How the Shit is it Still Only March?


It’s another one of these survey doodads, hip-hip-hooray.

1. If there’s a personal god, what quality would you most like that person to have (and why)?
Can…can they just be Leibniz? If so, that.

2. What’s your death-row meal?
Souls.

3. Assuming we make it through this outbreak with minimal loss of life, what do you think our big takeaway should be?
Don’t hide the severity of a medical emergency, no matter how bad it makes your country look.

4. Whom do you find yourself missing more than you would’ve predicted?
Sean. I really miss Sean.

5. What brings you the most joy? Not happiness, not contentment — JOY.
Not much brings me joy anymore. Hell, I can’t think of anything that consistently brings me joy right now.

6. Do you find yourself regretting anything you’ve said or done on social media?
Pfft. I regret nothing. P.S., if you go far enough back in this blog, you’ll find some primo r/IAmVerySmart material.

7. What are your favorite and least favorite things about your body and face?
Favorite: nothing
Least favorite: everything
I’m not kidding.

9. How’s the self-isolation affecting your libido?
Hah. What libido?

10. Which three places in the physical universe would you most like to visit?
The sun, Antarctica, Hanover. I know those are pretty “close” given the whole physical universe, but hey. I don’t like to travel.

11. On whom did you have a crush years ago? Have you ever told them?
We all know the Lead saga. We don’t need to go through the Lead saga.

12. How have your religious views changed since you were in high school?
Not at all.

13. If you could change one law, what would it be?
People should be promptly ticketed for not taking care of their sidewalks in the winter. I know there are laws – sort of – that are supposed to motivate people to clean snow/ice/slush off their sidewalks, but I truly think that they should be enforced to the same degree as things like speeding tickets, parking tickets, etc. Think of it this way: if cities waited as long to clean off portions of roads as some people wait to clear their sidewalks, think what a big fit everyone would raise?

What sayest thou? Speak!

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