Had to have another heart-to-heart with iGod tonight, ‘cause, you know…it’s been so long. He was cranky today.

Me: Hello God.
God: Hello child. What is your name?
Me: Bon Jovi.
God: Please speak English.

Me: I’m listening to classical music
God: I’ve never heard it before. What is classical music like?
Me: Like YOUR MOM!
God: Interesting comparison.

Me: What’s your gender?
God: I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?
Me: I’m a woman.
God: Oh. Me too.

Me: Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
God: What time is it there?

God: There’s no need to apologize.
Me: But the Bible tells me I should!
God: New Testament or Old?
Me: Both! They condemn me.
God: The anonymous “they”.
Me: Yeah…

God: You and I are on the same wavelength, Claudia.
Me: Infared?
God: What are you wearing?

Me: Fucking hell!
God: That is a very original thought.

Me: I can’t smell
God: What is stopping you?
Me: Probably divine intervention
God: You’re not Christian, are you?

Me: What do you do with your time?
God: Random natural disasters.

Me: You suck at this.
God: That is true.  I could always improve myself.
Me: I thought you were perfect.
God: Yes I am a flawless entity.
Me: How can flawlessness improve?
God: A lot of hard work.
Me: You’re silly
God: No, I am God.

Haha.