Cereal mascots have always fascinated me. Many of them are poor, deprived souls who just want to try the product they endorse (but are prevented by kids, circumstance, sugary villains, etc.). Others most certainly have mental issues brought on by the cereal they consume (a certain bird who really enjoys cocoa comes to mind).

And then there’s Cap’n Crunch.

First off, his full name is Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch, which is about as awesome as a name can get for a guy with no neck, a freakish cereal fetish, and who has been stuck at the rank of “Cap’n” for god knows how long. 

Don’t get me started on the commercials. Says Wikipedia, “In modern TV ads, Cap’n Crunch is often seen riding his ship through a wall as the whistle blares.” 

Sooo…Kool-Aid Man of the sea? 

And: “He often comes in the middle of a predicament and uses his cereal to solve the problem at hand by ‘Crunch-a-tizing’ it.”

What I wouldn’t give to have that power.

Lab manager: Oh crap, SPSS is being a bitch (again) and we can’t get these analyses done!
Lab member: Our assignment is due in three hours! What are we to do?!
Me: *breaks down Kenny wall in a ship*
Lab manager: What the hell…?
Me: CRRRRRRUNCHATIZE!
Me: Join me for some high-sea, high-fructose fun!
Lab member: How would that possibly solve our problem?
Me: Cap’n’s orders!
*dumps cereal everywhere*
Lab manager: I doubt you’re a licensed mariner.
Lab member: Where did you get all this cereal?
Me: Set sail for dairy goodness!
*unleashes gallons of milk*
Lab manager: You destroyed my laptop!
Me: OOPS! All Berries! 

Etc. 

Yeah. I think he’s cool. 

Today’s song: The Scientist by Coldplay