I’m writing a musical. It’s called “Fuck You, U of I” and features such show-stopping hits as:

• “The ‘I’ Stands for ‘Incompetence’”
• “This Class is Required to Graduate but is Only Offered Once a Decade”
• “We Have No Money, so Let’s Renovate the Kibbie Dome!”
• “Oh, We Promised You a Job? Sorry, You Out of Luck, Bro!”
• “Fuck Bitches, Acquire Debt”
• “Oops, We Lost Your Tuition Check!”
• The Ballad of the Athletes on Academic Probation (Alternate Title: “Blame the Profs!”)
• “We Have No Money, so Let’s Renovate the Kibbie Dome!” (Redux)

Every damn year with this place, man. Every. Damn. Year.