Font Face
I don’t feel like this happened.
*checks word*
Nope, still freaking Calibri. But let’s compare, shall we?
Calibri on top, Aptos on bottom.
I don’t like the way the lowercase “L” looks in the Aptos font and I don’t like the shorter ascenders/descenders in Aptos, but I do appreciate that Aptos keeps the double-storey font type consistent when you make the text italicized. That was something that really bugged me with Calibri.
Also, I like that Aptos is…blockier? I don’t know if that’s the right way to describe it, but it’s a bit more “in your face,” which I like.
So eh.
ZZ Bottom
Ever wonder what font you’d be?
I think I’m one of these:
I’m pretty sure I’ve got serifs. But MT Bold is very much me.
10 Favorite Fonts
Just as the title says! 10th favorite to favorite favorite.
10. Arial Rounded MT Bold
Surprisingly, I’m starting this list off with a sans serif font (the horror!). I’ve always liked Arial Rounded the best out of the 15 or so Arial variants. If Arial Rounded was human, I think it’d be a sexy curvy lady for some reason.
9. Kozuka Gothic Pro B
This is like the simplest font ever. No serifs, no freaky f’s or y’s or g’s, no strange flourishes on any lower- or upper-case letters. And that’s why I like it.
8. Poor Richard
This font makes me want to write. It also reminds me of Ben Franklin, because Poor Richard = Poor Richard’s Almanac automatically in my mind. And we all know Franklin was awesome (and a pimp).
7. Cooper Black
I like Cooper Black because of how bold and heavy it is. I used to use it all the time as my MSN Messenger font…back when I actually conversed with people on a semi-regular basis. It’s also just a good “HEY LOOK AT ME I’M TEXT!” font.
6. Courier New
Courier New used to bother me because it had such “wide” lettering (aka a monospaced font), but now it reminds me of R. Since I’m so into stats and data nowadays, I really like how useful monospaced fonts are when it comes to creating datasheets and keeping things straight.
5. CitonLightDB
This is like a skinny Eurostile font. It’s better for when you want that snazzy Eurostile look but need thinner letters. It’s very “blocky” when you look at a paragraph of text, which I really like the look of.
4. Eurostile
The highest-ranking sans serif, Eurostile appeals to me because it’s got a kind of modern look without being unreadable. I like how “big” the letters seem, even at a small point.
3. Modern No. 20
I like this font because (at least compared to the rest of the fonts on this list) it’s fancy, but not too fancy that it’s difficult to read. I like simple, readable fonts over calligraphy/handwritten style fonts any day, so I like that this font is readable and simple but adds something a little extra. Plus, I really like the way numbers look in this font.
2. Georgia
Georgia has nice round, fat, readable letters. It’s like Times New Roman took a weightlifting class. I used this a lot for my MSN Messenger font, too.
1. Times New Roman
I’m a purist. I love Times New Roman. I think this is the cleanest, crispest, most readable font that has practical use. And SERIFS! Serifs rule. TNR is also a very “traditional” font due to its prominent placement in Word (at least until that obnoxious rebel force Calibri decided to grab the spotlight), and I tend to cling to the familiar.
Scumbag Calibri
So I’ve figured out why Calibri is pretty much my least favorite font ever!
I was typing a draft of an email at work the other day. On the computers there, Microsoft Word’s settings haven’t been changed from their defaults; as such, things are automatically typed up in Calibri.
Gross, I know.
Anyway. Typing a draft of an email. I highlighted a phrase to italicize it and noticed something interesting:
Notice anything? I mean, aside from the italic-ness. Look again:
Mr. High and Mighty Calibri thinks it’s okay to change the lowercase g and lowercase a from double-story to single-story (actual terms) when italicizing.
Oh silly little arrogant fartface font. I knew there was a reason I didn’t like you, apart from your attempted overthrow of the Times New Roman dynasty upon the arrival of Word 2007 and all its tab-happy obnoxiousness.
Screw you! Times New Roman forever!
All Quiet on the Western Font
Sigh.
You know what’s a big deal to me? Fonts.
Has anyone reading this ever seen the old Disney Silly Symphony cartoon called Music Land?
If you don’t have 9 minutes to watch: the story’s about two warring lands in the world of music: the Isle of Jazz, populated by anthropomorphic jazz instruments such as saxophones, trumpets, and guitars, and the Land of Symphony, populated by anthropomorphic—you guessed it—symphonic instruments such as violins, violas, cellos, etc. The princess of Symphony, a young violin, falls in love with the prince of Jazz, a little saxophone. They’re caught canoodling in Symphony, the prince is thrown into jail, and the two lands go to war over the whole thing. The prince escapes and the two lovers row out into the Sea of Discord (haha) separating the two lands and almost drown, causing the parents (Queen of Symphony and King of Jazz) to row out to rescue them. In the end, the queen and king fall in love and the two lands reconcile, creating a Bridge of Harmony across the Sea of Discord (d’awwwww). Seriously, watch the cartoon if you’ve got time, it’s pretty awesome.
Wow, tangent.
Anyway, to bring that back around, that’s kind of the relationship I see when I think of fonts. There’s like a Serif Land and a Sans Serif Land, with Times New Roman and Arial the two respective leaders. They absolutely hate each other and the serif fonts stay well out of the way of the sans serifs. And there’s like this half-breed group of wild semi-serifs that roam outside the boundaries of either land and eat the fonts that stray out of the protection of their respective areas.*
I’ll say it again: fonts are a big deal to me.
Anyway. The main reason I keep redoing my heading for this blog is because I have yet to identify a font as my particular signature font. Times New Roman is certainly my favorite font (serifs > sans serifs, I don’t care what anyone else says), but it’s not MY font. At least not for this blog. I keep jumping around with a few fonts (right now I’m using Metro, which is pretty great but isn’t just right), but every time I check for more to download I either download like 90 different ones and thus consequently have to delete yet another program from Vaio (hard drive = 99.9% full or something like that) while still not getting the right font or I get distracted reading about typography on Wiki.
So yeah, I know it doesn’t matter to anyone else and it’s probably just more annoying than anything else, but just to explain why that little header above keeps changing like every month/week/hour: I am searching for the right font. I know someday it will come.
The end.
Oh, also this, which I’ve posted before but am posting again because it’s hilarious and relevant.
*Do you see what goes on in my head? DO YOU? This is why I can’t take myself seriously.
Fonts are fun
I think my favorite is “Comic Sans is illegal.” Or “Helvetica was an unimaginative choice.”
Oh, Comic Sans…
Hahaha, wow, I thought I was anal about fonts. In truth, I kinda started to feel sorry for Comic Sans once I began typing it into Google and found, within the first few lines of suggestions, these:
“Comic Sans should die”
“Comic Sans is not a font”
And:
“The Combs’ site also reported the Ontario New Democratic Party included the clause ‘Ban the font known as Comic Sans’ in its recent omnibus ban bill, proposed at the 2005 session of Ontario Model Parliament in Canada. However, the message was signed under ‘NDP Against Comic Sans’, leading to doubts of the validity of the claim. Further investigation revealed it was from a youth model parliament.”
Apparently people feel that it is overused (not going to argue there) and that it should be taken off computers.
Also, this: http://bancomicsans.com/home.html
The funny thing about this site is the fact that their bumper stickers, reading “Ban Comic Sans,” are written in Comic Sans. Doesn’t that completely go against their goal?
What’s even funnier is the fact that I can’t tell if this is a joke site or not. People are just crazy enough to try and ban a font.
Fun with Fonts II
Haha, hello again! Since I got to campus early (like at 9:30) this morning, I was bored out of my MIND. So I went to the computer lab and came up with a few more font reviews. Then, when I came home, I realized that I had none of these fonts on my own computer; thus none of them showed up. So to keep things simple, these will all be in Times New Roman standard format. If you’re really that desperate to see what they look like, I suggest going to the Ag Sci computer lab, because it was on those computers that these were found. Annnnnnnnd, go!
DotumChe
This amuses me just because of the name: DotumChe. It sounds like the sound you make after a joke, you know? “Two tom-toms and a cymbal fell off a cliff. DotumChe!” Also, when you try to spell-check it, the first suggestion that comes up is “douche.”
Font
Ah, the font perfect for people who name their dog “Dog” and their cat “Cat” and their kid “Kid” and read “Magazine” and “Newspaper” daily. This is like the American dream of fonts, only it’s not called that. It’s called “Font.”
This font sponsored by “Sponsor.”
Informal Roman
Unfortunately for all of us, there is no archeological evidence supporting the Romans’ use of computers (let alone fonts), but several stubborn “historians” have continually voiced the idea and have constructed what they dub Informal Roman, a font similar to what had existed in Rome before the Romans began putting their computers next to their particle accelerators and having their hard drives erased by the powerful electromagnets (and thus abandoning the idea of computers all together). According to these historians, this font was of particular use in the typing of plans for arches and aqueducts in Microsoft Verbum documents. When creating final formal reports, Romans used Formal Roman, the equivalent of today’s Wingdings.
SuperFrench (yes, there’s a font called “SuperFrench”)
You have the right to become a SuperFrench. Anytime you choose to become a SuperFrench can and will be a time when you are allowed to utter the phrases “oui oui!” and “sacre bleu!” and “le croissant is too hard for my delicate teeth, you infernal pastry monkey!” both inside and outside French boarders. You have the right to speak French and to have a French person present during any SuperFrench adventures in any cafés you come across. If you cannot afford a French costume, cheese will be provided for you.
Blackladder ITC
This is the type of font used back in Elizabethan times by those jokesters that went around pasting “kick thee” signs on their friends’ backs and by tattoo artists who complied with the requests of drunken frat boys who wanted “I say, I do believe that Elizabeth I is quite a looker, pipeth-pipeth!” tattooed on their chests.
Niagra Solid
Because we need more fonts that rhyme with “Viagra.”
Looking for the best font for you? I got the answer right here for the low low price of $19.99!
Due to several (two) conversations with several (two) people, I have decided to take several (twelve) fonts and analyze the personalities of the people who might use them!
Be aware: some of the fonts are a little hard to read. If you can’t read them, I would advise you to copy and paste them into Word and transform them into a font you can more easily read.
Also be aware: I am a dork.
Here we go!
Bauhaus 93
After much deliberation, Maggie and I decided that this was the font of Millard Fillmore (but only if it were colored fuchsia). Why?
Because it reminded us of sex. The only problem with this font is the ‘s’, but that will not be a problem unless “Millard Fillmore had promiscuous sex in Mississippi (and now has syphilis).”
No one can use this except Millard Fillmore (and his spawn).
Chiller
Ah, the good o’l serial killer font. If you use this you may very well feel the need to dress up as a clown and kill people in their bathtubs.
Curlz MT
Like, OMG! This totally reminds me of, like, those girls who are always like talking and stuff? And, you know, they like aren’t very smart? And they’re like everywhere? I totally think they’d, like, use this font!!!!!!11
Eras Light ITC
Ah, the font God uses. So perfect in its lettering and so heavenly, no mortal can use it.
Possible side-effects of this font include incredible healing powers, the ability to walk on water, the ability to rise from the dead after a short period of time, and a strong affiliation with one’s Father.
And God said, “Let there be Eras Light!”
Juice ITC
This font is probably the most inappropriately named font there is. I would never call this font “Juice,” and I’m sure that any other non-blind person would have to agree. It’s more “Stick Up My Ass ITC” than anything.
This person will appear to be a fun-loving individual, but the moment something goes wrong or a task to be completed is assigned, he’ll crush you beneath his foot and never crack a smile again. The best example of personality change in this person would be if Bill Cosby suddenly, in a nanosecond, became Hitler.
“Juice.”
Please.
OCR A Extended
Gay marriage is wrong. Abortion is wrong. George W. Bush is a great president.
Sorry…
Republican font.
Avoid at all costs.
Perpetua Tilting MT Bold
This font compels one to use black and to speak in complete sentences. One feels they must use correct capitalization, though It does not matter when typing in this font. They may feel the urge to go to Wall Street.
Playbill
This person will enjoy calling you “pardner” even if you’re their mortal enemy. They are most likely very bow-legged and are a bit too close to their horse. They will see something—–say, a pie–—and claim it is not big enough for the both of you.
On the bright side, they are very good with ropes.
Rockwell Extra Bold
Hell yeah! This guy’s a man! He eats steak! He doesn’t wear a shirt! He likes to crush cans against his forehead! He likes using the phrases “dude!” and “touchdown!” and “get me a beer, woman!”. This guy has way too much testosterone for his own good. He enjoys nachos, barbeques, and barbequed nachos.
Oh, and sex.
Showcard Gothic
This is the type of person who is on the edge of using the “chiller” font. They probably press so hard when writing that they make impressions in the table/desk/steel plate beneath the paper. They’re the 34-year-olds who have worked at burger king their entire lives and are damn bitter about it.
When you are around this person, try not to use any phrase with the word “Whopper” in it.
Viner Hand ITC
This font shows the progress of the serial killer after they’ve been in prison for several decades and have been released back into society. Note the subtle hits of “Chiller” still breaking through the “nicer” lettering.
Watch the hell out for the person who uses this font.
Wide Latin
Does this font make my words look fat?
Only people who weigh upwards of 300 pounds should use this, unless one wants to convey a physical appearance of inescapable fat rolls. I honestly can’t see this font leading to a positive result on a dating site:
Sexybabe69: Hay there sexi ;) !!!
Joe100: Hello
Joe100: hold on]
Joe100: font chnge
Sexybabe69: hurry back k
Joe100: alright im back
Joe100: sexybabe
[sexybabe69 logged off]
Joe100: ello
Joe100: dam
See what I mean? Fonts can mess with people. I urge you to take this list to heart, no matter how crappily thrown together it is.
Special thanks to: Aneel (Thursday’s victim) and Maggie (Friday’s victim).
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