Why do these people even exist?
Because I’m a slacker, I didn’t go to Polya at all this week.
So I went today. I’m sitting on the aisle end of one of the rows of computers, and in the row across the aisle from me, there are these two stereotypical preppy chicks and one guy. He’s a relatively good looking guy—he doesn’t have the rippling abs thing going on, nor is he overweight—he’s just “average”, but a good kind of average. He is obviously into one of the girls, and she is obviously into him, because they’re freaking fondling each other’s tonsils with their tongues from the moment I got in there to the moment the guy got up to leave. After he leaves, the other girl (the one who wasn’t getting his tongue stuck down her throat) turns to her friend and says, “so I guess you and him are, like, really serious now?” And she goes, “Yeah…but it would be so much better if he weren’t so fat.”
…what??
What the flip-flying hell does that mean? She thinks the relationship would be better IF HE CHANGED PHYSICALLY? Who the hell does this chick think she is? I almost went over there and bitch-slapped the little whore into the next century. I HATE people like this. I HATE it when people criticize other people’s bodies. What the hell do they know about the people they are criticizing? Frick. This chick really pissed me off. If she can only “get serious” about him if he had rippling abs and a super tan, THEN SHE FREAKING SHOULD RETHINK HER STUPID RELATIONSHIP, because it’s obviously one based just a little too much on the physical. Anyway, I’m sure, if he remained her boyfriend, he’d lose weight in no time, seeing as how he’d have to run to buy her lattes from Starbucks or more trailer-trash hair highlighting crap from beauty stores or pregnancy test kits from Rite-Aid every three days. Dear GOD. Honestly, if the physical part is really bothering her, she should talk to him in private (if at all; personally I think she should get a clue that not every man comes directly from a flippin’ J. Crew magazine) and not talk to her preppy friends about him behind his back, cause if she’s gonna do that to him, that makes her scum and she doesn’t deserve the guy. She should just pull her low-rise, ugly, conformist jeans up over her butt crack, close her damn compact for once in her vain, look-driven life, and SHUT THE HELL UP.
GOD.
Okay.
Rant over.
Back to normal.
Mother Teresa called…she HATES you!
Naw, she doesn’t. The Pope does.
Anyway, why all of a sudden is everybody obsessed with penguins? Freakin’ everybody. Yes, they’re cute…yes, they’re loud…yes, they crap on everything…
But I think, in order to be obsessed with penguins, at least some people should be obsessed with, I dunno…global warming?! Because if global warming continues to accelerate, the penguins will be all gone. Think about that.
Okay, I’m done. Rant over.
“I wish my grass was so emo it would cut itself”
What the friggity flying hell is up with this?
Why do people try to out-emo each other? I’v e heard about seven different conversations regarding the awfulness of peoples’ lives over the course of the last week, and each went something like this:
“My life sucks.”
“So does mine.”
“Mine sucks so bad. My mom wouldn’t buy me Half-Life 2 so I tried to slit my wrists last night.”
“I tried to slit my wrists three times last week.”
“I tried to hang myself from my bed last Wednesday, but the rope broke, so I decided to do my math instead.”
“I tried that last month, but my mom came in the room so I pretended I was practicing knot-tying.”
“There’s no point in living, really. I hate everything. My parents suck.”
“I’m so full of hatred and anger. “
“I bet I have more hatred and anger than you do.”
“You can’t possibly have more hatred than I do.”
“I’m pretty sure I do.”
“I bet I’m more miserable than you!”
“Prove it!”
“I can slit my wrists much better than you!”
“You’re on! Your house or mine?”
“Yours. My little sis just got a Furby and I don’t think it would be nice to get blood all over it and stuff.”
“Okay. Hey, we can play D&D for a few hours before we start.”
“That sounds so boring and utterly pointless.”
“True. Why do we even bother?”
“I dunno…So 5:00?”
“Yeah.”
I’m sure your lives are just awful, what with that roof over your head and your opportunity to go to college and the fact that the cafeteria is open and available only MOST of the hours of the day instead of all of them. Just awful. No wonder you want to kill yourselves.
Gr.
Jimmy crack corn one more time and I’m referring him to a specialist
So tell me, iTunes, since when is “gift” a verb?
“Gift this movie”???
…oh wait. It can be used as a verb. Shoot. My bad.
But honestly, what’s next? Can’t you just say “GIVE this movie AS A GIFT”?? How many nouns will we convert to verbs?
“Alpaca this sweater”
“Dozen these eggs”
“Peanut this trail mix”
“Pythagorean Theorem those numbers”
“Savant that deaf kid playing the piano”
The down fall of English language is began.
Agh! Religion!
Those dang religion guys who hand out the little bible thingies were on campus today, and I successfully avoided all 14–yes, 14–of them.
Is it just me or are they…I dunno…ANNOYING?!
Okay, I’m done with that.
For some reason, these guys passing out bibles reminded me of the abstinence booth at the beginning of the school year that was only passing out items that were phallic-shaped.
Odd, yet hilarious.
And I still have their long, sensual pen.
Waiter! There’s a hippo in my Taco Grande!
Today I shall give you the top 10 reasons why pants can SUCK IT!
10. Those stupid low-rise jeans.
They suck. Who wants to see all that blubber? Not me. America’s fat. America shouldn’t be wearing those types of pants.
9. Jeans in general.
They suck. Who wants to wear thick, uncomfortable, unstretchable fabric? Not me.
8. Inseams.
What the hell is an inseam, anyway? Who the crap came up with that? Probably some pervert who wanted to run a tape measure up a grown man’s leg. “Pardon me, sir, I’m just getting your inseam measurement” *fondle fondle*.
7. The “petite” label.
Friggin’ hate this. Especially since they’re too long for me in the end anyway. I’m boycotting. Plus I’m not “petite”. I’m manly. They should have a “manly” pants label.
6. “Dress pants.”
Another stupid term. When I was younger (5) I used to hear this term and think, “hooray! I get to wear a dress!” Then they sprung pants on me. I was emotionally crushed on multiple occasions. Do not confuse the young and ignorant. Do not use the term “dress pants”.
5. Too many lack Velcro up the sides.
Ever seen “The Full Monty”? Wasn’t that cool when they just ripped those pants off? Holy crap, I want to watch that movie. Best British film ever. Where was I? Oh yeah. Stay out of my underwear drawer.
4. The pockets, the pockets!
What’s up with this? Who uses their pants as a storage unit?? I love how these people walk around with virtual U-Haul storage space on their legs. “You need some candy? Check the knee pocket. Breath mints? Check the left butt. Stop touching my crotch, pervert! Oh, you were just reaching for the remote control. My mistake.”
3. “Juicy.”
WTF. If I never see this one again, I shall die a happy…whatever I am. I hate how people (girls specifically, but it’s more disturbing when guys do it) wear pants with words scrawled across the butt. “Juicy”. “Omega Phi”. “Open Here”. It’s pointless. You want us to ogle your butt? Take your pants off. It’s easier and probably less expensive.
2. They’re confining.
Everyone has dealt with confining pants, and I don’t just mean if they’re a size or two too small. Pants are like mittens (and not in the sense that you’re supposed to have your hands in them). Mittens are confining to your fingers and don’t allow you to grip things properly (get your minds out of the gutter, people!). It’s like two thumbholes. Very uncool. Plus, it’s tough to truly show off your butt in pants, unless you’re wearing a case of #3 above.
1. They make noise.
Ever notice this? You’re walking down a quiet hallway or street and you hear this “swish, swish, swish” (or in the case of those stupid “loud” pants, “SCRIICK! SCRIICK! SCRIICK!”). No matter what fabric the pants are made of, they do this. Drives me crazy.
There. The top 10 reasons why pants can SUCK IT! I apologize for this blog. Chips Ahoy are no longer allowed.
Hey!
Watch your back, you egomaniacal hobo.
You know who I’m talking to.
If you don’t, then it’s not you. So don’t freak out.
Like, OMG!!!!!!!!!111
It amuses me how many people have cell phones–and use them 20 hours per day.
It amuses me how many people wear the same style of clothes.
It amuses me how many people have the same hairstyle and hair coloring and highlights.
It amuses me how many people seem to enjoy letting others see their buttcracks.
It amuses me how many “likes” people seem to get into their conversations.
Oh wait…these things don’t amuse me at all.
Pissy.
Incompetent people suck.
I’m so pissed off about this whole situation I went through today. Let me lay it out for you:
I’m Teacher’s Aide for Mr. Kaag during 2nd hour. He asks me to go copy some tests, so I go up to the copy room to do it. In front of me in line are the two most incompetent girls I’ve seen in…well, a couple minutes, considering I was at high school. Anyway, they’re these two ditzy, scantily-clothed, room-temperature I.Q. chicks are laughing obnoxiously while they’re trying to figure out how to make copies. I mean really, people, how hard is it? You put the paper you want to copy on the tray. You press in (at most) 3 specifications. You press “start”. Simple, right? Not simple enough for these Neanderthal-like girls, who somehow manage to jam the machine at least 10 times–each time bending over to allow me a clear (and very unpleasant) view of their butt-cracks. Of course, I tried to help them, but gave up after about the 5th paper jam and spent the rest of the time waiting for them entertaining myself by banging my head repeatedly on the desk.
I can just see these two chicks IM-ing their friends later that night:
hotgurl39: OMG i like tottaly jamed the copymachine at shcool today!!!!hottieluv: dude u shouldve like gotten help form 1 of those geeky ppl
hotgur39: being a TA is hard!!!!! :P im going to like mary a smrt guy
hottieluv: hed be like bill gates and be rich and he could by u teh car you always wanted. hey are u goin to teh mall today with me and ali
hotgurl39: duh! i need new shoes!!!!! lol
Finally (after about an hour) they half-ass their way through enough copies to allow themselves to go back to their class, leaving me with the message, “I bet it won’t work for you, either!”
I flawlessly copied 40 13-page tests without jamming the copier.
ARRRRGH!!!! I hate incompetent people. When I become President of the United States, I’m going to be sure to fire promptly anyone who shows even the slightest bit of incompetence.
Pissed off.
Eigenblogger 