Poor Aneel (sequel to “30 short reasons why I need a life”)


Haha, I did it again. Here are more fun posts for Aneel to ponder!

 

Claudia Mahler wrote
Why would you ever think I post on your wall too much?
I just don’t understand…

Claudia Mahler wrote
Haha, I’m glad you like my insane posting habits. I’ll bet it annoys everyone else who posts, though.
But that’s my appeal. (Note: Claudia’s appeal costs $50/hour. Cash only. Small bills preferred.)

Claudia Mahler wrote
Haha…drafting overdose.
At least it’s not heroin or something.
Unless “drafting” has become some sort of hip new word for “heroin.”
You’d better check yourself into rehab, young man!

Claudia Mahler wrote
I just realized that I start most of my wall posts with the phrase “haha” (or some variation of it). WTF?

Claudia Mahler wrote
Ahoy-hoy! Here is a birthday present for you! I almost picked the fancy undies, but I figured you already had a pair. So I chose the whipped cream/cherry. Kinky, eh? Happy birthday!

Claudia Mahler wrote
Wow…I haven’t written on your wall for, what, 48 hours? What the hell?! I’m slipping!

Claudia Mahler wrote
Must..
.maintain…wall…dominance…

Claudia Mahler wrote
Must…refrain…from…overusing…ellipses…

Claudia Mahler wrote
Must…get…a…date…

Claudia Mahler wrote
Or…at least…a rubberband…with personality…

Claudia Mahler wrote
Must…distract you…from…last…post…

Claudia Mahler wrote
I grow tired of these games! It’s high time we sat down to a good old-fashioned MSN Messenger conversation in which you abandon your computer for a good hour while I feverishly peck out some 18th-century oriented conversation about zodiac signs, gynecologists, and row-row-row your boat!
…I think this is the most meaningful message I’ve ever left you.

Claudia Mahler wrote
Did you know 3 out of 3 doctors recommend me for a good boredom cure?

Claudia Mahler wrote
Did you also know that I have been shown in clinical studies to prevent herpes?

Claudia Mahler wrote
I think doctors need to re-evaluate their clinical studies. It’s like those toothbrushes. Who’s that one doctor who EVERY DAMN TIME says, “hell no! I won’t recommend this product! I’m a sourpuss and I want the world to know it! I’ve got a horse chestnut up my butt and it’s making me cranky! I’m Rube Goldberg!”

Claudia Mahler wrote
Did you ever stop to think that your whole life could be put on stage one day in the future? Who do you think would play you?

Claudia Mahler wrote
I think William Shatner would play me.

Claudia Mahler wrote
I <3 William Shatner.

Claudia Mahler wrote
I think MySpace Tom would play you.
No offense, or anything.

Claudia Mahler wrote
I think I need some serious psychiatric help. I may perform self-analysis once I’m certified.
I’ll analyze you for free, of course.
With “free” being read as “$200/hr, $50 extra every time you say the word “cars.”

Claudia Mahler wrote
I know someone who hasn’t written on my wall since the 27th…
His name starts with an “A” and ends with a “neel”…
And no, it’s not Alfred Berneel.

Claudia Mahler wrote
Hooray!
Okay, now I promise not to mass-comment on your wall until…hm…the 20th.

What sayest thou? Speak!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: