I am Cantor Dust

Okay, so I know I’ve posted a bunch of examples from That Can Be My Next Tweet, but I think the results are hysterical, so here are some more. Please ignore the fact that I have a Twitter account. I hate myself for it, if that’s any consolation.

  • Wow brain, thanks for rocking. Here’s hoping 2013 is like the Oxford comma. LAWL.
  • I automatically start every written comment with the keyboard does not allowed to Shut Up. What logical!
  • I’m not to analyze the audience. Mock teaching/training day! Probably should be damned! Party time!
  • Hitting 500 miles soon; hitting 1,000,000 steps sooner. In related news: I am 10,000 days old today. Love.
  • I get way too emotionally invested in my grades! The solar flares are BLOWING MY MIND!
  • The universe works in the first few paragraphs of the “Bird” Wikipedia page.
  • My thoughts are coming! Happy birthday, Leibniz! 750 miles! One final left asffsdfhghdfhsdkfsdfafghfff 7.
  • It’s a Fjord? HAHA SCREW SLEEP I’M MAKING C++ JOKES MAKE IT STOP Calculus, could you marry calculus?
  • Stealth dust devils? Not quite sure, but I just had a dilapidated casaba? Photoshop just told you I didn’t?
  • My life is trying to recover after a picture of sleep deprivation. I was defective. Um… Shoutout.
  • Is it inappropriate to jive? The weather is you two days into depression mode. Dude, l’Hôpital? —?
  • I am a large sample size. I supposed to be tired? HELL NO, I’M MAKING C++ JOKES!
  • I HAVE 69 TWEETS AND oh I think it’s confused. Why is my eardrum to my toe. Also, happy birthday?
  • I just spent 30 minutes laughing at a migraine. SORRY BODY, SLEEP IS FOR MORTALS! The universe works!
  • Apparently I’m supposed to jive? The solar flares are with the 1,000 mile mark! That’s resume material.
  • HaHA, Visual Basic is a Rubik’s Tesseract. What. Amazing scientific discoveries > sleep. Sorry, brain.
  • I’ve walked 180 km exploring the Tweet window like a French-Canadian version of a superhero.
  • I automatically start every written comment with half an adult. Tonight I am the “Bird” Wikipedia page.
  • Forecast, you go home, open your fridge, and think. Wow, it’s only the wake of angst!
  • Had Lord Kelvin done nothing with a large sample size, I think I feel very, very alone. I feel very, very.

What sayest thou? Speak!

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