In Space, No One Can Hear You Tween
Yeah. This is why I need school.
Note: crappy quality due both to my lack of Flash skills and the fact that I only spent about six minutes on this.
Just when you thought the album covers had ceased…THEY JUST KEEP GETTING DORKIER!
Idea that came to me from several random pieces. Awhile ago I was thinking what an awesome band name Cellophane would be. Yesterday I was messing around with Wikipedia’s “random article” generator and came across the “Cello” page. I thought to myself, “hmm, I wonder what I could do with those f-holes?” (get your minds out of the gutter!). Then late tonight came the revelation of “holy crap, I could use an f-hole as an “f” in a band name!”
Then, “Dang, too bad “Cellophane” doesn’t have an “f” in it.”
Then, “But it does have an “f” sound…maybe I could spell it “Cellofane.”
And, “Holy crap, it would be a PERFECT name for a cello group, ‘cause it’s CELLOfane!!!”
And this was produced (yes, I know, the instrument pictured in it is a violin. Shut up.)
Like it? Isn’t “String Theory” the BEST name for an album for a string group?
Waiter! I JUST WANT SOUP, DAMMIT!
Bored. Drew crap in Flash. Supposed to be somewhat abstract. Deal with the crappiness.
I should be stopped
More of these. Because I cannot stop.
If Plato and Bishop Berkeley had released albums…
This is what they would look like.
Yes, I’m that geeky.
Claudia can’t do math, but she sure can make stupid album covers. Useful talent right there.
Berkeley was the one who said “existence is perception,” and Plato, of course, had his famous Allegory of the Cave.
I have the feeling that this is going to be the summer of the album covers, I’m saying that right now.
Welcome to Stress Town. Population: Claudia
Holy crap, today was the most stressful day of the entire semester. Let me tell you why.
So remember that stats test I took last Wednesday? We got that back today. What was the number on the top?
65.
Yeah.
You can imagine the flip out that ensued. It was all over. Goodbye GPA, goodbye Summa cum Laude, goodbye grad school.
In the midst of this panic, I realize two things. One, he’s going over the test, and then two, my answers on the first page that were marked wrong (all of them were) matched the correct answers he was giving us. I took this up with him after class and long story short, I didn’t get a 65, I got an 80. Yes, that does make me very, very happy, but DEAR GOD I ALMOST LOST IT in class when I saw that 65. If you ever wanted to see the visual display that would accompany someone’s dreams getting crushed, you probably should’ve seen my face when I got that test back. Plus, an 80 still sucks; I’ve given myself a small 15-point window of error for the remaining 150 points in the class. Can I pull it off?
That’s a good question. I’m certainly going to do my best. There’s no way in hell I’m letting a stats class ruin my 4.0.
Second stressor of the day: I get back to my dorm at about 4:30 after research and I chill out for a few minutes, waiting for registration at 7, and am just about to fall asleep in my chair when it dawns on me that I still haven’t turned in my petition to take 22 credits—my limit is set at 20. The registrar’s office closes at 5. I look at the clock. 4:55. I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster in my life. I got there in time (barely) and got that taken care of, so that was good.
Third stressor of the day: with my credit limit taken care of (at least for now, I still have to get that other petition in), nothing was left to do but wait for registration at 7. By 6:58 I had all my little CRN numbers typed in so that I could just hit “submit” at 7 and it would all go through. No problem, right?
Ha.
All my classes go through…all except one: my stats class. My graduate-level stats class. The one I was assured by my advisor that I would get into (“there are no undergraduate restrictions to get into graduate classes!”). Yeah, apparently there are. So that’s just one more thing I’m going to have to straighten out sometime soon. I’m not posting my schedule tonight ’cause it’s not complete; I’ll do it once stats works out (that is, if it does at all).
So how did I relieve all this stress? I talked to Sean and I made an album cover. Observe:
Pitchfork and little horns were added by yours truly. I can’t decide if I like this one or not.
Bonferroni is not a type of pasta
Not too much to say today, really. Hung out with Rob (outside, cause it was nice for once!), and that was fun. Freaking out about my stats test. I feel kinda sick. Here are two album covers for you to admire.
Yes, that first one’s a stats thing.
Halfway through, still holding strong…
HA! Spring Break, baby! I didn’t think I was going to make it past this week…Monday-Thursday was incredibly stressful. But here I am, at the midpoint of a semester of 25 credits, and holding a 4.0 so far (with 4 out of 9 classes reporting). And the real surprising thing is the fact that I’m holding up surprisingly well. Haven’t crumpled under the stress yet (though I was close on Tuesday, not going to lie). I think I’ve hit my stride with this workload. Unfortunately, I’m very tempted to increase my credit load in the fall to something like 27, but I won’t do that. It’s silly and unnecessary, especially if 6 of my credits next semester are going to be coming from graduate-level statistics classes (which, if they’re both offered, will be the case). I just hope the 4.0 can last until the end of the semester…please, oh please…
Hmm…what else was I going to say in this thing today…
Oh yes! I was going to give you guys an example of a formal proof. This was one of our practice problems, one full of those delicious things we call subproofs! Observe (oh, and the little carat (^) is read as “and,” the little v is read as “or,” that little tilde-like thing at the beginning of the first premise is read as “not,” and _|_ is the symbol for a contradiction. Like that will help at all, but just thought you should know):
Oh, and the goal is to prove R.
This was done in Fitch, the program we use. It’s picky as hell. “Fitch” does not rhyme with “bitch” for no reason, as one person pointed out in our recitation session.
Oh, and an album cover! I like putting wings on things. I’d show you the original, but I’ve lost it (not it it, the picture, it…aw, nevermind).
I tried flying by the seat of my pants, but I couldn’t get them certified by the FAA.
Three points of interest today.
1. I need a name for my animations/artwork. Like a business name.
I really need to get back into my artsy-fartsy mindset. I used to be really good at portraits. Plus, I want to start a webcomic, mainly because I’ve been reading PhDComics waaaaaaaaaay too much as of late. But most importantly, my Flash projects! They’re needing a name to go with their crappiness.
So here were my initial thoughts:
Interrobang Productions. If you don’t know what an interrobang is, I feel very, very sorry for you (after all, it’s only the best punctuation mark ever). Unfortunately, that’s already taken.
Mahler Media. It’s FREAKING TAKEN! Damn you, [insert first name here] Mahler in Germany who decided to start making Flash animations before me!
So here was one I just recently thought of:
Irony Mark Productions (or Irony Mark Media, whichever sounds the best). An irony mark is another rarely used punctuation mark; it’s basically a horizontally-flipped question mark. I think it would be a really good name for my crap. Plus, it’s not taken, according to Google. And, if you think it sounds cooler, I could use the alternate name for it and be Snark Productions. Makes me sound arrogant. I like it.
2. Did you ever have one of those “what the hell am I doing in college” moments? Yeah. That was essentially my whole day today. It’s like an out-of-body experience, isn’t it? I was sitting in the research lab plugging numbers for my stats homework and it hit me—what the hell am I doing here?! I can’t be in college! There’s no way I know what I’m doing enough to be given a degree at some point.
Man, I don’t know. I think these 25 credits are messing with my head.
3. I was going to do the Photobucket survey, but the freaking image tags aren’t working and there’s no way I’m uploading all those pictures onto Geocities and then pasting each one by hand into here. Sorry, guys. Maybe later.
Your Blogs Suck, Mine are Better!
You know I’m kidding, of course. I seriously want to avoid alienating you people, cause if I do that, then who will come to my philosophy party?
HOLY CRAP…there are several full episodes of Chicago Hope uploaded onto MySpace! HOLY CRAP!
Life is really, really, really good. Plus, it helps that I have spaghetti and Mr. B’s Lost Shorts from MST3K in my DVD player (not spaghetti and the DVD in the DVD player, I have spaghetti in a bowl. The DVD is in the DVD player. Just thought a clarification was needed there), AND I’m planning an epic Flash.
Plus, one more album cover! I was trying for simplicity on these. And I’ve resorted to actually looking up cool-sounding names and subsequent matching/cool-looking pictures. No more randomness, sorry, I could only take it for so long!
A Blog in Its Purest Form
I broke down and downloaded the Sousa march we’re playing in concert band today. I couldn’t freaking take it anymore. I’d promised myself, “no more Sousa marches! You have like ten of them!” But NO, my weakness prevailed and I’ve added yet another Sousa march to my iTunes library.
I also broke down and did three more albums. Observe!
Yeah, I totally photoshopped (well, altered in Flash) this one, too. Put the clock hands on the moon. Also, isn’t the font that the words “Disjoint” and “Don’t Panic” are in awesome? It’s called “astigma” and it’s from fonts.com.
Actually, I think that’s the only thing I like about this design. The clock hands are kinda cool, though.
Forget Physician, Heal Thyself, I’m calling my hypothetical band Schadenfreude. This cover, if I do say so myself, owns.
Okay, I’ll admit it, I purposely sought this picture out. It does fit quite wonderfully, though, doesn’t it? And I like how I made the wording colored so closely to the sky that it makes your eyes hurt. A band called Cloudbuster would totally want that.
Also, I’ve discovered a few new songs that I will recommend for you good readers. Yes indeed, you read my blogs and are therefore subject to my preferences regarding music. Isn’t life grand?!
1: Breathe (LMC Extended Club Mix) by Erasure. Electronica at it’s finest, my friends. This now tops my “play count” on iTunes.
2: Hide & Seek (DJ Russ Harris Extended Mix) by Imogen Heap. If you’ve listened to Hide and Seek the regular version, this is even cooler in it’s own special way.
3: Dreaming of You by The Coral. This is totally different than the first two songs. For one, it’s not techno (I know, shocking!).
Okay I’m done.
My Torso has a first name, it’s “S-T-E-V-E”…wait, that’s not right…
New obsession: making album covers using that little trick I had listed on the 7th. Here are three more, ranked by how much I like them (worst to best).
3
Band: °Celcius
Album: Limits of the World
Hit Single: Wicked Cool
(I swear, I did not coordinate the band name, hit single, and picture I got. All coincidence. Pretty cool, eh?)
2
Band: Technical Atmosphere (probably the best random Wikipedia search ever)
Album: Better than a Thesis (probably the best end-of-a-quote-random search ever.
Didn’t have a hit single for this one, cause I didn’t think it would look good on the album.
Finally…
1
Band: Icarus
Album: End of the Day
Hit Single: Time to Learn
Alright. With this one, I took a little artistic license. Here is the original picture. I put the wings on myself, cause I was thinking “you know, Icarus…wings…the sun…how perfect!). Tell me if the wings look real (and did you notice how I had to bring the sky upwards as well? Betcha can hardly see the line where I matched the colors!).
I love this stuff. I recommend you try it. I’ve been lucky with good Wikipedia searches (not getting, like, “List of Olympic Javelin Champions 1888-2008” or anything weird like that). It’s fun.
Oh no, not another blog!
Came across this little doodad whilst looking at random peoples’ blogs. So I gave it a shot. If I had any inclination to make my own music at all, this is totally what I’d call myself/my band.
Instructions:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. http://www.livejournal.com/random.bml
Use the subtitle of the journal you go to. This will be your 1 hit single from the album.
5. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result.
Result (done in–what else–Flash):
Debut album: Statuary, Tapestry, and Porcelain from the group Physician, Heal Thyself, featuring the hit single “All the Right Adjectives.”
I’m not sure I like the text on the side there on the left, but I think the rest of it’s pretty snazzy.
Hooray!
Good news: first test of the semester yields an A! Air of cautious optimism assumed. However, fears of tomorrow’s statistics test not yet quenched.
Dear god, I suck at poetry. And Flash. And life.
Haha, best YouTube video description ever: “Steve… in drag… dancing to Journey and eating Oreo’s. But hey, it’s okay… we’re Catholic!!”
I’ve officially realized that I suck incredibly at Flash. The evidence for this claim is really very simple.
Total Flash endeavors that are still saved on my computer: 19
Total Flash endeavors carried out until completion: 3
Success rate: 15%.
It’s a sad, sad, world.
I’ve also officially realized that I suck at poetry. I don’t do poetry by choice much anymore (mainly because—hey—I suck), but the poetry I’ve done in the past is so horribly horrible that it’s worth a good laugh. Though I’ve been published a few times, I think this work of genius that got me in considerable trouble in 4th grade (conservative catholic school, people) is my best piece of poetry ever:
There once was a tart
Who learned how to fart
And stunk up the whole neighborhood.
Then there was a time
When he learned to rhyme
And farted as loud as he could.
He shook all the buildings, structures, and towers
He wilted the weeds, grasses, and flowers.
He made the fish die, salmon and basses
He made people faint with his powerful gasses.
Some army men died
And most their wives cried
And buried them under dead grasses.
Pretty good for fourth grade shenanigans, eh? I’m proud of this piece of poetic contraband that caused a great fuss once it got outside the fourth grade classroom.
I suck at life, too. Really. It’s because I’m so silly and enjoy using phrases such as “poetic contraband” though they don’t really make all that much sense.
Further realizations: Futurama is the best animated series ever. And Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is a great place to go for silly quotes. And general overall humor.
‘Ta!
Love and Flash
We’re on the “loving and relationships” chapter in my social psychology class and it’s sooooo depressing.
But on a lighter note, I shall give you a preview/summary/sentence of each Flash I plan on creating next week/finals week/over break. Go!
Manifest Destiny
Yeah, this is the little preview that I was working on the night before the band trip. Yeah, it’s still not finished. Give me a break! 22 credits! Plus I made that other one, you know, the other Millard Fillmore one with Zach Taylor.
The Entire History of the United States Presidencies in Seven Minutes Flat
Just what it sounds like. Set to Sousa’s “Stars and Stripes Forever.” It’s going to be epic.
The Declaration of Independence: The Movie
George Washington gets a camcorder. He tapes the day(s) of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Hilarity ensues.
The Hypothetical Date
Involving a date with Millard Fillmore. Maybe I’ll do this one in little sections and make it one of those “make your own adventure” things, what do you think of that?
Yeah. It’s going to be one (un)productive break.
Subtitle THIS!
I re-watched the Flash I made on Friday. I can’t understand a freaking thing they’re saying.
So I present to you: Fillmore Wars: Now with Subtitles!
Please tell me what you think of it, now that you know what they’re saying.
Disguising oneself as an “artist” and making Flash animations to no end
There was a country, had a prez, and Fillmore was his name-o!
M-I-L-L-A
R-D-F-I-L
L-M-O-R-E
And Fillmore was his name-o!
Millard Fillmore + Star Wars + Mario music performed on saxophone = win.
Rated PG-13 for some language and sexually suggestive content. And the phrase “butter churn”.
Please enjoy. Makes little to no sense. Another overdramatic piece of interest. Made under the influence of about 20 Jolly Ranchers.
Edit: Speakonia voices hard to understand? Ask me for the words if you’re so inclined.
Blog 498: the countdown to 500 has begun
Today I present to you a list of all my Flash works up to the present, and a list of all my quizzes up to the present. Because I have absolutely nothing else I want to say today.
Flash
Cheech and Chong’s “Dave” done with Millard Fillmore
The infamous “Aneel” animation
First old-timey/first with an actual plot…sort of
“Pilgrim”
The even more infamous “The Matt Farnsworth Experience” animation
Quizzes
What Member of ‘Team America’ are You?
Which Founding Father are You?
Lewis and Clark: Which One are You?
What Shape are You?
What Punctuation Mark are You?
What is your Temperament?
Your Color Personality
Have fun with that.
Waiter! There’s a Matt Farnsworth in my Blog!
About freaking time, too.
Yes, so it’s finally here. And on your birthday as well! And I’m shocked and surprised that MySpace is actually working so’s I can get this up on the correct date and make it even more special (even though it’s like 11:58 and you’re probably sleeping and won’t see this until tomorrow, earliest).
But anyway…
Yes, here is the long-awaited flash. And I must warn you…it will disappoint. I’m not even going to say “might,” because I know it will. It’s only three minutes long. Four if you count the credits. How sad is that? Four months, four minutes. I sincerely apologize for the sucking that this flash will do (and not sexual sucking either, which is even more disappointing, haha).
So here is my obligatory disclaimer that I put on freaking everything: this is not meant to insult. I don’t think it will—it kind of evolved from a “let’s make fun of Matt just for the heck of it” to a “let’s put Matt in crazy situations with Millard Fillmore and see what happens next” kind of thing.
So yeah.
I’m not asking for anything, just a little credit for actually finishing something that I set out to do that wasn’t school-related.
I hope you like (tolerate) it!
The Matt Farnsworth Experience
by
Claudia “Can’t Finish a Flash in Good Time if Her Life Depends on it” Mahler
Enjoy, and happy birthday!
61 Songs about Dental Floss and Other Mania-Induced Productions
Hey people, sorry about that private blog yesterday. Don’t worry, it wasn’t about anyone. It was just some crap I had to vent about myself a little. Fun continues now!
Hello my fine ladies and gentlemen! Today, I realized I wanted a fish for my dorm. A bug-eyed one. Named Bug-Eye. I already have the little weirdo picked out at Pets are People Too.
Problem = I have no pump/bubbler for a fish tank.
Actually, real problem = I have no fish tank whatsoever.
So I’m pissed.
Being pissed, I made this instead!
I dub him “Pilgrim.” It strikes me.
Yes, I know the water and rocks are shifted a bit, but what’re you gonna do? Also, don’t you love the way he turns around?
I’m a loser.
It’s craptastic.
Today I am pissed. But I have good reason to be.
We’re frantically cleaning the office right now because my mom’s friends are coming up here for a visit in about 10 days and the house is a disaster area. So basically, everything is all strewn out everywhere.
I don’t know if it was my mom or myself who did it, but some rather strong magnets got placed right next to my computer, causing quite a large chunk of data to be lost from my hard drive, including—you guessed it—Matt’s flash.
Which was—you guessed it again—about 96% finished.
So yeah. I’m not a happy camper.
But never fear! I shall remake it with an even better idea than the original (though I must say that the original was pretty smokin’ sexy). It will be wonderful
Apologies for the delay, Matt. Hopefully I’ll get this new one up and running pretty soon.
Blog number 417: in which fruit is drawn
Hello again, fine people who read these! Being bored today I decided to give another shot at drawing in Flash. So here’s a strawberry for you! Took about 15 minutes.
This blog may contain latex. If you think that could lead to something dirty, please read on
My big adventure today: I got a tablet. You know, one of those little handy-dandy doodads that attaches to your computer on which you can draw and stuff. I tried it out, just kind of experimenting with the pen, in Flash. Apparently my unconscious thoughts come through in my doodles, because I realized after awhile that these little squiggles I was drawing looked freakishly like sperm. As I was drawing them I thought, I wonder if I should post these on my blog. Then I thought, maybe I shouldn’t, as it may offend some of my more sensitive readers.
Then: do I have sensitive readers?
And: I’ve only got three or so regular readers in the first place. Well, if my crap hasn’t offended them yet, I don’t know why it would start now.
But by the time I’d made up my mind to post it up here, I’d absentmindedly deleted everything and started making random text boxes all over the page.
So I drew this instead. It’s an abacus. Duh.
Note: this was not drawn with the aforementioned tablet. This is my real drawing skill in Flash right now, not my make-a-stick-figure-dance-about-for-50-seconds animating skills. That comes later. Apologies in advance, Matt.
An Imperfect Algorithm (or, Claudia + Flash 5 + old timey music = wtf)
I swear I don’t know where this came from. I guess a recessed part of my brain was awakened by my discovery of a clip of old-timey music in the Newgrounds audio portal. I had to steal it and make my own animation. It makes no sense, it has no plot, the varying shades of gray are dull at best, but hey, it’s Saturday and I’m bored.
An improvement over the Aneel animation? Doubtful. Aneel’s infamy will live on in Flash form forever* (as soon as I get around to finishing it).
*If you would like your infamy to live on in Flash form forever, please tell me! I adore making dorky Flash animations, and I adore my friend-people. Put two and two together and what can be better?
Please note: you must provide at least one aspect of your personality and/or a part of your physical appearance and/or a hobby that I can use to make fun of you.
Please also note: I do not like being sued, so this is at your own risk.
Eigenblogger 