Tag Archives: break-up lines

It’s all in the way you look at it, I swear!

Haha, these are great. I can’t remember where I found them, but they’re great.

 

PHILOSOPHER BREAK-UP LINES
-Leibniz: It’d be for the best if we broke up.
-Hegel: The thesis is we’re breaking down. The antithesis is to fix it up. The synthesis is…we’re breaking up.
-Solipsist: You think the world revolves around you!
-Dualist: My body says yes, but my heart says no!
-Plato: Uh, of course we aren’t a couple. I’m Plato! Our relationship is stricly platonic!
-Utilitarian: It’d be better for both of us if I just left.
-Popper: Inductively, I thought I loved you and only you. Deductively, screwing your sister proved that false.
-Descartes: A relationship does not think, therefore our relationship is not.
-Zeno: We are too distant.
-Theist: I can’t explain why I want to break up with you. Therefore, God did it.
-Sartre: I am sick of you.
-Occam: I wasn’t enough for you, huh? You needed a man with a beard, too! The guy doesn’t even own a razor! We’re over! I won’t be multiplying entities with YOU anytime soon!
-Derrida: We’re too “differant”.
-Libertarian/Economic Conservative: This relationship is much too taxing.
-Intelligent Design Theorist: Some things about evolution confuse me. Therefore we’re breaking up.
-Materialist: Love doesn’t “matter” to you.
-Determinist: It just wasn’t meant to be!
-Marxist: This relationship is just an ideological construct designed to repress my class conciousness! Monogamy is an invention of capitalist swine!
-Nietzsche: We are “over, man”.
-Kant: My proposed maxim was to love you. But I could not will to universalize this maxim and have everyone love you, otherwise you’d be cheating on me. Therefore, it is my duty not to love you!
-Logical Positivist: Our love never meant anything–the word “love” has no meaningful content, after all!

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