Tag Archives: cookies

Bad Romance: The Cookie Version

Okay.

Don’t laugh at me.

Last night I had a dream about Lady Gaga (not the first time this has happened) in which she gave me a recipe with which to express her song Bad Romance as a batch of cookies.

I’m not kidding.

Well, okay, she didn’t give me an explicit recipe. She just told me what to do (“make Bad Romance into a batch of cookies”) and gave me four distinct ingredients that had to be included: Oreos, cream cheese, blueberries, and Nutella.
So that’s what I attempted this afternoon. She didn’t give me any real direction in terms of the recipe in the dream, so I just kind of made things up as I went for a small seven cookies batch. What I finally ended up doing was making a cream cheese blueberry cookie base, sprinkling them with crumbled up Oreo (just the cookie part), and then topping them with the Oreo filling mixed with Nutella.

This is what they look like:
 

So what’s the taste verdict?
Meh.

They don’t live up to the awesomeness of Bad Romance. I think they would have tasted better without the blueberries, but that may be because the cookies were small and the blueberries were overly intrusive (they have big blueberries in Canada).

They’re pretty, though.
 

 

 

Today’s song: First Train Home by Imogen Heap

I’M A CHEF WATCH ME BAKE

HOLY CRAP I COOKED AGAIN!

It’s almost the same thing as last time because I still have half a bag of cornmeal (and because I freaking love cornmeal), but I was curious as to what would happen if I put ice cream in the oven, so I gave that a shot this time.
These taste good, but they’re also pretty, which makes them snazzy. You should have seen me experimenting with this while trying to write down the ingredients, it was quite funny. Here’s what you will need:

Base:

  • ½ cup butter
  • ½ cup sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 cup flour
  • 1/3 cup cornmeal
  • ¾ tsp. baking powder
  • 1/8 tsp. salt
  • ¾ tsp. vanilla

Ice cream cookie:

  • 3 tbsp. butter
  • ¼ cup brown sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 cup flour
  • 1 tsp. baking powder
  • 1/8 tsp. salt
  • ½ cup ice cream (I used Oreo ‘cause it’s badass, but use whatever)
  • ¼ cup peanut butter

Top:

  • ½ cup cashews
  • 1 ½ tbsp. brown sugar

To make the base:

Melt butter into sugar and beat until mixed. Add the egg and beat again. In another bowl, blend the flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt. Add slowly to the butter/sugar mixture, stirring as you add. After all this is done, dump in your vanilla and stir once more.
As in the previous cookie recipe, you’re going to have to store this in the fridge for a bit. Get some cling film, roll the dough into a ball, wrap it tightly with the film, and stick it in the freezer for half an hour or so.

While it’s chilling out, go ahead and make the ice cream cookie (and get your oven preheating to 350°):
Melt butter into sugar and beat until mixed. Add the egg and beat again. Add both the ice cream and the peanut butter at once and blend slowly until everything is an amalgamated nasty looking thing (yes, it will look pretty gross). Slowly stir in flour, baking powder, and salt. I really guesstimated on the amount of flour I used, so here’s a picture of the consistency you’re going to want:

It’s also going to feel like a dead squid. This is okay.

Now that a half-hour has passed (maybe?), take your cornmeal dough out of the freezer. It’s going to be super crumbly, but you’re going to want to flatten out little portions of it large enough so you can cookie-cut circles out of them like so:

Put these pieces on a cookie sheet. Then get your ice cream dough and flatten it out as best you can. Like I said, it’s going to feel like some sort of dead sea creature owing to the coldness and consistency of the ice cream, and it may be a bit difficult to roll it out without getting it stuck everywhere, so use copious amounts of flour and cut carefully. I used a slightly smaller round cookie cutter, but the same size as the cornmeal base size works, too. Place the ice cream cookies on top of the cornmeal ones on the cookie sheet.

Now it’s time to beat the crap out of some nuts. Put the cashews in a sealable plastic baggie and sprinkle them with the brown sugar. Shake the baggie a few times to distribute the sugar, then pulverize the nuts with a spoon/rolling pin/mental powers until they’re broken up but not powdery. Sprinkle them atop the cookie layers and bake for about 12 minutes.

Yay! I think my favorite part of these is the fact that there are three different consistencies going on.

And, you know, cornmeal.

 

 

Today’s song: You Make Me Happy by Lindsey Ray

Life lessons and AWESOME COOKIES

It’s Canadian Thanksgiving today. NO CAMPUS FOR ME!

Anyway, today’s life lessons are as follows:
1. I should not be allowed around cornmeal.
2. I should not be allowed to “experiment.” My kitchen now looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy used it as a toilet.

Today’s AWESOME COOKIES are as follows:
I had a bunch of random ingredients left over from various cooking endeavors, so I decided what I could to with them all. These cookies are the result. I must say, they’re a lot better than I expected them to be. I shall take them to the office tomorrow and distribute them freely, I think.

I call them chocolate crunch cornbread cookies and they look like this:

What you will need:

Cookie base

  • ½ cup butter (one stick)
  • ½ cup sugar
  • ¼ tsp. salt
  • 2 egg yolks
  • ½ cup cornmeal
  • 1 ¼ cups all-purpose flour

Chocolate stuff

  • ¼ cup cashews
  • ¼ cup Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal
  • 2 packets of chocolate Pocky (about 15 sticks)
  • 4 tbsp. peanut butter (chunky or smooth, your choice)

Note: the base was adapted from this site. I don’t like lemon or cranberries, hence why they’re absent from my ingredient list, plus I don’t think the chocolate would taste good with the cranberries, but what do I know?

OKAY, steps!

1. Soften butter and mix with sugar. Stir in the salt and egg yolks and beat until just mixed. Add the cornmeal and flour and mix until everything’s pretty evenly amalgamated. It should still be a bit crumbly.

2. Dump the mixture onto a cutting board (or whatever you’ve got) and get yourself some cling film. Roll the dough out gently (it’ll crumble fairly easily) into a tube shape until it’s smooth and delightfully phallic. Wrap it in the cling film and twist the edges like you’re making a giant sausage. You want the dough nice and compact so you can cut it up later.

3. Put the giant penis rolled dough in the freezer for about 45 minutes. While it’s chilling out, you can make the chocolate stuff! Combine the cashews, cereal, and Pocky (break the pocky in half first, it’s easier that way) in a sealable baggie.

4. Now just beat the hell out of it. I used my “grad school is destroying my soul” frustration augmented with the back of a spoon. Try to get the nuts totally pulverized, but if you want a few larger chunks of Pocky and cereal, that’s cool. I realized after I was done with this whole endeavor that grinding these ingredients into a coarse powder would probably work best, but I have no such apparatus for accomplishing that (and I’m too lazy to beat a baggie with a spoon for an extended period of time), so I just left it kinda chunky.

5. Dump the contents of the baggie into a bowl and add the peanut butter. Microwave for about 40 seconds and stir. This’ll melt the peanut butter so it’s manageable as well as the chocolate on the Pocky. You should get something gross-looking like this:

6. After the 45 minutes are up, take your dough out of the freezer and get slicin’! I cut mine into ½ inch slices, and that seemed to work fine. Now’s a good time to preheat your oven to 350° F.

7. Spread the chocolate concoction liberally onto the tops of the cookie slices. It should hold together fairly well, so don’t worry too much about getting it everywhere. However, if you went the “I don’t have a food chopper” route, make sure you don’t have any sharp Pocky sticks poking out. ‘Cause they hurt like hell.

8. Place the cookies on an ungreased pan and cook for 15 minutes.

Yay! Now you have tasties. These taste a lot better than they look, trust me. I got about 20 or so cookies out of this recipe. Enjoy!

 

Today’s song: My Philosophy by Holiday Parade

Choco Leibniz: The Best of All Possible Cookies

And if any of you get that joke, freaking congratulations, ’cause no one else has gotten it yet, save Sean.

Holy crap, you guys, you’ll never guess what I found!

So as a break from the insanity that is my Spring Break (at least it’s winding down a little, I think), my mom and I went up to Spokane for the day. Whenever we go to Spokane we make sure to visit Auntie’s bookstore, mainly because it actually has a good selection of books (unlike Hastings) and because you can actually buy things from there (unlike the library, to whom I apparently owe $161, but more on that later).

Today I had the pleasure of finding the book Calculus Wars, which basically describes the entirety of Newton’s and Leibniz’s feud over which one of them first invented* calculus. The fact that I’m reading a book about calculus proves how into Leibniz I really am, people.

But this isn’t the big thing of the day. I thought to myself when I got home, “you need to get some books on Leibniz, woman!” So I got online (Amazon.com), and typed in “Leibniz.”

This is what I found. This was like the fourth item down:

OMG!!

I am so incredibly amazed. I want these cookies. Like, now. I will do anything for these cookies.

In fact, I was so enthralled that I looked them up on Wikipedia. This is what I read:
“The brand name
Leibniz comes from the philosopher and mathematician Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz. The only connection between man and biscuit is that Leibniz was one of the more famous residents of Hanover, where the company is based. At the time when the biscuit was first made, there was a fashion for arbitrarily naming products after famous people.”

Dear god, that is funny. I’m so getting my hands on these cookies.

And I could make so many jokes about them with regards to Leibniz’ philosophy, you don’t even want to know.

*Now here’s a thing I’m wondering: they use the verb invented to describe the introduction of the use of calculus. If mathematics (specifically, calculus) is a tool for understanding the universe, if it is the key that we have for unlocking all understanding of all things, why do they say we invented it? Shouldn’t they say, if math indeed explains the fundamental workings of all we could possibly need to understand, that we discovered it, since a tool that explains how things work should already exist and not have to be invented, just discovered? Just a thought…