ALSdkjfalkfhkghalgkjfdj.f..d.lsajfadf*blah*
OH MY GOD why is everything still going wrong with this whole process related to grad school? I’d give you a detailed list, but I already did that a month or so ago and I’m too angry to do it again. Let’s just say I’m super frustrated right now.
AND I’ll be internet-less until at least Saturday. This wouldn’t be so bad except for the fact that I have to email a bunch of people regarding my finally being here (supervisor, etc.) and the only place I can get internet is campus.
I wonder if this is still the karmic backlash for that thing I did in 2009.
END!
To SC:
I never told you why I did what I did to you. I guess that makes me a coward. But it also makes you in the dark about certain things, which I think is a good thing both for you and for the other(s) involved. In the short time I knew you, I’ve seen you too close to violence to trust telling you everything, even now.
I will say two things regarding what I did:
1) while it may not have been an appropriate way of doing what needed to be done, it got the job done (forgive me for putting it that way) and for that I’m glad I did it. I knew things wouldn’t have worked out. I think somewhere down in your unconscious mind, you did too.
2) at the same time, it was a petty, impulsive, short-sighted, juvenile thing to do to another human being. I know it may mean nothing to you, but I can assure you that I’ve been experiencing full-swing karmic backlash pretty much constantly since that day/night/week/whatever you want to call it. I still hope, though, that everyone who’s ever done what I did experiences that same karmic backlash. We deserve it.
Every once and awhile I really miss you. I miss how comfortable around each other we were. I miss knowing that when you came over I didn’t have to suffer through hours of pre-meeting anxiety like I do with everyone else outside my immediate family (and sometimes WITH my immediate family).
But I treated you badly. I argued with you on purpose. I pushed you away and hated you when you clung to me even after I’d yell and scream and cry and run. I didn’t want to accept the fact that someone wanted to get close to me, I guess. I don’t really know. I think I actually knew it wouldn’t work from the very beginning. Which is stupid, of course, because I shunned all my friends when they were so quick to point out to me that what we were getting into probably wasn’t a good idea.
Stupid, stupid Claudia.
But I suppose the past is the past. I still miss you, but things are better this way. And I’m not sure why this poorly-veiled blog-letter is happening today. Didn’t have much to say otherwise and you were on my mind.
Which happens sometimes.
Because I still miss you.
Why is prevention measured in ounces?
Well, I can certainly tell I’m back in Vancouver, ‘cause my luck has taken a turn for the worse again.
I have two other people staying in my apartment. I got a knock on my door last night from the caretaker of the building who said “hey, the guy below you has a water leak in his ceiling, so the plumbers are coming tomorrow.”
It’s now tomorrow, and they’ve been here for six hours.
They had to take my toilet out, dig around in the sewer pipe for about an hour and a half, then they left my toilet in the hall while they went to get lunch, came back, sucked god knows what out of the sewer pipe, and then attempted to install a new pipe piece (that doesn’t fit).
Did I mention I brought Annabelle up here yesterday? Do you know how bad I feel about keeping her locked in the bedroom so she doesn’t sprint out of the apartment/fall down the sewer pipe (a valid fear—we had a cat that crawled under a fireplace once)? I hope the obscenely large sewer vac thing they brought in here didn’t scar her for life.
What joy. Welcome back, eh?
Today’s song: Worried About Ray by The Hoosiers
+900 in Negative Karma!
Good thing to know: waking up 5 minutes before you’re scheduled to take the GRE leads to super crappy GRE scores.
Fuck this, I don’t want to talk about it.
I am SO going to karmic hell
This is gonna bite me hard in the butt somewhere down the line.
But as of this moment, I care not.
Eigenblogger 