It’s AQUARIUS SEASON
Run, bitches.
Aquarians > Everyone Else (except Voltaire—that sexy Scorpio has it all going on)
Yes, I’m satisfying my ego with help of the Zodiac, despite the fact that it, though surprisingly accurate for me, is probably full of as much trickery as any “organized religion.”
Background: I’ve been surfing around on the internet all day for quotes about Aquarians. Here are the best:
“Aliens do exist. We call them ‘Aquarians.'”
“They have a love to which no other sign’s love can compare.”
“Nobody can survive without water.”
“Aquarius: they are nice and fucked in the head.”
“Who gives to all a helping hand,
But bows his head to no command–
And higher laws doth understand?
Inventor, genius, superman–
Aquarius.” (my personal favorite)
Yeah, there are just a few, but it was fun regardless. And no offense to any other sign; you know I love you all. Yes, even you Sagittarians.
Another point of interest: don’t you find the synonyms for the word “trinket” to be the coolest words in the English language? Observe: “bagatelle, bauble, bibelot, curio, doodad, gadget, ornament, sparkler, trifle”…it’s all so splendid.
What do you people want, I’m bored and desperate for school to start again!
Edit: Oh, and read Sartre’s “The Age of Reason.” Good book.
Waiter! There’s a Creationist in my Primordial Soup!
I don’t know what’s up with the presidents lately. Must be a new phase. Anyway, here’s this thing with the zodiacs, assassination attempts, and why Aquarians are basically screwed if they become president. I’ve done this before, but I don’t think I’ve ever put out an entire list of the presidents and their zodiac signs. So pick either your favorite presidents or your zodiac sign, and get to it! Damn you Capricorns for taking Millard Fillmore!
Assassination Key of Fun!
* Assassination attempt
** Successful assassination
George Washington: Pisces
John Adams: Scorpio
Thomas Jefferson: Aries
James Madison: Pisces
James Monroe: Taurus
John Quincy Adams: Cancer
Andrew Jackson: Pisces*
Martin Van Buren: Sagittarius
William Henry Harrison: Aquarius
John Tyler: Aries
James K Polk: Scorpio
Zachary Taylor: Sagittarius
Millard Fillmore: Capricorn
Franklin Pierce: Sagittarius
James Buchanan: Taurus
Abraham Lincoln: Aquarius**
Andrew Johnson: Capricorn
Ulysses S Grant: Taurus
Rutherford B Hayes: Libra
James A Garfield: Scorpio**
Chester A Arthur: Libra
Grover Cleveland: Pisces
Benjamin Harrison: Leo
William McKinley: Aquarius**
Theodore Roosevelt: Scorpio*
William Howard Taft: Virgo
Woodrow Wilson: Capricorn
Warren G Harding: Scorpio
Calvin Coolidge: Cancer
Herbert Hoover: Leo
Franklin D Roosevelt: Aquarius*
Harry S Truman: Taurus*
Dwight D Eisenhower: Libra
John F Kennedy: Gemini* *
Lyndon B Johnson: Virgo
Richard M Nixon: Capricorn
Gerald R Ford: Cancer* *
Ronald Reagan: Aquarius*
George Bush: Gemini*
Bill Clinton: Leo* *
Of those that were assassinated/almost assassinated, there was/were:
1 Taurus
2 Geminis
2 Cancers
1 Leo
1 Libra
2 Scorpios
4 Aquarians (WTF??)
1 Pisces
I love how there were no assassination attempts until Jackson came along. I also love how all Aquarians were assassinated/almost assassinated save one (William Henry Harrison, but honestly, who gives a crap about William Henry Harrison?).
Just a bit of fun for you all.
From “Aquarius” to “Virgo,” no one is safe!
I’m surprised I haven’t done this yet:
MY RANKING OF THE ZODIAC!! I hope I don’t insult anyone…
1. Aquarius—Mozart. Chekov. Lincoln. Darwin. What do all these kick-ass dudes have in common? THEY’RE AQUARIANS! Aquarians seemed to be destined either for greatness (Mozart) or great disaster (Dan Quayle). Either way, you’ve got an interesting character! Win!
2. Scorpio—with the nickname of, “the sex sign”, how could I NOT put Scorpio second on the list? Favorite activities include having sex, thinking about sex, and thinking about sex with someone other than the person with whom they are currently having sex. Favorite numbers include 69 and 96. Favorite letters are X, X, and X. I love these guys.
3. Leo—ah, yes…the “but enough about me, what do you think about me?” people. The narcissists. How could one not love a narcissist (especially the narcissist himself)? They like the mirror rooms at the fair. They like to masturbate.
Um…yeah.
I think I’ve run this one into the ground.
4. Capricorn—what the hell is a “sea goat?” It’s like a Pisces mated with a Sagittarius or something. Hmm…a fish getting it on with a centaur…
Okay, that’s done with. Except for my dad, all the Capricorn’s I’ve met (all three of them!) have been pretty cool.
5. Taurus—these people seem to cling to me, for some reason. What’s up with that? Why do I get along with Taureans so well? Maybe it’s because they’re so nice—or maybe because, deep down, they know that I’m just full of bull.
NOTE: do not attempt to run down the streets of Spain while being chased by these guys. You’ll get messed up.
6. Libra—haha, Librans. There are the good ones—my cat—and the annoying ones—Aneel’s brother. Some are vindictive and needy in a good way, others are vindictive and needy in the typical way the words “vindictive” and “needy” are perceived. Haha, Librans. Love ’em.
7. Virgo—The obsessive-compulsive, nit-picky, hypochondriac of the zodiac group. Either you love ’em or you hate ’em. Unless you are one, and in that case, you’re probably too busy making sure the margins of this blog are in the correct format to actually read what I wrote.
8. Pisces—I honestly don’t have anything against Pisces…I just can never spell “Pisces” correctly.
9. Aries—Mr. Hothead. Mr. A.D.D. These guys are great. Candida’s an Aries, which explains away a freaking lot of her screeching. If all Aries are like Candida, then the whole world will go completely deaf in approximately 7 years.
10. Gemini—I’ve only met one Gemini, so I don’t really have much to base my argument off of. Therefore, Gemini goes right under the last sign (of which I’ve met more than two people)
11. Cancer—Kinda in the same situation as Gemini, only worse—I’ve never met a Cancer (well, of course I have, but not for a long enough period to get to know them). So here they sit—in 11th place, just because I’ve never made contact with one.
12. Sagittarius—I’ve met a Sagittarius. I’ve met many of them. I have yet to figure one of these people out. Seriously. No consistent traits whatsoever. People of every other sign share at least one similar trait—at least, they do in my eyes. But not the little Sagittarians. Are they fickle? Are the neat-freaks? Are they psychopaths? Who knows? I certainly don’t.
Oh noes!
Okay…this is disturbing…
These are the 5 Aquarian presidents: William Harrison, Abraham Lincoln, William McKinley, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Ronald Reagan. Of these five, four had assassination attempts, and of those four, two were assassinated.
The only one spared of this trend was Harrison. He did die in office, like all the other Aquarians except for Reagan, but honestly, who gives a crap about Harrison? Did he do anything? I don’t recall much about him from History. He’s almost as unheard of a president as the Capricorn Millard Fillmore (“Millard who?”).
Yes, I am bored, how could you tell?
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