Holy Crapples


Oh my god.

There’s an article on Leibniz on Uncyclopedia.

The whole thing is a Leibniz/Newton slashfest.

  • “He was born with extremely long and poofy hair, which he wore to bed every night and named ‘Poof.'”
  • “The mathematician Isaac Newton fell in love with Leibniz when he discovered this divine hair, nicknaming him ‘Gotthair.'”
  • “He enjoyed sex, tapdancing, walking his headdress, keeping frogs in his pocket, drinking, and keeping frogs in his headdress.”
  • “Newton fell desperately in love with Leibniz, and ferociously stalked him. Leibniz, however, was not interested in Newton’s inferior and less poofy hair.”
  • “Leibniz’s troubles of giving us this divine truth was due to the threat of Netwon’s sex drive. Leibniz was never able to sit down long enough to write more than a couple of pages before Newton found him again.”
  • “Leibniz and Poof relentlessly attempted to avoid Newton’s calculus seduction, which began the series of violent battles known as the Calculus Wars.”
  • “It has been theorized that Leibniz’s unique ability to rise from the dead is attributable to Poof’s power level being over 9,000!”

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD.

 

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