“Historical Figures I Would Marry: An In-Depth Study”
Finished my studying/homework early. Sitting here watching a PBS documentary on hippopotami. Chatting with Nick. And blaming Nick for what’s to come in this blog.
I was planning on having a nice, quiet, philosophical discussion with him tonight, but that plan backfired faster than a hunting trip with Dick Cheney, so instead I bring you this:
Historical Figures I Would Marry: An In-Depth Study*
1. Voltaire
Top 3 Reasons
1. He’s witty
2. He criticized the Catholic Church
3. Satire is sexy
Advantages
-The conversation! Think of it!
-Letters to each other! Letters to each other!
Disadvantages
-He seems the type to be difficult to get a straight answer out of
2. Socrates (this is based off of Plato’s interpretation of Socrates in his writings)
Top 3 Reasons
1. He died for his beliefs. That’s dedication, people.
2. He taught Plato!
3. He claimed to have a divine voice in his head.
Advantages
-We could talk forever.
Disadvantages
-He’d probably question everything I’d say. That would get old.
3. Rousseau
Top 3 Reasons
1. “Penpal” to Voltaire!
2. Basically came up with the autobiography.
3. “The Social Contract!”
Advantages
-Oh, I think we’d have fun.
Disadvantages
-I think the whole “Romanticism” thing would get to me after awhile.
4. Plato
Top 3 Reasons
1. Oh, come on, he’s Plato!
2. Philosopher.
3. Writer.
Advantages
-Oh, the rhetoric!
Disadvantages
-Our relationship would probably be strictly platonic.
5. Freud
Top 3 Reasons
1. He’s the father of psychoanalysis. I mean, come on.
2. He analyzed EVERYTHING.
3. Have you read The Interpretation of Dreams? Wow.
Advantages
-Again, think of the conversation!
-We could collaborate on things.
Disadvantages
-Neither one of us would ever shut up. Seriously.
6. Millard Fillmore
Top 3 Reasons
1. Best president ever.
2. Last words = “the nourishment is palatable.”
3. In the election of 1856 he won one of the highest popular vote percentages of any third-party candidate.
Advantages
-My goodness, everything!
Disadvantages
-None, if you don’t mind never being remembered. Ever.
Yeah. I should have gone with Matt, Lindsey, and Gary for movies.
*not nearly as in-depth as it could be, so be thankful for that. And there are only six.
“But I’m Socrates!”
Man, what a weird dream I had last night. This is how it goes:
I’m standing in a room with about 20 other people–one of which is Alan and one of which is Aneel. Alan is meditating. Aneel is sewing drapes. I walk over to Aneel and ask, “Is that the right kind of thread for that fabric?” and he answered, “Hitler would approve.” Alan started calling me “Socrates”.
Then the dream shifted to a hill–I think it was in France–and we were all sitting on a quilt. Then it started raining and we all hid under the quilt. However, I pointed out that the quilt was suffocating us not unlike a plastic bag would, and everyone died except for me and Aneel.
We walked to this odd-looking building, which was apparently a police station. Aneel told the cops about everyone dying under the quilt, and one of the cops looked at me and said something along the lines of “death becomes the person who dances with pants of steel” and then, “you will be executed for the murder of 19 people!”
So I shout out, “BUT I’M SOCRATES!” And then I woke up.
Hehe. What a strange dream. I need to stop taking drugs.
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