SLEEP IS FOR SQUARES; I HAVE ASCENDED


Let’s do a weird survey in honor of a weird year.

1. Can you cry under water?
If you’re sad enough you can.

2. What is the fattest thing you’ve ever done?
The…fattest thing? I used to eat entire packages of Chips Ahoy! cookies if that counts.

3. If you’re going to be arrested what do you want your crime to be?
Going off on someone not following COVID-prevention mandates. If I’m going to go down, I’m going to go down trying to prevent idiocy.

4. When they say dog food is “new and improved” who tastes it?
Me. ‘TIS MY SECRET JOB!!!1!

5. What’s the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen?
Myself.

6. Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
Tacky while wet + wet in bottle = no stick!

7. What historical event do you wish you’d witnessed?
Anything with Leibniz. I would love to have just been able to sit in the room with him while he was working on his calculus or building his stepped reckoner. Like…how absolutely amazing would that be?

8. Who has had the best influence on your life?
My mom! She has always been a very kind, thoughtful, considerate person, and I hope some of that rubbed off on me as a kid.

9. Would you rather go into space or to Antarctica?
Antarctica. Definitely. Like, space is coolio, but y’all know I have a thing for Antarctica.

10. Would you rather sleep with no pillow or no blankets?
Well, I’m really good at sleeping ANYWHERE and ANY TIME, so I can do without both of these. But I’d pick no pillow I guess. I could always mush some of the blankets beneath my head to act as a pillow.

11. What’s your favorite rain memory?
Uh…I actually can’t think of any. The closest “favorite” I can come up with was that time when we spent the night in Ridenbaugh before going down to Boise with the marching band. There was some “partially naked running around in the rain” going on, if I recall correctly.

12. If you were elected president, what is the first thing you would do?
Probably freak out, haha. I would not want that responsibility. Also, my charisma = 0, so there’s no way I’d ever get elected.

13. If you had $3 to spend in the dollar store, what would you buy?
1) a bag of Bugles; 2) a candy; 3) those flexible glow stick things
(I’m having flashbacks to 2008/2009 when my roommates and I went to the Dollar Store every Friday and bought the most ridiculous and fun stuff. Good times.)

14. What’s the most annoying sound in the world?
Babies/kids crying. I cannot stand that sound. I know that sound is supposed to activate my “motherly” instincts but instead it activates my “how fast can I get away from this awful, awful noise?” instincts.

15. What natural disaster scares you the most?
Fire. There aren’t a lot of things that scare me, but fire is absolutely terrifying to me. Terrifying.

What sayest thou? Speak!

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