Apparently takeout.google.com allows you to download all of your Google history.
Like, all of it.
Everything you’ve ever done through Google or a Google product.

So let’s give it a go and see what jives.

My collected data was big enough that it had to be split into four downloadable zip folders.

Oh shit, is this a list of every YouTube video I’ve watched while signed into my Google account? I think I started this account back in 2011 (when I moved to London), so…that’s a lot of videos. This could prove interesting.

Oh good lord, all my Google searches? This one took forever to load ‘cause there are like 8 billion searches. The above picture is the first search I did after getting my Gmail account, apparently.

There’s…there’s actually not as much stuff as I thought there would be. Maybe I  just don’t do too much other than YouTube and Google searching. I’m sure my every move on this planet is in there somewhere as well, but it’s not super obvious where it is or what it’s called.

Google, I am disappoint.

(Google, I am not disappoint. Please do not sneak into my bedroom at night and implant a tracker under my skin.)