AND CLARK was a badass.

5. Eugene
An old name you don’t hear much anymore. I like names with lots of vowels in them.

4. Adam
Such a nice, simple name. I also have this weird thing for Biblical names. Though if I were to have a little dude and keep my last name, I couldn’t name him Adam ‘cause then his name would be all smooshed together—“Adammahler”—and that would be obnoxious.

3. Jules
Tribute to Jules Verne, the greatest science fiction writer ever! I like French names/French versions of other names. I would read this child 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea for their bedtime story. Or maybe Around the World in Eighty Days, it’s a bit lighter.

2. Nick
Yes, Nick, I like your name. Nicholas reminds me of Santa Clause, so that’s out, but Nick has always been a pretty snazzy name in my opinion. Also this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGYpsNpg1bw&feature=related

1. Scott
Another “tribute” name, this one in honor of Sir Robert Falcon Scott, an Englishman who led several expeditions to Antarctica back when it was still Terra Incognita to most and who, in a race with Roald Amundsen to be the first to reach the Pole, died on the ice. Haha, that sounds so depressing, eh? You all know how I love Antarctica, though. And you really don’t ever hear the name Scott anymore, do you?

The end!

*Tell me that’s not the most terrifying concept ever.

I’ll be your particle if you’ll be my accelerator

So apparently some chick I went to high school with is engaged to Ludacris now. I don’t remember her AT ALL, and I don’t think she was in my year. Still though, small world.

Anyway. Interesting article.

Sorry, slow day.


Today’s song: Explosive by Bond