Why? Because I produce nothing but quality blog content, that’s why.
Disclaimer: there are like 600 different pasta shapes, so I’m going to limit this to pasta shapes that I am relatively familiar with and/or have seen in the wild to avoid this blog dragging on for ever and ever only to contain obscure pastas that no one’s ever heard of. Like, “bigoli” sounds like a fake Italian word that someone came up with when pretending to be Italian and is thus hilarious, but I’ve never seen it on a shelf, so it’s not gonna be on this list.
[Edit: this list is a lot shorter than I thought it’d be, haha. I GUESS I AM NOT THE PASTA CONNOISSEUR I THOUGHT I WAS MY LIFE IS A LIE]
Confession: I have never actually had pappardelle noodles, but this is the tastiest looking pasta in the universe.
Seriously, look at it.
Penne is my bro, but only if it’s got the ridges. The smooth ones look like weird sharp penises and that’s not super appetizing.
The good old standard. But I’m super picky about what spaghetti is the best. Some brands make it too thin, and I don’t like thin pasta. Winco’s brand is actually the best.
I used to make ravioli (“make” as in boil pre-made stuff I got at the store) at like 1 AM after I got back from work when I worked the closing shift at Wendy’s. It had like twenty cheeses in it. Fantastic.
How to make the Food of the Gods™:
- Cook rotini until it’s almost mush (al dante pasta can go suck it)
- Cover cooked rotini with copious amounts of shredded Colby Jack cheese
Not quite as good as spaghetti, but a nice flat, not-too-skinny pasta that will sub for spaghetti if necessary.
Little shells! Super cute. I actually don’t think I’ve had this type of pasta since I was a kid, but I remember really liking the texture of it. I liked cupping the shell around the tip of my tongue.
GIANT SHELLS! Never had them, but they look cool.
Fettuccine works if you’ve got the right set of “other” ingredients, but I don’t know if it would always work. If that makes sense.
This is low on the list because who in the hell eats lasagna noodles outside of actual lasagna? I feel like they’d be super weird. …Now I want to try it.
Another pasta that I’m pretty sure I’ve never had. They look like ravioli with a little too much pasta bit and not enough filling. They also look hard, and pasta should be mush.
Fat tubes? Yay! Can hold much cheese.
Li’l bow ties! Cute, but I’ve never had them. I suspect a weird texture.
Li’l wheels! See above.
The fact that alphabet pasta has an “Italianized” name is freaking adorable. I like it.
Too skinny. Weird texture. 0/10 would not nom again.
Kinda like tortellini, I’ve never had gnocchi. They look hard. And isn’t gnocchi usually made from potato? IMPOSTER PASTA! IMPASTA!
Is it rice? Are they larvae? Is it a mix of the two? Risotto’s evil twin.
…This was an exercise in “how can I waste my time this evening?”