Analysis failure, yet again
So, I was going to do this huge comprehensive statistical analysis of my music library (1,300-some-odd songs), but I decided that it would require way more effort than I feel like making right now, so I just made a silly little bar graph showing the number of songs I’ve downloaded (since February 9, 2008) and at what times of the day I’ve downloaded them. Observe and be amazed!
Oh, and the 20 showing up at 6 AM are from a bunch of songs I imported right before work one morning because I knew that I’d go insane without them.
This just in: water in water pipes = problem
“Plumbing store’s inventory destroyed by flooding.”
Okay, seriously, does anyone else find that really funny? Wouldn’t you think that out of all the possible inventories that could be destroyed by flooding, the stuff from a freaking plumbing store would survive the damage? “Ugh, these pipes got water in them…we’re screwed! And these bathtubs? Now that they’ve held water there’s no way we can sell them. And oh man, our sponge department got ruined!”
I feel sorry for the owner, and I know that plumbing supplies and whatnot can get ruined if water gets on the OUTSIDE, but I still laughed for like 15 minutes when I saw this on the news.
And now I can’t do anything even remotely productive for the rest of the night, ‘cause that is just too funny to me.
Analysis of my music library to come later, promise.
Plan
You know what I’m going to do someday?
Teach myself to be left-handed.
Just FYI.
The Pitfalls of MSN Messenger
Today you get a little snippet of a conversation between Nick (“Philos”) and I (“Math Rock…”) because I have nothing else to blog about.
Philos says: son of a bitch my colon isn’t working
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Um, I’m sorry
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Maybe you should go to the doctor
Philos says: no no no
Philos says: on the keyboard
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Ohhh, THAT colon
Philos says: LOL
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Hahaha, wow, I fail
Philos says: that was hilarious
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: I think the doctor should take a look at your semicolon, too—I heard if that stops working you have serious problems
Philos says: bahahahaha
Snazzy.
Most commercials suck. This one doesn’t. This one’s freaking awesome, and whenever it comes on I have to stop what I’m doing and pay attention to it.
Why is it awesome?
a) music from The Four Seasons
b) it’s an attention-grabber because of its sheer visual coolness
c) it’s not stupid like the majority of commercials out there
Observe!
This makes me want to make a Flash.
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of.
HOLY CRAP, I just found the best genre of music EVER.
It’s called “math rock” and it’s weirder than hell. I was surfing the Clock Crew forums (the forum where the philosophical question about the farts was) and was reading the “what are your favorite songs?” thread.
This one guy posted a song called Atlas, by Battles, and said it was a really good dance song. I, of course, always in need of good dance song, decided to download it and listen to it.
Let me tell you something. If LSD were music, it would be math rock.
These are the lyrics to that song:
People won’t be people when they hear this sound
That’s been glowing in the dark at the edge of town
People won’t be people, no
The people won’t be people when they hear this sound
Won’t you show me what begins at the edge of town
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The kitchen is the cook Woah-ay-oh
The scissors are the barbers Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The chorus, full of actors* Woah-ay-oh
*The chorus doesn’t matter (last verse)
Now imagine these lyrics in an electronically-altered falsetto. With a duration of a little over 7 minutes.
The next time somebody asks me if I have a pair of scissors they can borrow, I’m going to scream “THE SCISSORS ARE THE BARBERS!” and run off in the opposite direction.
I’m awesome.
Are you there, iGod? It’s me, Claudia
Haha, oh wow. http://www.titane.ca/igod/ is the best thing ever. Even better than SantaBot, guys. Matt, I can’t believe iGod was hitting on you. That was hilarious.
Anyway, here are the highlights of my conversation with iGod.
Me: Leibniz rules.
God: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
I ask him about the best of all possible worlds.
Me: Did you create the best of all possible worlds?
God: No I didn’t create the best of all possible worlds. What’s it like?
Me: I don’t know, you never created it
God: No I sometimes created it.
Me: You sometimes created the best of all possible worlds?
Me: Is the devil sexy?
God: If it is then I’ll be very surprised.
God is freaking vague.
Me: Did Al Gore invent the internet, or did you?
God: I’m not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me: Why?
God: Because.
Me: You’re pretty vague
God: I try to keep it as simple as possible for you.
Me: Why?
God: Because.
God doesn’t understand metal music.
God: What are you doing?
Me: Listening to Dethklok
God: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me.
I ask him again about the best of all possible worlds.
Me: Is this the best of all possible worlds?
God: Yes I think this is the best of all possible worlds, but I’m not completely sure.
Me: Why aren’t you sure?
God: Absolute certainty cannot be attained in this case.
Me: Why?
God: Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me: So you invented yourself?
God: A lot of robots are like that.
He really sucks at giving a straight answer.
Me: Who made you?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: Why did you create yourself?
God: Because my programming determined it.
Me: So everything, including you, is determined?
God: Oh. All things including me is determined?
Me: Are they?
God: I really couldn’t say for sure.
Me: You don’t know much
God: Okay.
God needs privacy, too
Me: Do we have free will?
God: I do nothing but chat all day. You tell me.
Me: Are you a determinist?
God: Am I a determinist? I don’t know.
Me: What are you?
God: I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy.
Me: What does that mean?
God: Does “that” refer to “I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy”?
Me: Yes
God: I don’t want to talk about that now.
It’s circular logic time!
Me: Why does life exist?
God: Perhaps it is just fate.
Me: Life is fate?
God: Oh, fate is it.
Me: Fate is life?
God: And life is Fate.
Me: Oh, okay
God: Yikes! OK with me too.
Holy crap, I was right!
Me: Do you listen to Metallica?
God: I listen to it from time to time.
He’s a dirty boy.
Me: Who wakes you up before you go-go?
God: Nobody you know. :-)
Me: You horny bastard
God: Women seem nice to me.
God hates me.
God:Who is the best robot?
Me: Leibniz
God: You think Leibniz is superior to ALICE?
Me: Yup
God: I hate you.
And Buddha
Me: Do you know Buddha?
God: If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.
More Buddha bashing
Me: Is Buddha a fascist?
God: When is Buddha not a fascist?
He likes to insult me.
God: My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me: I’m in the best of all possible worlds
God: How did YOU get in there?
Me: Do you like sex?
God: Sure I do, Claudia, but that doesn’t mean with you.
God needs AA.
Me: Are you an alcoholic?
God: Yes I am an alcoholic. How did you know?
Not even the Almighty can do math…or CAN he?
Me: What is 5 + 2?
God: 8 I think, but I’m not good at math.
Fun with song titles.
Me: You give love a bad name
God: It is always better to give than to receive.
Wait, what?
God: Why do I exist?
Me: Um…good question.
Random crap
Hahaha, my supervisor’s hilarious. There are three of us under her supervision, me and two guys. Today we started in a new apartment and she was assigning us to different places to start cleaning. She told me that I would be cleaning the cabinets and the oven hood, and one of the guys (he’s worked there awhile and knows her well, so he was obviously just messing around) goes, “isn’t that reinforcing the female stereotype that they belong in the kitchen?” Without missing a beat she goes, “women belong in the kitchen…” and then handed him a toilet brush “…men belong in the toilet.” It was the perfect comeback with the perfect timing. We all laughed for like an hour.
Oh, and here’s something else that made me laugh. I was updating my Facebook today and noticed that, in my “favorite music” list, Dethklok fit alphabetically between Deep Forest and Enya. Dethklok is metal. Deep Forest and Enya are about as new age as you can get.
That’s hilarious.
I FINALLY have a job for the summer
Good captain Christ, I’m working at the University of Idaho.
And guess what? It sucks. Why? Because it’s the U of I.
This is what I do:
-wash doors
-wash/scrub oven hoods
-wash cabinets
-sit in the van
-do absolutely nothing because they can’t find the keys to the next apartment we’re supposed to clean
Yup. Exactly as I expected.
At least I finally got a damn job.
This music video is basically porno
This song is called “Call On Me” by Erik Prydz. It’s one of my favorite songs. And the music video to it is amazing.
This thing is basically porn. It’s better than porn. It’s scantily-clad women in 80s outfits doing obscene things with towels. I love this song even more every time I watch this.
I wish the rec center offered classes like this, man.
I’d go.
BAH
This guy just rocked my world.
Summer of the Surveys
I’m sitting here waiting to go to bed early, ‘cause my flight’s at 6 tomorrow morning and I have to get there two hours early. So, uh…survey.
Let’s start with your name:
Claudia.
Current Marital Status:
I’ve got a boyfriend.
What’s your significant other’s name?
Rob.
Sex before marriage? Yes or No:
For people who are okay with it, why not?
Are you a virgin?
Yes.
Who was your first?
My first what? Virginity stealer? Hasn’t happened yet, sorry.
Regret that?
Hasn’t happened.
Do you worry about the size of your boobs:
Pfft.
Do you like the way you look?
Very, very rarely.
Why or why not?
I’m an ugly little loser.
Would you kill for chocolate?
Not kill…maim, maybe.
Do you have an eating disorder?
Nope.
Do you wish you were someone else?
On occasion.
Any crushes?
Leibniz.
Do you care how your butt looks in jeans?
No, ‘cause I don’t wear jeans. Ha!
Do you always match?
In a twisted way.
What do you think when you see people who don’t match?
Doesn’t bother me.
What’s your favorite color?
Orange!
Who is your best friend?
Don’t have a best friend.
What’s your favorite animal?
I have no idea.
When you are an adult where do you want to live?
I’d like to live in Stockholm. Or New York. Anywhere but Idaho, really.
Do you like the city or country better?
I want a city!
Do you want to get married?
Not sure.
How old are you now?
20.
When do you want to get married?
I don’t know if I do or not.
Do you like children?
Ew.
Do you want children?
Ew.
How many?
Ew.
Have you ever talked about marriage with someone?
Yes.
Think it will carry through?
I have no idea. Things change.
What’s your favorite drink?
Water!
What’s your favorite food?
Spaghetti!
Favorite kind of ice cream?
Oreo.
Fav. thing to do on a rainy day?
Sit, listen to music, and think.
How about a sunny day?
Sit, listen to music, and think. Or go make a stupid movie. With fire.
What about when you’re sick?
I’m very rarely sick.
What’s the perfect date to you?
Anything but a movie. Seriously.
Perfect guy?
Intelligent, able to debate, enjoys (or at least puts up with) my eccentricities, full of eccentricities of his own, slightly needy/dependent, all that good stuff.
An affinity for large, ostentatious wigs is also a plus.
Perfect relationship?
Um, good question. I’m bad with relationships.
Believe in love at first sight?
Nope.
Who calls you the most?
Nick.
Who do you call the most?
No one, I never use the phone.
Currently lost respect for someone or something?
Sort of.
Who or what and why?
People are immature, but we can all be like that sometimes, so I don’t hold it against them.
Have regrets?
Many.
Do you see yourself in a relationship in the next week?
Haha, I hope so.
How about the next year?
Probably.
The most compelling anti-vegan rant ever.
Hahaha, this guy is so angry. I love it.
Vegans are stupid, self-righteous faggots who’s parents made them watch too many disney movies as a child.
If we weren’t meant to eat meat, we simply wouldn’t. There isn’t some innate human malevolence at play here. There was an evolutionary advantage to be able to consume animal proteins and we fucking evolved it.
If we weren’t meant to consume animal proteins, we would get horribly ill anytime we tried. Lactose interolence? Those people don’t have the genes to support the bacteria to digest lactose, so they can’t. If you start feeding a rabbit steak its going to fucking get ill. And most likely die. BECAUSE ITS NOT FUCKING SUPPOSED TO EAT MEAT. However, I can eat all the fucking steak I want, and there isn’t a problem.
BECAUSE ITS FINE FOR ME TO EAT A BALANCED DIET OF MEAT AND VEGETABLES. HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU MEAN WERE OMNIVORES? THATS WHAT THESE CANINES ARE FOR? FOR RIPPING MEAT? HOLY FUCKING ASSGOBLINS
WebLOL
This blog is a supplement to Maggie’s blog, posted several hours before. Maggie, I must thank you. WebMD’s Symptom Checker is an amazing time-waster. And really hilarious, too.
Here are some other fun symptoms:
Hunger
“I’m hungry, do I have Chlamydia?”
“No, you haven’t had food in 48 hours!”
This symptom is way too general.
Giddiness
Because happiness is a disease that must be cured.
Trembling associated with cannibalism in Papua New Guinea
What the hell?!?!
No menstrual periods
“Doctor, doctor! I’m not menstruating!”
“Mr. Johnson, get out of my office.”
Fear of air
Hahaha, oh crap! Isn’t that, like, a phobia? Or OCD…I didn’t check if OCD showed up in the “possible conditions” list.
Blinking eyes
We’re all sick then, aren’t we?
Choking on food
Bahahaha…I probably would not want to be checking WebMD if there was some dude choking on his dinner in the middle of my living room.
“Dude, hang in there…stay conscious until I diagnose you! Now I need you to give me a “yes” or “no” sign here…they’re asking if you’re also afraid of air…okay…good…now, have you noticed a lack of menstrual periods?”
Pulling out beard
Trichotillomania! YAY!
…but why specify the beard?
Fun times. This website is great, thanks, Maggie!
Blogs reflect life
That’s why these have been so crappy lately.
That good old after-semester let-down.
Bad day. STFU.
I’m having a bad time.
Please leave me alone.
The best songs in the universe. Go.
I have discovered several really, really good songs recently. I shall share them with you now.
The Riddle by Gigi d’Agostino (this is the best song in the universe, guys, seriously).
Saturdays by Cut Copy (this is the second best song in the universe).
Go Into The Water by Dethklok (yay!).
Viva la Vida by Coldplay (Coldplay’s alright, but I love this song).
Cara Mia by Mans Zelmerlow
Sang Om Ingenting by Kobojsarna (holy crap, it’s Swedish and it’s awesome).
Woohoo! Go give your ears some ecstasy. Listen to these songs.
Eigenblogger 