The Blogarithm™
Is there an equation for finding how much insanity one’s blogs can bring?
Why yes…I present to you…the Blogarithm–!*
blogb(x) = y which is equivalent to x = by
where b = blog number, x = insanity level, and y = number of readers (subscribers)
Example:
blog55(x) = 3 à x = 553 à insanity level = 166,375, which is a rather moderate level of insanity. As you can see, the more subscribers a blog has combined with the greater the number of blogs can lead to much more insanity.
For my blog:
Blog(466)(x) = 6
X = (466)6
Insanity level = 1.02403665 × 1016
Voila! Try it on yours!
*Yes, I’m aware that there’s a site named The Blogarithm, but I thought of this independently. I Googled this one afterwards.
Waiter! There’s an abominable snowman in my snow cone!
You know what I need? A new self-summery for this here MySpace. The problem is, I’m not quite sure how to go about it this time. My first one was really lame. The one I have now is pretty lame, too.
I know who I am. I know my little quirks, and I know how I see myself.
The question of the day is, how do others see me?
First hints: the ol’ Nohari and Johari windows I linked you all to months ago.
Top Johari: Intelligent, witty, and complex
Top Nohari: Vulgar (100%, baby!), chaotic, and overdramatic
Me? Overdramatic? NEVER! *faints for dramatic effect*
Okay, now that that’s done…I have a favor for my readers. Please tell me how you see me. What were your first impressions? What do I strike you as (both good and bad, please)? I know I’ll get at most, like, two replies for this, but hey, it’s worth a shot.
Enlighten me on myself.
400 blogs!
Hey people, guess what?
Today’s my 400th blog post.
Commence with the celebrating.
Oh, and here’s another blog train. Now it’s got cars!
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Teehee.
No, Mark Twain, I don’t want to see “Huckleberry Finn,” now put your pants back on!
Oh dear. Having another day off, I was bored yet again. So I looked through all my blogs and added up all the blogs that consisted of/contained lists, rankings, and numbered points. There were 92 of them.
You know what that means? That means that nearly a full quarter of my blogs are lists.
How. Freaking. Sad. Is. That.
And. I. Cannot. Stop. Typing. In. One. Word. Sentences.
In other news, I also did the blog categories! Top 5 (omg another ranking lol!)
Here:
1. Blogging: 116
2. School, College, Greek: 65
3. Quiz/Survey: 32
4. Friends: 30
5. Life: 25
I need to get out more.
This is all I’ve got, people. Seriously.
Claudia Sweeps the Eastern Seaboard (and parts of Europe!)
I have a map on my page that marks the locations of all the people who look at my profile. Take a look at said map at the bottom of my page, will you? I mean, not right now, cause right now you’re reading my blog, but later. You’ll notice this little trend: a butt-load on the west coast, mainly centered around Moscow (duh), nothing until a neat little line that appears to travel up the Mississippi River region, tons of dots on the east coast, and about four in Europe. Then there’s one in Africa and one in Australia.
What interests me most is the patterns. Everything (save that one up in northern Canada; probably some lonely guy looking desperately for internet action) has kind of a pattern to it. It’s weird. And how did some dude in Australia find my profile? “G’day, MySpace, let’s see what crazy people we can find. Crikey! Someone from Moscow, Idaho!”
Man, I don’t know. I’m speculating about people who look at my profile. Can you tell I’m bored?
I need a hobby. I mean, besides blogging and dorking around and randomly putting on latex gloves and shouting “I am a doctor! I save lives, dammit!”
“Segue” is a funny word
I’m bored today. I should be studying. I am not studying. Instead I am blogging. Blogging away, away I am blogging.
I looked over all my past blogs (cause they’re all copied into a 200-page Microsoft Word document) and decided to see how often I used certain words/phrases. Here are the top runners (besides those fun words like “the” and “and” and “a”):
Millard Fillmore: 77
Band: 76
Butt: 60
Pants: 53
Holy Crap: 36
Woo: 35
WTF: 22
Taco: 17
Belgium: 0
Analyze that, eh?
Top 20 blogs
Why hello again! In keeping with my little set up, today I will give you all a list of my top 20 blogs.
Rules in place:
1. They must be funny.
2. They must be something I wrote, not just copied and pasted on a day I was lazy.
3. Yeah, that’s about it.
So here are my top 20 blogs:
1. The Second Continental Chatroom
I was on it when I came up with this. What the birth of the Declaration of Independence would have been like if the Founding Fathers would have had access to the internet and chatrooms.
2. If You’re Ever Going to Worry about My Mental State, I Think Now Would Be the Time to Start!
“Seuss on the Loose.” Best poem ever. Apologies to Dr. Seuss and to all insulted within the poem.
Warning: dirty
3. Looking for the Best Font for You? I Got the Answer Right Here for the Low, Low Price of $19.99!
I analyze the personalities of people based on the fonts they use (I think I analyze seven, but I’m too lazy to count). Note: some of the fonts won’t show up on your computer; use your imagination!
4. Waiter! There’s a Hippo in my Taco Grande!
Ah, the infamous rant against pants. I was bored that night. And insane.
5. Waiter! There’s a Quadriplegic in my Jazzercise Class!
A bunch of random letters addressed to a bunch of random people. Includes a personal letter to Jack London!
6. Do Me Like a Crossword Puzzle!
I discuss my hypothermia in a very strange manner. Hilarity ensues. Poor Watson.
7. What’s in a Name? A Whole Lotta Crap in 2006, Apparently…
I rant on the top ten boy’s names of 2006, despite the fact that all but the first one are perfectly fine names. Haha. Poor “Noah.”
8. E’raina Gets It!
Man, I don’t know what I was on when I wrote this bad boy. But it’s amusing, in a twisted, stupid, dorky sort of way.
9. I Like my Weather Hot and my Women Seasonably Warm
Witty observations about my day.
Warning: not very witty.
10. The Ranking of the Presidents
Why do I rank everything? Seriously. Like 50% of my blogs involve ranking, while another 50% involve lists. The other 10% involve other random crap. And yes, I know that’s more than 100%.
11. Claudia’s Review of the Smilies
The poor smilies get it. Some of them more than others.
12. Tax Deduction! Tax Deduction! Tax Deduction!
I list some quotes of mine. Many involve Maggie over MSN Messenger. Many of them involve no humor whatsoever.
13. Incompetent People Suck
Ah, my early blogging days. This was rather serious at the time (I was rather pissed off) but it’s pretty funny looking back on it now. Plus that little chat conversation is pretty funny, too.
14. Claudia’s 100th Blog Post!
I don’t know why this one amuses me, but it does. I think it’s because it’s rather random.
15. Claudia Can’t Think of a Good Blog: The Blog
Man, this one’s dirty and it’s not even (entirely) my fault. Pretty funny.
16. You Cannot Be What You are Not. It is the Simple Truth of Man.
Yeah, I’m stretching a bit here, but there is a bit of humor in this one. Plus, it’s informative. At least one of these blogs has to have a purpose!
17. Fun with the Periodic Table
Oh dear, I remember this one. I use the initials of my friends and compare them to the elements on the Periodic Table that they correspond to. Odd.
18. Jimmy Crack Corn One More Time and I’m Referring Him to a Specialist
I diss iTunes’ grammar. Then I realize I made a mistake. I done bad.
19. From “Aquarius” to “Virgo,” No One is Safe!
Mediocre in some, pretty amusing in others. The zodiac gets it.
20. Okay, Last Time, I Swear!
My third conversation with Santabot.com. What fun these were.
Top 20 blog titles
Well, it being a year since I started blogging, I decided that today and tomorrow (at least) would be dedicated to reminiscing over the insanity. Today, I shall present you with the top 20 blog titles. Tomorrow shall be the top 20 blogs.
Yes, I’ve done this before, but that was nearly 5 months ago and the lists were only 10 items long then. Things must expand with time!
Top 20 blog titles:
1. Jimmy crack corn one more time and I’m referring him to a specialist
2. I think it was Socrates who said, “Hello! My name is Socrates!”
3. Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Hobos
4. Put that in your hickory-smoked sausage and exploit it!
5. This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
6. If a tree falls in the forest, can we still have sex later?
7. Mother Teresa called…she HATES you!
8. Maxed out! No limits! Reaching for the horizon! Putting silly putty on the radiator!
9. The masses never triumph! It is all an illusion, like those stupid “magic eye” things!
10. Time travel? Travel time! Speak coherently, Yoda does.
11. Claudia can’t think of a good blog: the blog
12. How long can these subject headings be, anyway? I mean can you just ramble on and on and oh here it is
13. Aaaargh! Real lobsters!
14. When judgment day arrives, Atheists won’t have a prayer!
15. U of I: the FEMA of universities
16. I heart Descartes
17. Memory is like the sun: if it disappears, it’ll take you approximately eight minutes to notice.
18. Do me like a crossword puzzle!
19. Why limit friendship by naming a SQUARE after it? Why is there no friendship CUBE, huh?
20. E=MC Hammer
The “Waiter” series
1. Waiter! There’s a hippo in my taco grande!
2. Waiter! There’s a Freudian in my Id!
3. Waiter! There’s a Creationist in my Primordial Soup!
4. Waiter! There’s a(n) [insert item/person] in my [insert thing that makes it sound witty]
5. Waiter! There’s some Voltaire in my English book! (what’re the odds of that?!)
6. Waiter! There’s a quadriplegic in my Jazzercise class!
7. Cephalopod! There’s a soup in my waiter!
8. Waiter! There’s an…aw, screw it, can I just get some pasta?
1 year anniversary!
(I am rather pissed at MySpace, considering I couldn’t post this until Thursday night. Gr.)
Hello faithful readers! Right this moment I am typing my 366th blog, meaning that I have been on MySpace for an entire year now! Wee!
I’m a happy camper.
This week will be filled with pointless celebrations, pointless random tangents, and even more pointless lists. But hey, what else is new?
Anyway, here are the 1 year stats:
Page views: 1,280
Blog views: 3,884
Blogs: 365
Comments: 104
Kudos: 4
How insane is that?!
Anyway, thanks for reading guys. You help me make sure that all these rants and random expressions of…well…”strangeness” don’t go entirely overlooked.
My MySpace gets a facelift (about time!)
Why, hello there, people! Since I’ve finally been able to update my blogs, I figured why not go the whole way with a slightly new layout and a new bio section. I think it’s better. Therefore, you think it’s better.
I’m in your heads, all of you.
…
Get your minds out of the gutter!
Number 11!
Guess what, people? Today’s my 11-month anniversary at MySpace. You know what that means? Next month at this time I will have been here a freaking year. Sad, wonderful, and surprising, all at the same time.
I want an award.
Dear MySpace:
To all my beloved blog fans out there (all two of you!), I must state this for the record: MySpace dislikes me and my blogging. While I can still log in and access the messages, blog page, and friend requests, I cannot upload my blogs or respond to messages. So apologies to all. Obviously, I am writing this today in Microsoft Word. You probably won’t get to read it for a month or so.
Overcompensating with two anniversaries at once due to a miscount
Now we’re up to nine months of this. The years’ll just fly by, won’t they? Wait…
May-June: 1 month
June-July: 2 months
July-August: 3 months
August-September: 4 months
September-October: 5 months
October-November: 6 months
November-December: 7 months
December-January: 8 months
January-February: 9 months…
February-March: 10? 10 Months?
Dammit! I miscounted somewhere! It’s the 10th month now! 10 months of this! Where the hell did I miscount?!
Give me a second here (this is a live blog!)…
-I had eight months written for February…that’s wrong.
-January: “I’m not even keeping track anymore, dangit.” (Liar!)
-December: 7. Ha! That’s correct!
Stupid January had me messed up. But I’m not going back to change it cause that’s just the way it is. I’m changing the title to “Overcompensating with Two Anniversaries at Once Due to a Miscount.” Or I could just title it as “Florida does Blogging” but I feel that is too subtle for many. Is that too subtle?
10 months yay.
MySpace AND Facebook profiles updated!
Here ya go. I haven’t touched either one in quite some time (meaning, I haven’t changed things around). Have some fun. Comment on my blogs, please. I like that. A lot.
WOO! BLOG NUMBER 300!
HAPPY 300th BLOG POST TO ME!!!
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(Yeah. That’s a blog train.)
Blog 279: in which Claudia proposes a question that will most likely go unanswered!
So here’s an idea I’m throwing out to all the two of you who read my blogs regularly—would you guys like (a.k.a. tolerate) me writing a Facebook note once a month that features my best blog of that month? I really want to milk publicity, like a he-bride, for all it’s got.
Ah well, not like I expect a comment or anything. Just throwing this out there.
Short blog!
8 months?! WHAT THE HELL.
Alrighty then. 8 months of this crap. Here’s a status update:
~Total number of blogs: 276 (not counting this one)
~Total views: 2,819 (70% of those were from me, I can almost guarantee that)
~Total number of comments: 76 (that’s shameful, people!)
~Total kudos: 27 (that’s even more shameful!)
I’m confused…should I be proud? Or ashamed?
(…or mad that you people don’t comment/kudos enough? )
MEGA BLOG UPDATE: FINISHED!
Haha! I finally did it. Now read them, or this was all in vain.
OMFG ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!11
Number seven.
Seven freaking months of this crap.
Why haven’t I gotten MORE COMMENTS? HUH?? ANSWER ME THAT! Well, 214 number of blogs later, I’m still here. Me=no life.
MEGA BLOG UPDATE!
Alrighty then. This time it’s for real. ALL BLOGS FROM THIS DATE UP UNTIL JANUARY 6TH HAVE BEEN WRITTEN ON THEIR RESPECTIVE DATES.
Have fun with this when it’s done…a month’s amount of blogs, plus some! Huttah!
Top 10 Blog Titles
That last one needed a follow-up, and here it is: Claudia’s Top Ten Blog Titles!
1. “Waiter! There’s a Hippo in my Taco Grande!”
2. “Waiter! There’s a Pythagorean Theorem in my Pi!”
3. “Jimmy Crack Corn One More Time and I’m Referring Him to a Specialist”
4. “Claudia Can’t Think of a Good Blog: The Blog”
5. “So Much Pain (or, “Why I Should Get an A in Physics”)”
6. “They Just Found a Spot on Uranus!”
7. “When Judgement Day Arrives, Atheists Won’t Have a Prayer!”
8. “Santa’s a Horndog!”
9. “E=MC Hammer”
10. “It’s Not Real, It’s Canadian!”
Haha. Loser.
Top 10 Blogs
I can’t believe I haven’t done this yet…a few of the last ones were toss ups. But I figure I’ve already posted 190 and I’m too impatient to wait till I reach 200, so here it is: Claudia’s Top 10 Blogs!
1. September 17th: the blog about pants. It’s my finest work (besides The Desert). I am proud of this rant.
2. August 8th: my 100th blog. I was being a complete dork, and it kinda shows. I like it.
3. June 15th: the blog in which I make comparisons between people and whatever element on the periodic table their initials spell out. Genius.
4. May 8th: the infamous “Incompetent People Suck” blog. I was pretty pissed. One of my first blogs.
5. September 2nd: I review the smilies. Not a good day for some of them.
6. October 5th: some really dirty stuff that, for once, I didn’t entirely come up with myself. Still funny, though, in a twisted sorta way.
7. May 24th: I compare Presidents Cleveland and Grant to see who comes out on top. I win.
8. October 31: my conversations with SantaBot, part three. I love this one.
9. June 6th: in which I reminisce over all the crap we did during lunch in highschool. Not to be overlooked if you were there/molested/scarred for life.
10. October 9th: I question iTunes’ grammar. I just like this one.
YAY! Now go read them, before I whip you.
6 FREAKING MONTHS OF THIS!
Today is the 6 month anniversary of my Myspace/blog.
184 blogs.
54 comments.
1734 views.
13 kudos.
What a life I lead.
…I was hoping this would be more exciting…
5 month anniversary!!
Holy crap, I need a life. 154 blog posts in 5 months.
How many made sense? I’d say, optimistically, 4.
And about 20% actually deal with the events of the day, not just ramblings.
Eh…that’s all I got. Next month looks promising!!
Eigenblogger 
Thanks guys!
You know what I’ve realized? In all my 430-some-odd blogs, I have yet to truly thank my subscribers/readers for not unsubscribing/continuing to read my crazy ramblings on here. So thanks, you guys. Thanks very much. Especially you, Matt. You comment on almost every single whacked-out post I have. That means a lot. Thank you.
So as a show of appreciation, I will from now on give you a reply comment on any comment you give me. I don’t know why I didn’t do that from the beginning; I probably should have. Oh well, I’ll start now!
All you readers rock. I love you all. I hope I provide enough entertainment to get you through the rough times of boredom. At least, I hope I do when MySpace allows me to.
Heh.