Much Ado About Bacon (or, Claudia Plays Oregon Trail III)
I can’t remember the last time I played The Oregon Trail. But I do remember that for whatever reason, I had made it my goal with each play-through to accumulate as much bacon as possible while still surviving* the trip.
Oregon Trail III (I think) had a journal feature in which you could write about your harrowing transcontinental journey. This is a saved excerpt from one of my bacon-driven travels way back when I used to have Oregon Trail on one of our computers. So who knows how old this is. Enjoy.
I now have 500 and some odd lbs. of bacon. I NEED MORE!
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I NEED BACON!!!! BACONBACONBACON!!!
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I cannot write the date today because I am severely weakened from lack of bacon…
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Bacon!
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I traded a pair of boots for 5 lbs. of bacon. If you ask me, these people have a severe bacon shortage–this must be investigated! (P.S. Who would trade their bacon for a measly pair of boots?!)
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I traded yet another pair of boots for 10 lbs. of bacon. These people don’t seem to understand the importance of bacon and are easily coaxed into trading some sort of clothing or aloe for their precious pig meat.
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Much success today!! I went into fort Kearny and got 22 LBS OF BACON!! Talk about a deal. Then we circled the wagons and I traded one of my chickens for 14 lbs. of bacon. But I did have a problem: there’s this one lady in our “wagon circles” who seems to be some sort of vegetarian–she never has any bacon! Actually, she could be some sort of bacon activist, and is hoarding her bacon in a secret bag wrapped in tin foil to soil the smell in her wagon. Hmm…
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A snake bit Jeff Goldsmith. I was generous and gave him a piece of my precious bacon to rub on the wound. Of course, he got better instantly. BACON CONQUERS ALL!
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Anna Tillman should have never agreed to come on this trip. She’s a wuss! First, while I’m hunting, she gets in my way and I shoot her! Then she discovers a truly brilliant plan of catching Cholera so’s we can pay extra special attention to her. Real dang smart. Then she gets shot again and is visited by the angel of infection. And if that wasn’t enough, she ATE SOME OF MY BACON!! ARRRRRRRRRGH!
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What’s-her-face from yesterday’s entry’s got a cold.
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You know, I don’t think Oregon’s so great anyway. If these guys we’re traveling with aren’t bringing bacon west, then what’s the point of settling the west?
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You know what this trail needs? A Jack-in-the-Box.
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ANOTHER shooting? Seriously? I thought by this date in history they’d invented aiming.
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I am so sick of this!!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!
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Let’s do the cholera dance! I have EIGHTY pounds of bacon.
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Wait. FIFTY pounds of bacon?? Something somewhere went horribly wrong. Anna Tillman, explain yourself!
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You know, if these people hoarded bacon like any smart individual would, we wouldn’t HAVE cholera issues, now would we? But nooooooooooo….
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What’s-her-face from 2 entries above died. Too bad; she was a fisherwoman. Dang, the gal could catch fish.
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Even though we suffered a death, the rest of us are all in excellent health! Even her husband! I asked him if he would like me to sit him down for some one-on-one counseling, so I could make sure he was okay, but he just said, “Naw. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go snatch Anna darlin’s anvil. Since she won’t be needin’ it!” He seems emotionally fine.
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I gave him bacon. I think he’s even BETTER now.
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Okay. This lady we keep circling the wagons with, the bacon lady, still hasn’t got any bacon!!!!!! I’ve tried and tried but I haven’t got any out of her. Why do we keep circling our wagons with this family?!?! Wait….maybe they’re stalking us!!!! Oh great. Now I’m REALLY worried…
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Bacon Lady’s got no bacon!
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Okay. Seriously. Why don’t these people we camp with have bacon. It’s like a food group, and they’re lacking it. No WONDER people are dying like flies!
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Dysentry: the other white meat.
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What’s wrong with this stinkin’ trip?!? First, there’s this bear that gets in the way of a deer I was gonna shoot. So I shot the bear. I was sure there was going to be a mauling, since every other natural disaster that’s possible had happened to us up to that point. But no, no mauling. Instead we got a prairie fire. WHAT NEXT????
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(like 20 game days later)
Oh cool, Oregon.
*survival optional for other group members.
This just in: Maggie is a Pokémon
I know, I know, I should have known by now.
Yeah. Weirdest. Dream. Ever. It was so vivid, that’s what made it trippy. I think Matt, Rebeca, some other dude that I didn’t recognize but apparently knew, Nathan, Maggie, and myself were there. We were right behind the deli thing.
Why did we have a little handheld shopping basket full of bacon? Who knows.
Why did Maggie evolve into a Spearow? WHO KNOWS.
At first we were all, “wow, Maggie’s a Spearow” but that rapidly changed to “WHERE IS SHE TAKING OUR BACON.”
Odd.
I also think I have decided what my first tattoo shall be. I’m thinking I’ll get a lambda, either on my back somewhere or on my shoulder. Why a lambda? Reasons:
1) It’s Greek. I like Greek and hope to learn it someday.
2) “Leibniz” starts with a lambda in Greek (duh).
3) Lambda is the symbol for eigenvalues, and while they’re evil to calculate, they’re necessary in FACTOR ANALYSIS, my absolute true love in the world of statistics.
4) It’s also a recurring symbol in Half-Life (just realized this), which is pretty awesome, too.
Yeah. It’s really one of the only ways I figure I can tie together my love for Leibniz and my love for factor analysis without tattooing “I love Leibniz and factor analysis!” on me somewhere.
Side note: the apartment’s MINE! I move in May 1st, but my mom’s going to come up on the 8th, as I can’t move my chair by myself, at least up several flights of stairs (the elevator is about the size of my current bathroom, which is too small for anything other than a broom closet).
Yay.
Today’s song: The Great Escape by The Rifles
Eigenblogger 