I was a weird child.
Proof:
Parking lot attack by mullet girl! Be afraid.
Here’s another picture of me apparently being a raptor. My grandma’s got that “what is wrong with this child?” look on her face.
And here’s a picture of me on a rock on Kamiak Butte, just being silly. I loved that shirt more than life itself.
Haha, sorry, I just randomly found these pics this afternoon.
Boring blog
I hate those days where everything’s going great, and then all of a sudden you get this extreme onset of anxiety regarding the rest of your life. Like, to the point where you don’t see the point of going forward because every possible direction you can think of for yourself seems like such an effort that there hardly seems to be a point to it all.
Whyyyyyyyyy does this happen daily all of a sudden?
Blah.
Enough of this nonsense
Anybody who knows me knows I don’t deviate from my schedule unless for a drastic reason.
The fact that I considered my actually getting out of bed this morning a miracle akin to Jesus rising from the dead, I counted that as a drastic reason.
That’s right. I, Claudia, almost stayed in bed and abandoned my commitments.
After going to the doctor this morning I said “screw life” and went home.
That’s right. I, Claudia, didn’t go to campus.
Had to go for a run, ‘cause not going to campus meant not going to the rec center.
Had to research, ‘cause if I get behind on that I might as well quit.
But after those two necessary tasks, I played Fallout for three hours then passed out in bed for a stint.
That’s right. I, Claudia, essentially took a nap.
THIS STUFF DOESN’T HAPPEN, PEOPLE.
Remainder of the evening involved a shower, freaking awesome pasta and broccoli, M&Ms, and really, really good music.
Will life as I know it return tomorrow?
STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!
HOLY CRAP I’M HYPER.
My current level of frustration can be expressed as follows:
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Times 1,000.
I am a worthless human being.
It’s one of those days where I feel like curling up somewhere and dying.
That is all.
There’s a tunnel! And there’s a light at the end of it!
GOD what a weird week.
You know that “waiting on news, possibly good, possibly bad” statement I made about a week ago?”
Yeah. Got some of that today. It was good.
Very good.
How good? Let’s just say I don’t have any reason to stay in Vancouver once my thesis is taken care of.
That’s all I’m going to say about it right now. Ultra happies, though.
I also scalded about 40% of my tongue with ultra-hot tea this morning. ‘Cause I’m a genius like that.
I’m not dead
Like anyone would care either way, but there it is.
Still want to curl up in a hole for the rest of eternity, but what’re you gonna do?
Deactivated Facebook account because Facebook is dumb.
Not on Messenger because…well, because.
Desire to chug about 50 Red Bulls is high. Too bad I’ve only got two left.
Waiting for news, possibly good, possibly bad.
Yay for Futurama.
Well.
See you all tomorrow.
These will stop sucking when I stop feeling like I’ve got fireworks going off in my brain.
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFGO AWAY
God, what’s wrong with me?
HAHA TRICK QUESTION I’M INSANE
It’s all in my head
It’s all in my head, it’s all in my head, it’s all in my head.
Go away.
Today’s song: Punkb*tch by 3OH!3
Exactly how does one go about kissing the rain?
So as probably none of you know, I recently came into contact with an old friend from 7th grade. It was weird—early last week he randomly popped into my head and I thought, “I wonder what ever happened to Ross?” and then last Thursday I get a call from my dad—Ross had called him (sometimes it’s a good thing when at least someone in my family is able to keep the same phone number for more than 5 years) and dad gave me all his contact info.
Now we’re friends on Facebook and we talk on Messenger on occasion. He’s pretty much exactly the same, which is good to know ‘cause he was blind and insane and really awesome to hang with in 7th grade and is apparently still blind and insane and really awesome to IM.
Apparently I’m still the same, too. We spent the other night talking about the old Knowledge Bowl competitions we “participated in” solely because it meant we got to go to McDonald’s and then goof around on the bus to the competition/at the competition/on the bus back from the competition.
A few more memories passed between us, and then he said this: “You never seemed very happy, still breaks my heart to think about.”
This kinda surprised me. Really? I didn’t ever seem very happy? Back in junior high, when all I had to worry about was stalking Patrick learning how to type and not getting my thumb sawed off in shop class?
I find that very…disconcerting.
Do those of you who know me now find me unhappy? Am I like this harbinger of depression or something? ‘Cause I certainly don’t remember being Emo Central in 7th grade (that was 8th grade, but I was on meds and they killed my soul, among other things) but apparently that’s how I came across. There’s a lot more shit going down in my life right now than there was back then, but aside from the occasional “I HATE MY LIFE” blog—and let’s be honest, who doesn’t have those every once and awhile?—I don’t think I’m all that unhappy-sounding.
Meh. Probably overanalyzing it. I’M GONNA GO WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY NOW WOO!
Today’s song: Vancouver City (featuring Linda Ganzini) by Innerlife Project
Feh.
I need help, but I’m too afraid to get it.
Also, it’s just my luck to move my blogs and then have nothing interesting to talk about.
Today’s song: Highland Cathedral by The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
Claudia Can’t Think of a Title: The Title
God, my brain’s been doing some weird crap lately. I’d like to call some of it déjà vu, but I don’t think that’s what it is. It’s like I get in this weird headspace and the rest of reality kind of pulls away.
That’s not it either, but it’s closer.
I think I’m losing my mind. Just for the record.
Beh.
Today’s song: Yours by Dan Black
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FUCK YOU, EMOTIONS.
Go to hell go to hell go to hell go to hell go to hell.
That is all.
Today’s song: Happy Ending by Mika
If an atomic bomb falls in the forest…
Today’s one of those days where I just want to fall off the planet. Ever have those days?
Don’t they blow chunks?
I’m not the “run away from my problems type,” but sometimes it’s the most appealing option I’ve got.
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ignore this.
Sorry this is short.
Today’s song: Pas Besoin de Frapper by Sylvain Cossette
:D
Woah.
Today was great.
That is all.
Today’s song: Transistors In My Mind by Leisure Alaska
“How do you spell ‘Sobel?'” “B-A-D!”
Jeremy = best stats teacher EVER. Just had to have that known.
Also this. I’ve known Tyler since I was born. He’s the son of one of my mom’s best friends, and as such we used to do a lot of stuff together. So yeah, I got this call this morning. Pretty insane. RIP, Tyler.
Today’s song: Slow Show by The National
Unremarkable
Go away.
Today’s song: First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes
It’s Saturday night: do you know where your sanity is?
Yet another weekend alone with nothing exciting to do.
Solution: self-pity, colored pencils and an extremely detailed drawing that won’t be finished without another 100 hours poured into it, and Cast Away.
Peh.
Today’s song: Sweet Lady by What Made Milwaukee Famous
A letter to “high school me” from “now me”
Dear Claudia (January 2006 version):
Things are about to change. You’re going to finish high school in about five months, you’re going to spend your last summer free of work, and then you’re going to go to college, as planned. You don’t care about college now, and you’re not going to care during your first semester. But you will. You’ll care about it more than you’ve cared about anything in your life, and you’ll be happy later on that you don’t screw up the first semester, or quit like you were so tempted to do.
You’re going to change your major. You’re going to change your major at least eight times before you finally find what you’re truly interested in, so don’t get too attached to the psychology/theatre/music triple major. You’re not going to fight the desire to change or to take classes outside of what you’re currently supposed to be taking. Each class will lead you to the path on which you want to be.
You’re going to meet a lot of different people from a lot of different backgrounds. Some of them will be people you’ll remember for the rest of your life, and you’ll later regret how little time you’ve spent with them in college. But you won’t regret the fact that you were so focused on your studies.
You’re going to end up loving what you once hated. I know this may come as a shock to you right now, but it’s true. Philosophy will no longer be the worthless waste of time you think it is now, and math and statistics will no longer intimidate you (except for algebra—you’ll still hate algebra). In fact, these will become the things you live for in a few years.
You will love, but you will not be loved back. You will be loved, but you will not love back. And as tempting as it will be to rush things with a certain person, you will resist the urge. Patience, kindness, and being a good and reliable friend will get you both to the desired outcome. Trust me. These may be some of the most confusing emotions you experience, but you won’t let them deter you from your goals.
Near the end of your first year in college, you’re going to start hearing things that aren’t there. You’re going to be scared, you’re going to feel distracted, and you’re going to be medicated. Again. But you’re going to take yourself off of them. Again. Spring 2008 will be the highlight of your college career in all aspects of your life. It may not feel that way when you’re looking forward from 2007, but it will be.
You’re going to work hard and graduate a year and a half ahead of schedule with a 4.0 and a degree you couldn’t care less about. Then you’re going to graduate again in the spring with both a degree and a minor you adore. You’re going to barely get into grad school, and though you’ll be glad to leave Moscow, you’ll wish that you could spend a little bit more time with the things with which you’ve grown comfortable.
You’re going to go to Canada for grad school and you’re going to hate your first semester. You’re going to hate it so much that you seriously consider quitting at least five times—to the point where you’ve stood outside the Registrar’s office with the intent to withdraw yourself from the program.
But you’re not going to quit, at least the first semester. Trust me. As bad as it gets, you somehow reason yourself into staying. You will get A’s in all of your graduate classes, but that won’t be enough to convince you to stay. You’re going to go home for Christmas break, and you’re going to wonder if you should even go back.
And right now, I really, really wish I could tell you if you’re going to make the right decision, or what the right decision is. You’ve trusted your intuition so far and it’s gotten you where you’ve wanted to be…but in this case, I can assure you that you won’t really know what your intuition is.
All I can say is that you should wait. Wait and see what happens. Because honestly, I have no idea how it’s going to go down.
I wish I could help you, but I can’t. After all, I’m just you. Not very helpful, is it?
Good luck,
Claudia (December 2009 version)
Ouch
Well, that was the most depressing study session ever.
So we spent six hours this afternoon “studying” for the big stats exam tomorrow. In those six hours, I learned:
– I am the youngest person here by about a year and a half
– I’m the only one without a significant other
– Everybody else seems to be a lot further along in life (aside from the school aspect) than me
– Aside from being in grad school, I am very, very different from these people
Yeah. It doesn’t sound that bad when it’s written down, but six hours of other people telling you about their lovers and their relationships kind of sucks when you’re the only one in the room who’s very, very lonely.
Eigenblogger 