Do you remember those nights when you got to stay up late after your parents went to bed? Do you remember when Cartoon Network went off the air (prior to Adult Swim being a thing) and having to find something else on TV to entertain yourself with?
If so, I’m sure you remember this:
This immediately brought me back to Saturday nights at my dad’s old condo. It was infomercials, Early Edition, or Baywatch once my dad went to bed.
I have absolutely no idea what would cause my brain to insert Adam Sandler into my dream, but here we are
So we’re back to the “WTF” dreams now, brain, is that how it is?
Last night’s dream was…odd. Lemme ‘splain.
In this dream, I’m both watching a movie with Nate and actually in the movie as part of the story (sorta). And this movie, as I keep mentioning to Dream Nate in the dream, is a 90s comedy.
And as everyone knows, a 90s comedy is not complete without Adam Sandler. This dream had Adam Sandler. It also had basically every 90s comedy trope you could think of, starting with the plot.
The plot of this fantastic film was as follows: Adam Sandler (I’m sure he had a character name, but hell if I know what it was) is hired to work in a temporary, week-long job at a goose farm, “Dirty Jobs”-style. He has to do all the dirty work as far as taking care of the geese. Since it was a 90s comedy, you can probably take a guess that things got pretty gross. And pretty screwed up, because Adam Sandler.
Side characters to this hilarious escapade include:
- Tammy and Slammy, two ladies whose entire purposes for existence seem to be to play off of each other in order to make each scene EVEN MORE HILARIOUS. There was one scene where they were looking at a conveyor belt that was used to transport the geese around the farm and Tammy was like, “this looks unstable, maybe the geese might get hurt” and Slammy responded, “no, what’s the worst that could happen?” (this was her response to every concern Tammy brought up during the dream movie) and then immediately dropped a beer into the conveyor belt gears, causing the belt to speed up to like 200 mph and subsequently cause geese to CATAPULT EVERYWHERE.
- The owner of the goose farm, your stereotypical farm hick dude from Al-uh-bama who carried pitchfork everywhere and continually chewed tobacco.
- And myself, who was mostly there to break the fourth wall and comment, “this is such a 90s comedy movie” every five minutes or so.
And if you’re not already feeling the extreme 90s comedy vibes just oozing out of this setup, let me describe to you some of the more minute details.
- The farm owner never really did anything except to comment about how gross the geese were. After each of these comments, he would subsequently do something extremely gross himself, like poop his pants or spit up a wad of chewing tobacco the size of a baseball or start peeing all over someone’s shoes.
- The geese (who were white and were probably actually swans now that I think about it) were “stored” in the river next to a bridge. They were kind of all stacked up as if someone had neatly packed them together. Some of the geese were anchored to the bridge by their butts and had to be rotated by Adam Sandler so they wouldn’t get “too stuck” to get free on their own.
- Adam Sandler was supposed to feed the geese but gave them helium instead (???), resulting in XTREME GOOSE FLATULENCE. Because 90s comedy.
- At one point, the farmer dude asks Adam Sandler to power wash the butt-suctioned geese off the bridge. Sandler accomplishes this by taking the goose that was Most Flatulent of Them All™ and using that goose’s mighty farts to fartwash the bridge free of geese.
Yeah. It was…odd. And detailed, clearly.
Edit: ADAM SANDLER IS 52 YEARS OLD NOW WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL
The 90s vibes are real.
That dancing, though. Seriously bringing me back to 4th/5th grade when boy bands like this were super in. I still remember my friends and I arguing over whether NSYNC or the Backstreet Boys were better.
(NSYNC is totally better.)
This song is legit, though.