Itty Bitty Pasta Blog
If you can find this wherever you live, freaking get it. It’s tasty.
That’s all.
I want carbs.
I ALWAYS want carbs.
I’d blame the running, but I think I’ve always just wanted carbs, haha.
Anyway, have some carbs:
Also, this is the first time I’ve ever heard of blooming spices. Interesting.
BOMBARDONIS AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Hi, sorry, LOOK AT THIS PASTA
Look at how ENORMOUS those noodles are, yo. Like, compare them to the regular-size rigatoni on the left.
I COULD FIT MY WHOLE HAND IN THERE
(Okay, not really, but I could probably shove like two fingers in it)
(Giggity)
I’d have to cook these for like an hour to get them to the mushiness I like.
Fantastic.
Oodles of Noodles
I love how chill and informative this is.
“Oh, I can see the guy inside!” That was super cute, haha.
I feel like I wouldn’t get the full enjoyment of this ‘cause I can’t taste garlic, but it looks good! I love how happy he looks when he tries it.
Look at this FREAKING PASTA
It’s GODDAMN DAINTY
They’re LITTLE STARS
You could EAT A GALAXY
I like a lot of CAPS LOCK TODAY
(BYE)
I want carbs
Specifically, THESE carbs:
That looks so freaking good, haha.
(This is so dumb, I know.)
Today’s deep thought: we spend time and energy to create soft pasta, then dry it out to make it hard, then eventually put it in water to make it soft again.
Today’s Deep Thought™ is brought to you by sleep deprivation and spaghetti.
I WAS ON A GOAT THAT DAY
Let me tell you the weird dream I had about pasta.
In the dream, there is this company in northern Idaho that specializes in making pasta that is named after different metal/hard rock bands. There is nothing particularly special about the pasta itself or even the shapes – they’re just named after metal or hard rock bands. For example, the manicotti noodle shape was called “Slayer.”
I am exceptionally intrigued by these noodles in the dream, so my mom, Nate, and I take a road trip from Moscow up to somewhere past Coeur d’Alene where the pasta is sold in some huge mall. We get to the store that sells the pasta and rather than reasonable quantities of noodles being sold in boxes, they’re sold by the pair at the same price as a box (according to the company, this is so that you can mix and match shapes to your liking).
And they’re also sold on those little earring display cards.
Like, instead of this:
It’s this kind of thing:
Oh, did I mention the pasta company was called Celebrezze? That’s weird as hell because Celebrezze was the last name of my high school principal.
Guess he’s making pasta for the 1 percenters now.
Anyway.
The names of the pastas are on the backs of the earring cards and Nate’s quizzing me on matching the band names with the pastas.
I’m terrible at it.
He’s making fun of me because he thinks it’s because I don’t know my metal/hard rock bands, but really it’s because there is no logical connection between a band and what pasta shape they get.
Like, there’s no reason Slayer should be manicotti…but there’s no reason Slayer should not be manicotti, y’know?
Oh, and my mom got a new car in the dream. She just drove it right up to us in the mall because she was so excited about it. It was the same make and model of her previous car, but it was a different color.
Anyway.
Also, apparently I can still reconstruct Lead with cellular accuracy from somewhere deep in my subconscious, ‘cause he was in the car with my mom and was busy pointing out some design flaw with the odometer display that I had pointed out A MILLION TIMES BEFORE but my mom was like, “oh my god, I’ve never noticed that before, you’re so smart!” and it’s like why must he be better than me even in my dreams????
(Run-on sentence)
Except for that one dream I had a while ago where the two of us were on Jeopardy! and all of the categories were things I knew (Leibniz, SI units and measures, stats, clouds, etc.) and I smoked him. That was a great dream.
So yeah.
In This Blog: Claudia Ranks Pasta Shapes
Why? Because I produce nothing but quality blog content, that’s why.
Disclaimer: there are like 600 different pasta shapes, so I’m going to limit this to pasta shapes that I am relatively familiar with and/or have seen in the wild to avoid this blog dragging on for ever and ever only to contain obscure pastas that no one’s ever heard of. Like, “bigoli” sounds like a fake Italian word that someone came up with when pretending to be Italian and is thus hilarious, but I’ve never seen it on a shelf, so it’s not gonna be on this list.
Anyway. Ready?
[Edit: this list is a lot shorter than I thought it’d be, haha. I GUESS I AM NOT THE PASTA CONNOISSEUR I THOUGHT I WAS MY LIFE IS A LIE]
Pappardelle
Confession: I have never actually had pappardelle noodles, but this is the tastiest looking pasta in the universe.
Seriously, look at it.
(from here)
I NEEEEEED!
Penne
Penne is my bro, but only if it’s got the ridges. The smooth ones look like weird sharp penises and that’s not super appetizing.
Spaghetti
The good old standard. But I’m super picky about what spaghetti is the best. Some brands make it too thin, and I don’t like thin pasta. Winco’s brand is actually the best.
Ravioli
I used to make ravioli (“make” as in boil pre-made stuff I got at the store) at like 1 AM after I got back from work when I worked the closing shift at Wendy’s. It had like twenty cheeses in it. Fantastic.
Rotini
How to make the Food of the Gods™:
- Cook rotini until it’s almost mush (al dante pasta can go suck it)
- Cover cooked rotini with copious amounts of shredded Colby Jack cheese
- Nom
- Ascend
Linguine
Not quite as good as spaghetti, but a nice flat, not-too-skinny pasta that will sub for spaghetti if necessary.
Conchiglie
Little shells! Super cute. I actually don’t think I’ve had this type of pasta since I was a kid, but I remember really liking the texture of it. I liked cupping the shell around the tip of my tongue.
Conchiglioni
GIANT SHELLS! Never had them, but they look cool.
Fettuccine
Fettuccine works if you’ve got the right set of “other” ingredients, but I don’t know if it would always work. If that makes sense.
Lasagna
This is low on the list because who in the hell eats lasagna noodles outside of actual lasagna? I feel like they’d be super weird. …Now I want to try it.
Tortellini
Another pasta that I’m pretty sure I’ve never had. They look like ravioli with a little too much pasta bit and not enough filling. They also look hard, and pasta should be mush.
Rigatoni
Fat tubes? Yay! Can hold much cheese.
Farfalle
Li’l bow ties! Cute, but I’ve never had them. I suspect a weird texture.
Rotelle
Li’l wheels! See above.
Alfabeto
The fact that alphabet pasta has an “Italianized” name is freaking adorable. I like it.
Capellini
Too skinny. Weird texture. 0/10 would not nom again.
Gnocchi
Kinda like tortellini, I’ve never had gnocchi. They look hard. And isn’t gnocchi usually made from potato? IMPOSTER PASTA! IMPASTA!
Orzo
Is it rice? Are they larvae? Is it a mix of the two? Risotto’s evil twin.
…This was an exercise in “how can I waste my time this evening?”
THE BROCCOLI KING
So I just realized that I’ve been having the same thing for dinner for approximately 10 years (there’s been a little variety in there, but not much) and have never shared it with you.
So here it is!
What’s in it?
- Penne pasta
- Broccoli
- Feta cheese
- A little olive oil
- More black pepper than a human being should have in a week
Super simple and super tasty. I found the recipe in Vancouver on one of those rubber bands that holds bunches of broccoli together and have been making it ever since.
YAY SORRY I AM BORING
Dear candy companies who feel the need to release peanut butter versions of their products:
KEEP IT UP.
Seriously. Peanut butter Twix cause little gustatory orgasms.
Anyway.
Am I the only one having trouble accessing the NaNoWriMo site? Every time I go to update my word count I get the “page cannot be displayed fart fart fart” message. So I think I’m still at like 420 words or something, haha. Prepare for my little graph to shoot skywards once I can actually log on.
Unrelated: I freaking love this!
Also, my stuff was “guaranteed” to come yesterday but it STILL ISN’T HERE…kinda freaking out, but whatev. I miss my books. And Giant Compy.
Vroom!
“…on paper?”
Haha, it’s time to mess with people! Here are snippits from several MSN messenger conversations I’ve had with some of my friends (mainly Aneel and E’raina) over the past year. They’re hilarious.
#1: in which we discuss a certain teacher and her husband:
E’raina: haha, her hubby came to the rink today and had a conversation with my boobs
Claudia: HAHA!
Aneel: yuck
E’raina: i almost cried
Claudia: I bet he’d like some firm ones for once
Claudia: :D
E’raina: haha
Aneel: ewe
E’raina: damn girl!
Claudia: Not that I look or anything…
E’raina: its hard to miss that
Aneel: haha yeah…
E’raina: its one of those “do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro”
E’raina: but with boobs
#2: in which we discuss the end of the year BBQ:
E’raina: too bad we don’t have friends with hot tubs
E’raina: or slip n slides
E’raina: or crack
Claudia: I have strippers hidden under my bed!
E’raina: I vote for Claudia’s house
E’raina: Hey C, do you ever have a day where you just want to whip Aneel with a piece of licorice?
#3: in which we discuss Aneel’s hotness:
Claudia: Don’t you think Aneel’s hot?
Claudia: I do
Aneel: o yeah it’s not a secret…lol
E’raina: damn right it isn’t
Aneel: I’m not the best kept secret
#4: in which I promote my website:
Claudia: www.geocities.com/antarctica_freak
Claudia: It is great
Claudia: Brilliant
Aneel: lol well you made it
Claudia: Therefore it is great
Claudia: Brilliant
Claudia: HAHA! I just opened my phone and got an eyeful of Alan crotch!
#5: in which we discuss (argue about) pasta for prom:
Claudia: I’ll bring pasta
Claudia: CLEAN pasta, Aneel
Aneel: why would it be dirty?
E’raina: teehee
Claudia: You were saying it was messy
Aneel: yeah pasta is
Claudia: Not all the time
E’raina: it can be
Claudia: But not all the time
Aneel: exactly
Aneel: but it can
Claudia: BUT NOT ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!!!
Claudia: Gang up on me, why don’t ya?
E’raina: i love pasta
E’raina: i’m all about the pasta
Aneel: lol it’s ok I like it to sometimes
E’raina: I love it!
Claudia: …so pasta?
#6: in which Aneel and I discuss what we’re doing at the moment:
Claudia: Did you just say something?
Claudia: …Sharma?
Aneel: yeah whats up>?
Claudia: Government final :(
Claudia: You?
Aneel: I’m decorating my glasses case
Claudia: To make it more manly?
Claudia: Does he really count as a boy?
Claudia: He’s an…Aneel
Aneel (talking about his government final): do you think Hall would care if I did the whole research paper in landscape format?
#7: in which Aneel and I discuss the final government question:
Aneel: what creative thing did you do for a bill becoming a law?
Claudia: I just did a flowchart
Claudia: You haven’t done that yet?
Aneel: nope
Aneel: flowchart?
Aneel: how do you make one of those?
Claudia: Yeah
Claudia: Just draw it
Aneel (like 5 minutes later): on paper?
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