I Think I Ate a Kleenex


HOKAY, so this happened a few nights ago now, but I forgot to blog about it because I forget everything nowadays because I’ve been so busy and also I’m sick and ALSO this is a super run-on sentence so let’s just get to it.

After Nate went to bed, I sat in my chair to listen to music, as per usual. Also, as per usual, I fell asleep, because soft chair + good music + I FEEL LIKE DEATH = sleep. I don’t recall what I was dreaming about or how long I was out, but when I woke up I had this weird dryness feeling in my mouth—the same dryness you get after you chew on a piece of paper.*

Then I realized I had had a Kleenex next to me on the chair. Said Kleenex was nowhere to be found—not on the chair, not in the chair, not under the chair, not on the floor, not stuffed down the front of my shirt (as I tend to do with my phone when its alarm is going off and I want it to STFU because I’m sleeping), not anywhere in the room.

So I’m assuming I ate it.

Gettin’ my daily dose of bleached wood fibers. Awesome.

*I used to chew up pieces of ruled paper in elementary school, spit them out, and shape them into little paper dice to give to my fellow classmates, so I know exactly what this mouth feeling is. DON’T JUDGE ME I WAS THE COOLEST IN SCHOOL.

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