Tag Archives: statistics jokes


So here are pictures of shirts that I want need.



That “Stoked” one? Oh my god I want it. They have women’s shirts, too, so it might have to happen. The “Extended Hospitalization” one is pretty fantastic, too.

All from here.

Anxiety, I will STAB you in the FACE

Once you let me leave the house.

In the meantime…

Because it’s that kind of a day.

  • One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the Dean’s office and in rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician. The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion. The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation. While they are doing this, the statistician is setting fires to all the other wastebaskets in the office. “What are you doing?” they demanded. “Well, to solve the problem, obviously you need a large sample size” the statistician replies.
  • What’s the question the Cauchy distribution hates the most?
    “Got a moment?”
  • Did you hear about the statistician who was looking all over for the sum of eigenvalues from a variance-covariance matrix but couldn’t find a trace?
  • Did you hear about the nonparametrician who couldn’t get his driving license? He couldn’t pass the sign test.
  • A middle-aged man suddenly contracted the dreaded disease kurtosis. not only was this disease severely debilitating, but he had the most virulent strain called leptokurtosis. A close friend told him his only hope was to see a statistical physician who specialized in this type of disease. The man was very fortunate to locate a specialist but he had to travel 800 miles for an appointment.
    After a thorough physical exam, the statistical physician exclaimed, “Sir, you are indeed a lucky person in that the FDA has just approved a new drug called Mesokurtimide for your illness. This drug will bulk you in the middle, smooth out your stubby tail, and restore your longer range of functioning. In other words, you will feel ‘NORMAL’ again!”
  • What did one regression coefficient say to the other regression coefficient?
    “I’m partial to you!”
  • Why are the mean, median, and mode like a valuable piece of real estate?

Yay, I feel better now.

A Statistician Walks into an X-Bar


The idea (and written content) of this was Sean’s. I animated it because that’s what I did with stuff back in 2008.

Yes, I still find this absolutely hilarious.

[Edit: oops, this one got lost in the last upload and didn’t get posted. Apologies!]

I’ll be your eigenvalue if you be my eigenvector

Stats humor! I’m making these my post today even though I’m pretty sure none of my followers follow me for my stats drabble.

  • Q: What do you call a tea party with more than 30 people?
    A: A z party!
  • Day of the quiz:
    Professor: “OK students, you have fifteen minutes to plot the bivariate distribution between A and B, fifteen minutes to compute the correlation between A and B, and 5 SECONDS to compute the kurtosis of B.”
    One student stands up very worried: “Excuse me Professor, how can we posssibly compute a kurtosis in 5 SECONDS?”
    The Professor looks at the class very reassuring: “No need to be worried, kids, IT TAKES ONLY A MOMENT!!”
  • How is a normal probability distribution like a lion?
    They both have a MEAN MEW.
  • The Normal Curve in its critique    
    Is beautifully symmetrical and sleek.
    Sometimes it is skinny and tall
    Other times fat and real small.
    But with it the data will always speak.
  • Did you hear about: the statistician who was looking all over for the sum of eigenvalues from a variance- covariance matrix but couldn’t find a trace?
  • Did you hear the one about the statistician?




The Panther, the Wizard, and the Laundry Chute

For all of you who enjoy my stats-related posts, here are some of my dumb cartoons. Yes, I know they suck. Yes, I know I can’t draw/Photoshop/be funny. Oh well. Click to enlarge.

(Source for SAS pic)

(Source for original scale pic)


Haha, totally just remembered that that’s happening in like five days.

Commence pulling last-minute plot out of ass!

In the meantime THREE THINGS!

1. Adventure Time is still the greatest show on Cartoon Network and Lumpy Space Princess is freaking awesome.

I still think the art/feel of this cartoon is very similar to that of Tom Deslongchamp.

2. I’ve posted this before, but I’m linking to it again ‘cause it rules and I just rediscovered it.

3. Haha, stats jokes.

30-Day Meme – Day 27: The last thing that made you cry.
Uncertainty. I don’t like things being “up in the air” like they currently are. I don’t know how long I’ll be in Moscow, I don’t know what’s going on with the rest of my educational career (‘cause it’s most certainly not over, screw that), and most of all, I don’t know what’s going on with my head. Hopefully things will start making some sense in the coming weeks. It also doesn’t help that I’ve literally only got a suitcase’s worth of stuff here at my dad’s and the rest of my things are making their way across the continent, current location unknown. If my stats books and notes get lost, someone’s gettin’ stabbed.

The Count of Monte Carlo

Haha, um, yeah.

What would happen if large sample sizes were as desired as large…well, you know.
Yes, I realize I can’t draw. Deal with it.

Top Ten Reasons to Become a Statistician


10. Deviation is considered normal.
9. We feel complete and sufficient.
8. We are mean lovers.
7. Statisticians do it discretely and continuously.
6. We are right 95% of the time.
5. We can safely comment on someone’s posterior distribution.
4. We may not be normal but we are transformable.
3. We never have to say we are certain.
2. We are honestly significantly different.
1. No one wants our jobs.