Claudia’s Top 5 Sexiest Men of the Enlightenment
Here are five instances where beauty and brains do occur simultaneously. Also, I adore the fashion of this era.
(2-years-later-retrospective-observation: HOLY CRAP, I posted this on Leibniz’ birthday!)
1. This man wears the best of all possible wigs, and he wears it well. Leibniz did everything—mathematics, linguistics, philosophy, logic, engineering, law, natural science—you name a topic, he probably dabbled in it. Polymathy is hot, and so are ostentatious wigs.
Eye candy AND brain candy.
2. Anyone who knows me knows that I think Voltaire is the sexiest man ever to live. I slobbered all over Candide when I first read it, and I see it as a proof of God that such wit could be combined with such good looks.
He can satire his way into my heart any day.
3. It feels fundamentally wrong to me to have Leibniz and Newton inhabiting the same list, but you have to admit—the guy looks badass. Setting aside the calculus issue, there are very few things Newton can’t take at least some credit for in the world of science. Plus, he shoved a darning needle behind his eye and moved it around to see if it distorted his vision. That’s dedication.
“I am the CALCULATOR…I will divide you by zero!”
4. Hume has a very confident look about him. And why shouldn’t he? After all, he did—single-handedly—take down the notions of induction and causation. And he did it while looking good. That jacket looks very sexy on him.
The missing shade of awesome.
5. I don’t know much about this attractive young man named d’Alembert, but he apparently studied vibrating strings, which sounds (no pun intended) really cool. He did argue, incorrectly, that the probability of a coin landing heads increased with each time it landed tails, but since that seems like common sense to most people, I can respect that.
“Mmm…strings.”
Yeah.
Waiter! There’s a quadriplegic in my Jazzercise class!
What’s up with me and the quadriplegic/paraplegic jokes? Anyway, down to business!*
*none of this should be taken seriously. Seriously.
An Exposition on Paleontology In Which Several Points Must Be Made
Point 1: In Which Is Written A Strongly-Worded Letter To Jack London
Dear Mr. London,
Having just read your short story “To Build a Fire,” I have several questions regarding the coldness of the territory in which your character, “the man,” was wandering about.
Repeated six times in 11 pages is some variation of the phrase, “it was cold.” Your exact words are:
“It certainly was cold, he concluded”,
“Once in a while the thought reiterated itself that it was very cold”,
“It certainly was cold”,
“It certainly was cold, was his thought”,
“There was no mistake about it, it was cold”, and
“It certainly was cold, was his thought”.
On completion of this story I found that there might be some confusion over whether or not it was cold in this Alaskan territory. Other readers and I would benefit greatly if you were to state clearly—on multiple occasions, perhaps, even repeating yourself—how cold it actually was (that is, if it was cold at all).
Thank you in advance,
Sir Isaac Newton (not that one, a different one).
Point 2: In Which The Riddle Of The Double-Dream-Marriage To William Shatner Is Discussed
Dear Brain,
It has come to my attention that you, on more occasions than one, have found it rather humorous to have me marry William Shatner in my dreams. This has occurred now both in the months of February and March.
While William Shatner is indeed a dignified character, and while we both share several similar activities and hobbies, such as appearing in Kellog’s All-Bran cereal commercials on the side (thank you, Wikipedia), I do feel it is time for a change.
I would appreciate it, my dear Brain, if you would delve into the past a bit, and conjure up images of Voltaire, Descartes, or Locke. Seeing as how Voltaire is the only man who dared show a smirk in his portraits, I would prefer him.
Oh Brain, how I wish for Voltaire in my dreams tonight.
Thank you in advance,
Me (you know me, don’t you?).
Point 3: In Which My Severe Aversion To Romanticism And My Longing To Return To The Study Of The Enlightenment Is Discussed
Dear English Department,
While I realize how necessary it is to delve into all forms and time periods of English literature, I do strongly recommend that we return to the study of the Enlightenment. It is so much more intriguing and enchanting than Romanticism. While Frankenstein’s creation and Rousseau’s raunchy “Confessions” do it for some, others, like myself, prefer the wit of Voltaire and the steady reasoning logic of Descartes.
Please see Point 2 above, disregarding the first part about Mr. Shatner.
Thank you in advance,
Some Random Student.
I Heart Descartes
I’m not usually the type of person who goes around saying, “I heart [insert name here],” but I found it necessary in this case, seeing as how it rhymes. Anyway…
Huttah!
I totally own the Enlightenment (well, I owned our test on the Enlightenment)!
I love the Enlightenment, but I’m not so enthused about Romanticism. It’s boring and nature-y. Blah.
And here’s something else…I just realized that I have a really violent name. I have the “claw” in Claudia and the “maul” in Mahler. It would be a rockin’ name if I become a serial killer someday. Bwahahaha…
Mmm…Descartes…
Though I probably won’t post my blogs until…oh…let’s say next Wednesday, I just wanted to explain why I haven’t been keeping up. In my lit class we’ve been deeply involved in…oh, what’s it called…oh yeah! THE ENGLIGHTENMENT!
I must say, I like it. I like it a lot. But today we had our test and now we’re moving on to Romanticism (ugh.).
So let the good times roll! Blogs will be appearing soon!
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