LOL A STATES-BASED SURVEY


I AM FEELING VERY SAD BUT ALSO VERY HYPER AND MUST INJECT SURVEYS INTO MY BLOODSTREAM TO LIVE BYE BYE FOLKS

Alabama: Do you like the movie Forrest Gump?
I do. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, though.

Alaska: Would you rather deal with 30 days of day or 30 days of night?
30 days of day. Get that darkness nonsense out of here, I’ll sleep when I’m DEAD
(I could actually sleep in any degree of sunlight, though, so that wouldn’t be an issue.)

Arizona: Can you handle heat well?
Not particularly, but I think I do better with it than with cold. At least it rarely gets super hot up here in Calgary.

Arkansas: What are your opinions on Bill Clinton?
Personal/relationship issues, but a good president overall.

California: Who is your favorite actor? Favorite actress?
My current favorite actor is Adam Arkin, because I’m still coming down off the high that was the short-lived run of Chicago Hope on YesTV up here and I absolutely love him in that. I don’t have a favorite actress.

Colorado: Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization?
I don’t, and I think medical marijuana should be legalized. Don’t really care about recreational weed.
Also, FUN FACT: when I was a kid, my friends and I thought “smoking weed” meant literally smoking weeds, like the kind you’d find in your yard. So sometimes on the playground we’d go pick some weeds and roll them up and pretend to smoke them to be cool. D.A.R.E. clearly did nothing for us.

Connecticut: Have you ever had a school shooting at your school?
Nope. We were on lockdown once in junior high, but that was right after 9/11 and I think it was just to be super cautious about some sketchy dude wandering around the school parking lot. At U of C they found a bunch of guns stashed behind a ceiling tile, but no shootings or anything ever happened.

Delaware: Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower?
A bit of both.

Florida: Have you ever been to Disney World?
Nope. Disneyland was a frequent stop of mine when I went to visit my grandma and grandpa in California, though.

Georgia: Would you consider yourself a southern belle?
Hahahahahaha…no.

Hawaii: What would be paradise for you?
Being able to walk (and run) as much as I wanted to every day. Being able to continue to teach stats/math. Cats everywhere.

Idaho: What is your favorite way to eat a potato?
(Of course it’s a potato question)
Either French fries or mashed potatoes.

Illinois: Did you vote for President Obama (or would you have)?
I did. Twice!

Indiana: Do you like corn?
Eh. Corn on the cob is good. Cornbread is good. That’s about it.

Iowa: Are roses your favorite flower?
I don’t have a favorite flower.
(WHY DIDN’T THIS STATE GET THE CORN QUESTION)

Kansas: Do you like the Tin Man, Scarecrow or Cowardly Lion better?
I always liked the Tin Man. I’m like that kid in “A Christmas Story.”

Kentucky: Have you ever been to a horse race?
Nope. No desire to, either.

Louisiana: Have you ever celebrated Mardi Gras?
Not in any serious way, no.

Maine: Do you like lobster?
Crab is infinitely better. Lobster is chewy and weird-tasting.

Maryland: Have you ever been to Washington DC?
Yup! I went when I was in…9th grade? 10th grade? I don’t remember it very well, though, because I got some serious heat stroke while there.

Massachusetts: Are you smart enough to go to Harvard?
No idea. Never applied. Probably not.

Michigan: Have you ever swam in a lake?
Yup. Lake Coeur d’Alene. So…probably shouldn’t have done that. Heavy Metal City.

Minnesota: Have you seen Drop Dead Gorgeous?
Nope.

Mississippi: Do you follow college football?
Only the Vandals, and only loosely.

Missouri: Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts?
Probably. I WAS in marching band.

Montana: What is the greatest treasure you have ever found?
I found a $50 bill by a bus stop once?

Nebraska: Do you eat beef?
(Is Nebraska known for its beef?)
(Did the survey maker get to Nebraska and go “oh shit, we already used the corn question, what the hell else is in Nebraska? Cows? Probably cows.)
ANYWAY.
I don’t eat much meat in general, but beef is good.

Nevada: Are you good at card games?
Not particularly.

New Hampshire: What are your views on gay marriage?
Who freaking CARES, let a person get married to the person they love!

New Jersey: Do you watch The Jersey Shore?
No.

New Mexico: Would you consider yourself a hippie?
Not really.

New York: Have you ever been to New York City? Would you like to?
I’ve never been there. I’d like to go, but I’d also be absolutely terrified there, I think.

North Carolina: Are the Panthers your favorite football team?
Of the…three NFL teams I can name without Googling “NFL teams” or asking Nate or asking my mom, the Panthers are not one of them. So…no.

North Dakota: Have you seen Fargo?
Nope.

Ohio: Did you watch The Drew Carey Show?
I watched it occasionally with my dad when it was on. Cleveland rocks!

Oklahoma: What is your favorite musical?
The Music Man. That counts, right?

Oregon: Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game?
Hahaha, yes indeed. My sole mission every time I played was to acquire as much bacon as possible.

Pennsylvania: Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia?
Yup!

Rhode Island: Who is the smallest person you know?
My friend Jade from high school. Or Nicole from elementary school.

South Carolina: Do you think Aziz Ansari is funny?
I only vaguely know who that is.

South Dakota: Who is more interesting: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln?
Teddy was pretty badass, but Jefferson seemed to be a very interesting person from the little I know about him.

Tennessee: Who is your favorite country singer?
I don’t listen to enough country music to have a favorite country singer.

Texas: Do you like barbecue or Tex-Mex better?
Neither.

Utah: Do you know anyone who is Mormon?
Yup! I know a few people who are Mormon, actually.

Vermont: Do you get the full autumnal colors in the fall where you live?
Yup.

[WHERE IS VIRGINIA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DID WEST VIRGINIA EAT IT?!?!?!?!?]

Washington: Do you like grunge?
No.

West Virginia: Do you like the mountains?
West Virginia is not a valid state.

Wisconsin: What’s your favorite kind of cheese?
Colby-Jack. No contest.

Wyoming: Do you love westerns?
Not particularly.

What sayest thou? Speak!

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