OH MY GOD I SURVIVED SYMBOLIC LOGIC.

So in celebration of this, I wrote a song.

It’s sung to the tune of—of course—M.C. Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This.

Oh, and Dr. O’Rourke, if you EVER happen upon this for some reason, I want you to know that this is totally proof (ha! Get it?) that your class had an impact on me and that I loved it. This is dedicated to all of us who, for some reason or another, take a long time to wrap our heads around proofs. Where the free time to write this drivel comes from, I will never know.

Onward!

“U Can’t Prove This”

U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this

My, my, my, Symbolic Logic, it’s so hard
Makes me say oh my Lord
It seems okay when you’re doing truth tables,
Translations, worlds, you feel quite able
But then you get to problem set four
Crap like you’ve never seen before
Gone are the days of logic bliss
You throw up your hands and say, “u can’t prove this”

I told you, freshman, u can’t prove this
Yeah that’s how we’re graded and you know, u can’t prove this
Look at this statement man, u can’t prove this

Yo let me bust the logic lyrics, u can’t prove this

Boole and Tarsky, Wittgenstein
You start missin’ these guys when you enter the land
Of proofs, it’s quite sad
Who knew philosophy could kick your ass?
Can’t prove a thing without some guidance
Wish you’d taken computer science
But now you’re stuck
You know this class is gonna test your luck
Make it known you can’t get the groove
That this is a statement you can’t prove

Yo I told you, u can’t prove this
Why you standing there man, u can’t prove this
Yo sharpen your pencil, logic class is startin’, u can’t prove this

Then you start to understand
The relief you feel is oh, so grand
But then Prof says, “oh there’s more”
Gives new rules, subproofs galore
And now you’re screwed
Just when you thought your struggle was subdued
You’ve got this “if, then…”
So you go through the pain all over again
Assume P, or not P?
Who the hell knows, it’s all Greek to me

It’s hard because you know
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Break it down!

Stop. Logic time. 

Go with the flowchart it is said
If you can’t prove the former than you’re probably gonna dread
These quants—they’re real tough
You’re trying to learn more but you’ve had enough
Of these rules—they’re absurd
What do they expect, you’re no logic nerd
Backwards E’s and upturned A’s
Out the window flies your grade
A, B, C, D, F, yeah, u can’t prove this
Look man, u can’t prove this
You’d better do the extra credit, boy, ‘cause you know you can’t prove this

Ring the bell, it’s logic time, break it down!

Stop. Logic time.

U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this

Break it down!

Stop. Logic time.

Every time they see you, you’re working on these proofs
You’re hunting like a bloodhound, a modus pollens sleuth
Now how could you ever increase your proving speed
When you can’t seem to prove concisely what you need
You’ve done so much already, there’s so much more to do
It’s subproof new subproof ‘nother subproof twelve subproofs and you’re hardly half way through

U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Yeah, u can’t prove this
I told you, u can’t prove this
Too hard can’t prove this

Get me outta here, I can’t prove this

People underestimate the genius of Weird Al. This is hard. And it doesn’t help that this song is like five minutes long.