IT’S 4 IN THE MORNING AND I’M SO FREAKING HYPER RIGHT NOW.
Holy gods, I miss teaching.
I’m going to bring this back because it’s fantastic.
(Sorry, I really don’t have anything good to blog about tonight.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LOOK WHAT I GOT!
$20, free shipping, on eBay. That’s the cheapest I’ve seen this book go for.
Doesn’t Blankie look like a serial killer?
Check the back:
Mr. Disch is officially awesome.
AND THIS POEM:
Lives there a man with soul so dead
He’s never to his toaster said:
“You are my friend; I see in you
An object sturdy, staunch, and true;
A fellow mettlesome and trim;
A brightness that the years can’t dim.”?
Then let us praise the brave appliance
In which we place this just reliance.
And offer it with each fresh slice
Such words of friendship and advice
As “How are things with you tonight?”
Or “Not too dark but not too light.”
I’ve heard the book is quite different from the movie, so I’ll have to read it and check it out. Some of the pages are pretty loose, though, so I’m hesitant.
But I finally have a copy!!
I found The Brave Little Toaster on YouTube. That movie is such a trip.
[Insert frantic Wikipedia research here]
DUDE IT WAS A BOOK TOO:
The blanket looks alarmingly like a serial killer in the cover illustration. One of those calculating, quiet types who smothers children in their sleep.*
Wiki: “The Brave Little Toaster was well-received by critics. Anna Quindlen, writing for the New York Times, called it ‘a wonderful book for a certain sort of eccentric adult. You know who you are. Buy it for your children; read it yourself.'”
Its full title is The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances, which leads me to believe that author Thomas M. Disch is pretty freaking great. Must…acquire…copy…
*NaNoWriMo 2012 idea: rewrite The Brave Little Toaster as a horror book. Call it Burnt. The five appliances are bitter to the point of extreme revenge over being left at the cabin by their master. They set out to seek revenge on him. Along the way, Blanky’s initial harmless hallucinations about the master soon give way to his psychopathic tendencies. Because we all know it’s the quiet, innocent-seeming ones who are apt to snap and turn on their friends in the middle of the woods.
Dude. This is so happening.
Edit: Mr. Disch and I share a birthday. It’s a sign.
List of things that don’t mix:
Oil + water
Water + potassium
Bleach + ammonia
Wine + emotions
Scientology + common sense
Half-Life + The Brave Little Toaster
Seriously, guys…weirdest dream I’ve ever had. There were headcrabs, there were talking blankets. At some point a vacuum consumed a bullsquid.
Life and the unconscious realm are weird.
Edit: holy Jesus:
Most accurate representation of that movie EVER.
This is quite possibly the WEIRDEST movie in the world. In the universe. I must share this trip with you, so this is the general summary (I’d warn for spoilers, but…well…):
So this is apparently set awhile after the original The Brave Little Toaster, and Rob and Christine have had a baby (Robbie, of course). One night, an old Hearing Aid gets out of the junk drawer and it is discovered by Toaster that he is communicating to someone in space. The old gang of appliances decides to watch him the next night, but they fall asleep and wake up just in time to see Robbie, in a bubble, float off to Mars under a big beam of light.
(Let’s stop for a minute. The little kid, IN A BUBBLE, goes to Mars. Keep in mind that this has all been masterminded by a HEARING AID.
Okay, got that?
It gets weirder.)
They consult a computer that gives them the magic formula for space flight: a microwave, popcorn, a laundry basket, and the Ceiling Fan. Alert NASA! In space, they sing a rousing song about floating with a bunch of balloons (it’s worth mentioning again that they’re in SPACE here, where appliances still can sing, balloons don’t pop, and gravity is doin’ fine) before crashing on Mars.
(At about this point I ponder taking some acid to see if that would make this movie make sense.)
Now on Mars, the appliances meet a group of military toasters (never thought I’d use those two words in such close conjunction) as well as a Christmas angel named Tinselina (why she has a name and everything else is just Toaster, Blankie, or Mr. Coffee is a mystery). They learn that the Supreme Commander (a refrigerator, of course) is plotting to blow up the earth—such a COLD and HEARTLESS leader! Toaster, however, with his spunky personality and knack for coming up with musical numbers off the top of his head, wins an election against the fridge and becomes the new Supreme Commander.
Following this, there’s some really weird reunion between two Hearing Aids, an “oh crap, we FORGOT TO DEACTIVATE THE EARTH-BOUND DEATH ROCKET moment,” and a sacrifice of material (a.k.a. clothes) from Christmas Angel (if the other appliances don’t get unique names, neither does she) to get them back home.
And, of course, a happy ending. Robbie’s first word is, appropriately, “Toaster,” and life goes on for the talking appliances.
You all seriously need to see this. Weirdest damn movie ever.
God, if I had a kid and its first word was “toaster,” I’d probably shoot myself. Of course, my first word was “tick-tock,” so I probably shouldn’t be talking. Maybe when I was real young I had a similar adventure…”The Brave Old Grandfather Clock Goes to Alpha Centauri” or something.