Tag Archives: free write

Hey guys, remember me? Yeah, neither do I.

Sometimes freewrites just have to happen.

If you let the words flow, they will. Right now I’m not letting them flow.

I’m charting out a structure in my mind for where this bit of writing will go.

Thus it is not a freewrite.

Sometimes I wish I was a brain in a vat, like in all those old philosophy and psychology questions that everyone has to reluctantly and hesitantly discuss in at least one college class. If I were a brain in a vat, if we were all brains in a vat, things would just happen. Causality would be illusory, as would free will. One thing would happen, and then the next. That’s it. A would not cause B, nor would my decision Q cause B. We wouldn’t be in control. Would that make things simpler or more difficult? I guess it would depend on whether or not we brains in vats argued about the goings on of our vat-populated universe.

I’m very lonely, even though my last typed IM said “kinda lonely.”

I miss you.

I bet we all, at least once in our lives, have wished for a “save” button, something that would freeze our lives in the moment, something that would grant us the safety net of going back and doing things over starting at that point if we decided we took the wrong path the first time.

Brains in vats don’t need save buttons, partially because they wouldn’t be able to physically press them.

If we have, in fact, been granted the power of free will, why does it operate so subconsciously? We only really think about choices when they’re big; otherwise, we seem to fly on automatic pilot.

(I don’t care about your Vista problems, please stop talking about your damn computer).

What was I going to say?

If I had a save button—if I could use it just once—I would use it now. I would press it, then walk away from this. “Goodbye, grad school,” I would say. Maybe then I would go back to Moscow. Or maybe I’d go wherever I desired at the time.

I would go see you and we’d figure something out where we could hang out for at least a few more years. Hopefully I wouldn’t screw things up.

That’s the problem with the idea of the save button. You can only use it once, and if you take option A and screw something up during your risk-taking, you’ll either have to go back to the life you had before and not attempt the risk at all, or attempt the risk and hope that option B will provide a better outcome.

I could get some menial job down at one of the research stations in Antarctica. I’ve always wanted to do that.

I wouldn’t mind washing dishes for a living for the rest of my life, I really wouldn’t.

And now I’m going to stop, because I just realized how much more appealing washing researchers’ dishes sounded than grad school.

Fuck this.

Sometimes freewrites just have to happen.


Today’s song: Bad Romance by Lady GaGa (Lady GaGa always makes me feel better)