Canadian Mall – Installment 1: Central City
In this the first installment of “Claudia Walks Vancouver via Malls,” I went down to the ghetto Surrey to visit Central City which, to my great surprise, had Simon Fraser University Surrey attached to it.
I’ve neither seen nor heard of a university attached to a mall.
Anyway.
Aside from higher education you can also purchase alcohol, stuff from the Canadian version of Walmart, pitas that are supposedly extreme, and waffle irons (there’s a Bed Bath & Beyond) at this cool little mall.
Pros:
– Did I mention waffle irons?
– Not a maze from hell
– The Asian grocery store, in which I could identify about 30% of the items, but which carried Aspartame-free gum!
– DOLLAR STORE
Cons:
– It’s in Surrey
– No good bookstore
– I got lost on SE Marine Drive on the way there and got pretty cold. That was pretty sucky.
Woo! Not sure where I’ll go next week, but probably not south.
Surrey. Erugh.
I Love Uncyclopedia
Uncyclopedia is great. Spent the night browsing it, feel substantially better than I did this afternoon.
From the “glossary of mathematical terms” section:
Absolute Value: The price of a bottle of vodka.
Cartesian Coordinates: Coordinates that one thinks are correct, therefore they must be…
Decagon: The cards are missing.
Euler’s Formula: The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Infinity: A big fuckin’ number
From the “statistics” page:
“In the meantime, you should have a look at some FUCKIN POLLS (1/5) “
“Type I Error: Getting statistically significant results.
Type II Error: Getting statistically significant results, lying about the results, and getting caught.
Type III Error: Getting statistically significant results and forgetting to write them down.
Type IV Error: Getting a type I, II, or III error and not realizing it.
Type V Error: You have no fucking idea what you’re doing, do you?”
Newton’s page is practically all about apples. It’s freaking hilarious.
“Four years later, Newton presented his thesis, On The Scrumptiousness Of Apples, to the university. Due to the prevailing low standards in science at the time, it was accepted and Newton graduated.”
“Newton was distraught and flew immediately into a violent rage. He ran into the local market and turned over a cartload of apples shouting, ‘run my pretties, I have freed you!’ This is believed to be the origin of the popular saying ‘upsetting the apple cart’ as well as the less well known phrase ‘don’t go mad and start humping apples like Newton did.’”
And Hume:
“Showing his potential from an early age, he had disproved the existence of God, society, and Asia while still a mere toddler, and the existence of over 30% of all known objects by his eighth birthday. Aristotle had not even learnt to tie his shoe-laces until he was nine.”
I still think Vancouver’s page is the most hilarious thing ever, but Surrey’s article is like 100% accurate. “The city’s current motto is ‘for the love of God, stay the fuck out!’
Today’s song: Ellens Gesang III, D. 839 [Ave Maria] by Barbara Bonney & Geoffrey Parsons
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