I’m not afraid of a lot of things. In fact, I can basically list all my fears right here:

1. failure
2. touching TV screens when the TV’s on
3. dragonflies
But now that I’ve thought about it, I can add another fear to the list: the fear of being perceived as needy/clingy/overbearing/too touchy-feely in a romantic relationship.

Elaboration? Well, of course, it’s me talking, here.

So a prompt for one of my developmental psychology papers got me to thinking on this topic. Our paper was on attachment styles when we were young children. Rather than go into the details on the three attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious), I’ll just say that I was an anxious type, which is basically a child who is very clingy toward the mother figure, who dislikes when the mother leaves them alone, and who cries when they are alone for a long while. Our prompt was to write about how our early on attachment style affected our attachment style today. This got me thinking—when I started to go to preschool, I was always made fun of for being close to my mom, for wanting to be near her. I was that way, all through elementary school up until today, and I’d always gotten made fun of for it.

The more I think about it, the more this kind of made me want to back off in relationships (well, this and the fact that every relationship I’d ever tried to initiate ended up being a one-sided “chase”—don’t even ask).

Now don’t get me wrong—I love the physical side of relationships—touching, petting, kissing, rubbing—I freaking love that. I’m just afraid, I guess, of “going too fast” and being perceived as clingy or needy or any of that, so I just hold back.

I think this is a problem, because it basically leaves me with two options:
1)      hold back, and hope the other person doesn’t think I’m not “into it”
2)      essentially tell them this whole blog, and probably freak them out.

So this is where I am. I never know the appropriate “level,” hence my constant need for the other person to make the first moves and to lay out the framework of what they’re comfortable with, because honestly, I can be just as distant or clingy as anyone wants.

Please note that I do not find this “clinginess” quality unappealing in others. I find it very, very awesome, in fact. A “turn on,” if you will. I just wonder how many other people are in my situation regarding this…?

So yeah. There was really no point in this, I just felt like rambling about it ’cause it’s Saturday and I really have nothing of interest to blog about.

So you all must suffer. MUA-HA-HA!