Evidence supporting my decision to cease majoring in theatre
Oh, man…this…wow. So I’m sitting here alone today and I decide to dig through all these old tapes of home movies and the like. I find this one labeled “Bomb Shelter Play” which was undoubtedly the one that held on it my having fun in our bomb shelter a few years ago by putting on a play. So I stick it in the VCR, ready to see how bad my acting skills were. Instead, I get an old magic show that my friend and I did back in…hm…it looks like it was from 4th grade or so.
Lemme tell you something—I was having about as much fun as the variola virus in the New World watching this thing. I honestly don’t know how he put up with my evil dictator-like style.
I know none of you care, but I’m going to post this anyway. It’s some of the random crap we did. I don’t know if it was scripted or not (I honestly don’t remember doing this specific magic show; we did about 5 separate ones), but if it wasn’t…damn, that’s even funnier.
Here are several of the names/catchphrases we gave it:
-G.E.’s Magic Show: Things You Can See With Your Own Eyes
-G.E.’s Magic Show: Things You Can See With Your Eyes, But Not With Anything Else (wtf?)
-G.E.’s Magic Show: Things You Can See With Your Eyes…And Things…That You Can’t
-G.E’s Magic Show: Things You Can See…And Things You Can’t
And then there was this whole thing we did when we didn’t know the camera was on (this is me being a jerk):
G.E.: Oh, I got a better idea!
Me: I need a knife.
G.E.: I gotta better idea!
Me: A kitchen knife
G.E.: I got a good idea! I got a good idea!
Me: Hold on! (I leave for a minute or so, and come back in) I got a fork!
G.E.: I got a good idea.
Me: No wait…let’s do this. (I ramble on about my idea)
G.E: But I gotta better idea.
Me: (I ramble a little more)
G.E.: But I’ve still got a better idea.
Me: Oh come on! Let’s just do that—
G.E.: But I’ve got a better idea!
Me: Let’s do that, just come on!
G.E.: I got a good idea, I got a good idea, I got a good idea, I got a good idea, I got a good idea—
Me: Please, please, please, we did your book—
G.E.: I got a good idea!
Me: We did your book thing last.
G.E.: Yeah but we did the we did the….that uh…
Me: That catch thing.
G.E.: Yeah—
Me: And then we did that other thing which was your idea and the first thing which was my idea so we have to do my idea now and then we can do that.
G.E.: And then we can—
Me: And then we can do our homework! Come on! It’s perfect!
G.E.: It’s practically the same—
Me: No, no, come on please just this—
G.E.: I’ll do, I’ll do like “we can do some of that beautiful commercial music!” and then, um, I’ll turn on that music and then you’ll go “SHUT UP!” and you’ll like yaaaaaaaaaa and then you’ll throw the fork and it’ll go twannnnnnnng!
Me: How we gonna do that?
G.E.: I dunno.
Me: You’ll be over here…
G.E.: Oh, I’ve got a good idea!
Etc., etc. I think we didn’t do either of our original ideas.
Here, we attempt a potion sketch.
G.E.: It’s like “oh man, that smells too bad!”
Me: And then I breathe it in and I’m like “awwwww” and then I fart!
G.E.: Yeah!
Me: Phbbbbbbbbt! Um…let’s take a commercial break!
G.E.: I’ll go “phbbbbbbbt!”
Man, I can’t tell if we scripted this or not.
Me: Well finally, get on stage!
G.E.: Uh, here’s the—
Me: This is your magic show, remember?
G.E.: Here’s the trouble!
Me: Oh! Kay!
G.E: Now back to G.E’s Magic Show. Now…
Me: Here’s your script! Read it and…that’s my personal underwear! Let go of it! You’re Stupid!
-“Oh yesterday on the day of 1893 I saw this boy…and he loved me so much!” (G.E. reading from the “script”)
-“Oh black darkness is aware of you!” (Me covering the camera lens)
-“Dear diary: today, our magician took the longest time to get here! He has no point of contact with anything in the real world. Thank you diary for listening to me.” (Me)
-“Look! At! Yourself! You need…a MAKEOVER!” (Me)
Ah, the minds of fourth-graders. Are there any greater things in the world?
I can see where my classmates from elementary school got the material for my ridicule, though, that’s for sure.
Remembering…
…old cartoons.
I was watching Boomerang tonight and Two Stupid Dogs came on.
Did anyone else watch that when they were younger? The one with Noah’s Ark was on and I found it rather disturbing that I remembered most of the lines.
Who watched Eek? I loved Eek!
And Talespin. Best. Freaking. Cartoon. Ever.
I miss cartoons.
Another first grade story! This one has a plot!
Holy crap…I’m posting a blog at 7:29 AM. Odd I am.
Okay. Anyway, I was at home digging through the remainder of my crap in the closet and I came across another journal from 1st grade. This one has a plot, characters, and an actual ending (which most of my stories don’t, still today). Onward!
We’re the three little cats! We all live on the same street. Our names are Fatty, Ratty, and Big. Next door to Big lives a big bad dog named Dedo. Dedo is never outside. He’s usually inside. Today he went to the store. He bought some cat food and a blue coat. He put the coat on and then put the cat food in a big sack. He then went to Fatty’s house. Fatty is not very smart. He was inside reading the newspaper.
Dedo knocked on the door and yelled, “Mr. Fat, Mr. Fat, are you home?”
Fatty opened the door. “Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m your grandma,” said Dedo.
“Grandma!” Fatty cried. “Come in!” Just as Fatty was closing the door, Big came out.
“I wouldn’t let that thing in,” he said.
“Don’t be silly,” said Fatty. “She’s my grandma!” He shut the door.
Five minutes later, Dedo came out with less cat food, and Fatty’s house was destroyed. Big went to Fatty’s house. No Fatty.
Big went home.
Dedo went to the store. He bought a coat and a hat. He put them on.
Then he went to Ratty’s house and yelled, “Mr. Rat, Mr. Rat, are you home?” Ratty was a little smarter than Fatty, but not by much. He was inside, eating lunch. He got up and went to the door.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m your grandpa,” Dedo replied.
“Grandpa!” Ratty cried. “Come in!”
Just as he was closing the door, Big said, “I wouldn’t let that thing in.”
“Don’t be silly,” said Ratty. “He’s my grandpa!” He shut the door.
Five minutes later, Dedo came out with even less cat food in the bag. Ratty’s house was destroyed. Big ran out. He looked through the broken wood. No Ratty.
Big went home.
Dedo went to the store again and bought overalls and sneakers. He walked to Big’s house, but Big already had a plan. Big has a friend named Little. Little came over to help with the plan. While Little held the scissors, Big put a chair in the middle of the room with a napkin in the seat. When Dedo came, Big let down the part of a box with “happy birthday” on it. Big came out.
“Happy Birthday!” he yelled. “Since it’s your birthday, you get a haircut.”
“But I don’t need a haircut,” said Dedo.
“Yes, you do.” Replied Big. Little pushed Dedo inside. Big made him sit in the chair and put the napkin over his eyes. “Cut!” Yelled Big to Little. Little started cutting off Dedo’s fluff. When Little finished, he took off the blindfold.
“My fluff!” cried Dedo. “What happened?”
“Well…” said Little, holding a bottle of Rogaine.
“That!!” shouted Dedo.
“What?” asked Little.
“That bottle of Rogaine! Give it to me!”
“Oh!” said Big “That. I’ll give it to you if you cough up Fatty and Ratty.”
“Okay,” said Dedo. Bbllaaauuugghhh! “There. Now will you give me that bottle?”
“Well, okay, if you go home and never bother us again,” said Big. “Okay?”
“Well, okay.” Said Dedo. “Here!”
“Thank you!” said Dedo.
“Now, git!” yelled Big. They never heard of Dedo again.
Despite the fact that it completely rips off “The Three Little Pigs” (which is a minor insignificance in my book), I kind of think it’s cool. Especially that Rogaine part. Bet you never saw that coming.
*cough*Pulitzer Prize*cough*
Excerpts from my 1st grade journal
While cleaning out all my old crap from my closet, I came across one of my journals from 1st grade. I couldn’t spell, I couldn’t capitalize, and my sentence structure could’ve used some work, but here they are: excerpts from my 1st grade journal!
October 14, 1994
I Am Going To Stop Racking. Insad I Am Going To Tap MY Tose. I Made A Papr Prson Today.
October 15, 1994
Six is my aig. I like six. It’s my aig. I am going on sivin. It’s not esse. Being six. I wod like sivin battr thin six. Six six six. Ow, I hat six. By Claudia
2/15/95
Win I grow up me and Mitchell are going to Mexco. and rade a horse To The Aar port.
(This next one is part of a story that went on for about 4 journals. We made up this game called “coos”. This story is about them.)
Chapder 6 2/1/95
My BrthDay Cam. Kelsy Gave Me A [stamp of pig] And A [stamp of stereo] Lara Gave MEe A [stamp of cat] And a [stamp of cow] Thank You I Sede And I Put The Anamuls in The Barn. That Naght One Of The Anamls Got Loos. a Anamle Got Loos I Sede And iT is The Cow Sed GE. We Chast The Cow All Arannd The Feld Thar Was a Pond Clos By Mitchell Fell in. Halp He Sede I Halpeld. I Saved Mitchel And took him In. it TooK About 6 Hurs For him to Reeckuver.
Wasn’t I articulate? I think so.
“Whe”n “I dis”cover”ed” quo”tatio”n” “mar”ks, m”y “entries” “look”ed” “lik”e “thi”s!”
Wondering…
Does anyone else ever wonder whether or not they’ve changed extremely since the beginning of school (preschool, kindergarten)? I have thought of these things for quite a few years now, and I’ve always wondered. Of course, none of you have known me for that long, and I don’t have contact with anyone who has.
So I asked my mom. She said that I used to be more social (I don’t remember this) and that I used to have more self-confidence (I don’t remember this, either.
I think that I have much more self-confidence then people think…I just feel that if I’m not the best person in the world in something, then I’m just not worth too much. Always strive for the best, right?
Well, the good thing was that my mom didn’t think that I’ve conformed to fit society’s “norms” and that peer pressure hasn’t really gotten to me.
Just a bunch of reminiscing about things past. Hm…
Do you guys wonder about this stuff?
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