Tag Archives: CLAUDIA SMASH

How to Not Walk Like an Idiot: Staircase Edition

As anyone who regularly reads this blog knows (or anyone who just knows me in person), I am a firm believer in the “treat walking as you would treat driving” philosophy. In other words, treat sidewalks like two-way streets, don’t weave around like a moron, and actually pay attention to where other people are before you dart out in front of them like a confused horse wearing blinders.

But apparently I’m the only human being in this city who thinks that way.

Example: there is a C-Train station right at the edge of campus, and it’s connected to a walkway bridge that goes over the highway. In other words, in order to get from the station to campus (or vice-versa), you need to use a set of stairs.

And because this is usually a pretty busy station due to its proximity to campus, the people who designed the stairs made it so that there were actually two sets of stairs to accommodate the crowds. Picture:

Let’s represent the flow of people going from campus to the C-Train in red, and let’s represent the flow of people going from the C-train to campus in blue. Am I insane for thinking that this is the best way that people should arrange themselves?

Just…just stay to the right. That makes sense to me. Pretend you’re a car! This seems like it would flow nicely.

But do people do this? No. Here’s how people actually use these stairs.

FUCK.

Claudia’s List o’ Petty Annoyances: April Fool’s Day Edition

Here’s a fun list of things that bug the ever-loving poop out of me.
Because I’m in a BAD MOOD and HATE APRIL FOOL’S DAY more than anybody rationally should and I need to RANT.

So here goes the list.

  • April Fool’s day.
  • People with a story the length of War and Peace who decide the best medium to use to tell such a story is Twitter. Yup, 800 140-character “not at all coherent on its own and hardly even coherent when read with the other freaking tweets” segments. That’s exactly how I want to read the thrilling tale of how Starbucks permanently scarred you by misspelling your name on your cup.
  • People who take the elevator to go down one floor. I get it if you have some sort of impairment that makes walking down stairs tough, but I see this way more frequently than the likelihood of such impairments would suggest.
  • The whole “yoga pants as everyday pants” thing. I didn’t see this as much when I was in Moscow, but up here, especially at U of C, it’s a very popular style. Comfort’s great, yeah, but seriously…it makes you look like you just rolled out of bed and threw on the first thing that was on the floor by the hamper. I’m the last person to be judging others’ fashion choices, but hey, I’m going to do it.
  • This is mostly on Tumblr/online in general, but I’m irrationally annoyed by the popularity of people announcing how tired they are. “I’m 104% tired.” “I feel like I’m already tired tomorrow.” So what do you want, a medal? If you’re honestly that tired, maybe try changing your lifestyle in some way?
  • All these remakes/sequels/live-action interpretations of 80’s and 90’s TV shows and movies. Yes, Millennials are the nostalgia generation in the sense that we have a very strong connection to the media of our childhoods. But do we really have to rehash every damn thing from Beauty and the Beast to The Powerpuff Girls to (edited to add) The Dark Crystal? And what’s worse, do we really have to be so dumb as to throw enough of our money at such a blatant attempt to profit off our nostalgia to the degree that we encourage the making of more of these atrocities?
  • Sequels in general. They don’t work, they’re not worth it. 95% of the time they fail at living up to the original (exceptions in my opinion: the Toy Storys, the Iron Mans, Home Alone 2).
  • The words “doggo” and “pupper.” They just bug me.
  • The expectation of now that Nate and I are married, we’re going to start pooping out kids. “So when are you going to start a family?” Um, we already are a family, you rude bag of antiquated societal spew, thanks for asking.
  • All the pedestrian-related stuff that I’m TOO ANGRY TO EVEN MENTION BECAUSE I THINK IT WOULD GIVE ME A BRAIN ANEURYSM.

[ [ [ [rage] ] ] ]

Do you ever have those days where you just want to sucker punch the universe?

That’s me today. I am angry. Almost irrationally so. Anytime I allow myself to think about what’s happened this semester, I just get so angry.

Probably too angry, since there’s not really anything I can do about it.

But UGH. It’s a draining feeling. I’m tired of feeling angry, but I have a hard time not feeling angry, you know?

BLAH.