According to the forecast, today was supposed to involve brief periods of “trace amounts” of rain. Nate and I believed the forecast, so we went out for our usual weekend walk.
Nate and I are fools.
About two and a half miles in, “trace amounts of rain” turned into “lol, better run, idiots, the sky is gonna drown you” and we had to take shelter under an overpass for a little bit before braving the strong rain to get to The Core downtown. By then, we were super soaking wet (I could wring out my coat) but only like five miles into the walk, so after trying to dry off a little in the mall, we managed to get a few more miles in by walking through the open portions of the Plus 15.
We also Plus 15-ed it to The Running Room for me to get shoes, then gunned it home to try to beat even more rain.
I lived in Vancouver for two years. Vancouver is Rain City like 99% of the time.
But I have never dealt with as much rain as I did today on my walk.
Story time: so we all know by this point that it would basically take some sort of natural disaster to prevent me from walking (even a natural disaster, depending on what it is, might still be walk-through-able). So when I left this morning for my walk and it was raining a little bit, I didn’t think too much of it. I had my raincoat on and all my electronics in baggies in my backpack, so what was the worst that could happen, right?
Fast forward to about three and a half miles into my walk and the unpleasant but light drizzle of rain had transformed to “DROWN EVERYONE FROM ABOVE” levels of torrential downpour.
Usually when it does that here in Calgary, the torrential downpour is quite short-lived. Ten minute, max.
FOR THE REST OF MY WALK
That is, for the remaining TWELVE MILES.
Note that twelve miles takes me a bit less than three hours, so that’s a long time to be out in that kind of rain.
And my raincoat? It couldn’t handle that nonsense. Not only was it raining like a fire hydrant exploded in the sky, but it was also very gusty. So by the end of my walk, the inside of my jacket was just as wet as the outside.
How wet? Well, let’s just say I’ve been drier after getting out of the shower.
I was soaking wet. I got to campus and left a trail of water from where I entered the building to my office. I got to my office, got my change of clothes, and headed to the bathroom to change.
I could wring out my hair. I could wring out my pants. I could wring out my underwear. That’s how wet I was.
My backpack had about an inch and a half of water in the bottom of it. The double baggies surrounding the external hard drive that I carry everywhere (‘cause I’m weird and paranoid) barely did their job of keeping that thing dry.
So yeah. I spent the rest of the day freezing in my office. At least the rain had stopped by the time I left to go home.
I grew up in Moscow, where summers are dry. I don’t like this wet summer nonsense.
Like…it’s not as if I haven’t walked in the rain before. It sucks but it’s manageable. But it was seriously raining this morning, so I took the day off.
Which I shouldn’t have, because the rain cleared up around 1 PM.
But leaving for a 30-mile walk at 1 PM means that I wouldn’t be home until like 7 PM at the earliest.
Which I didn’t want to do.
Sorry, I’m in a bad mood.
An Ode to Garbage Weather and My Recently Deceased Umbrella
(to the tune of this part of the Pirates of the Caribbean music)
What in the fuck
is all this rain
It’s like it’s GODDAMN VANCOUVER
I’m not a duck
I hate the wet
I just want to be dry.
I should get home
but I cannot
Cause I just LOST MY UMBRELLA
It caught the wind
It flew away
It’s gone forever, goodbye.
And then I look at the weather there and think, “HAHA NOPE!”
When I’m not carrying anything and feel like I could run five miles, I get to the bus stop just as the bus is pulling in.
When I have 50 pounds combined of backpack and groceries and it’s windy and cold, I miss the bus by about 30 seconds.
SUCH IS LIFE.
One gripe I’ve had with my iPod Touch is the fact that, unlike the Nano, it doesn’t have a pedometer. I love Nano’s pedometer ‘cause I’m that type of obsessive person who likes to track progress and estimate changes in my daily patterns and just generally be a number watching weirdo.
But today I found probably the coolest “you’re obsessive so you’ll love this” app: iTreadmill. I will utilize this tomorrow on my walk to whatever the hell mall I decide to go to, but I calibrated it this afternoon and can already tell it’s awesome.
- Steps per minute
- Average pace
- Average speed
It keeps track of your history and gives you graphs! You can create a playlist to listen to as you go (I just put my whole “Favorites” playlist to play), you can enter your weight to get an accurate calories estimate, and you can set step, calories, distance, or time goals and set alarms to sound for certain milestones to your goals if you like that kind of stuff (I do). It also pauses automatically after 5 seconds of inactivity so waiting at stoplights and such won’t lessen your average speed.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
Download it, dudes.
Also, they should just make this a static claim on CTV weather for Vancouver:
Earlier today when they still had Saturday’s prediction up they actually had words (“light rain,” “rain,” “more rain” (seriously), “rain and snow”), but I guess they ran out of synonyms.
SUCH IS LIFE.
If I were to sum up the entire amount of rain I’ve observed over the span of my life, I’m honestly not sure if the total would be more than the amount of rain I observed tonight.
It was raining as usual when I left the psych building, and it was still raining as usual once I got off the #41 and crossed the street to wait for the #7. The bus wasn’t scheduled to arrive for another 7 minutes, so rather than walk home in the rain (and this was one of the best decisions I’ve made, just wait), I decided to just stand there and wait for it.
Not a minute later, the sky exploded. It literally went from an average rain storm to a FREAKING TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR in about a second. It was like god was pouring an infinite bucket of water from the sky, it was crazy. Within two minutes there were rivers of water flowing down Dunbar wide enough to paddle a canoe down them. The wind was blowing like crazy, the traffic lights were swinging, people driving didn’t quite know what to do…
It was insane. Then, just as suddenly, five minutes later, it stopped. And the bus showed up. My pants were SOAKING wet, like I had jumped in a lake or something.
Crazy times. At least I still had power this time.
Part One: “Rain Makes People Stupid”
FOR GOD’S SAKE! I didn’t think people could get any dumber on this campus in regards to their walking behaviors, but apparently, they can. So in response to this, I am now laying down a (sarcastic) set of rules for all you people based on my observations today:
1) Being in possession of an umbrella automatically frees you from any rules involving social consideration. Your privileges include being allowed to aimlessly swerve around like a chicken with your head cut off because you fail to realize that you can actually lift your umbrella up slightly so that you can see where you’re going underneath it, carrying oversized umbrellas and not yielding to other walkers on the sidewalk because hell, you’ve got the bigger umbrella, and standing in front of doorways for five minutes as you shake the water off said oversized umbrellas while remaining totally oblivious to the fact that other people would like to pass through said doors.
2) You’re automatically allowed to amble aimlessly and at the speed of 0.000001 miles per hour down the center of sidewalks where doing so does not allow room for people to pass on either side of you because hey—everyone likes to be out in the rain for longer than is necessary, especially when they’re being delayed by a total insensitive idiot.
3) Making such incredibly blatant observations about incredibly glaring issues, such as, “your pants are wet” will be met with such serious and sincere comments such as, “gee, you’re a regular Einstein! I wondered at this sensation of wetness around my ankles and could not put my finger on what was causing it! No no, it takes true genius in the form of an observer pointing out obvious facts to relate such information to the uninformed person to which it is happening! Bravo, good sir! Bravo!”
Part Two: “…and Eat Sticks”
I go to philosophy today and sit by, as always, some football player who claims to see me specifically at each game (I know I know, football player + philosophy = does not compute, bear with me here). Today, I notice he has his usual cup of overpriced coffee from the coffee shop, but is chewing on what appears to be a stick. I’d say this stick is about five inches long, and about a centimeter in diameter. “Okay,” I think, “he’s gnawing on a stick. A little strange, but I’ll swing with it.”
I swear to god the whole stick was gone by the time the professor finished lecturing.
He freaking ate a stick! I am beside myself. I will never look at football players the same again.
Side point: my philosophy teacher rocks.