Hello!

“What is love?” A question asked so many times by a Haddaway song, but never once answered.

So I was going to save the contents of this blog for Valentine’s Day, seeing as how they pertain very nicely to that specific holiday and the feelings involved with it, but I thought “screw that” when I realized that a) this is my blog, I can type whatever I want whenever I want, and b) I’m saving Valentine’s Day for a bitter “oh pity the still single soul, lost in a sea of paired lovers and loved” piece of crap (betcha can’t wait for that, eh?). Anyway.
Obligatory disclaimer: this is Claudia’s views on and perceptions of love. This by no means is a “feel sorry for me” blog. Rather, it is a “let me explain my stance on crap” blog, a way of portraying what so few people get to portray (including myself) because they have no one to sit down and discuss this with.
I almost wish I didn’t have to, but now that I’ve had my little taste of it, I feel I must spew forth an emotional deluge of my (and I cringe at this word) “feelings” toward the concept of love and what it means for both the lover and the loved.

Onward we go!

Everyone needs to be loved. Some people feel the need to be loved more strongly than others, and others feel the need to love more strongly than others. I, I believe, am in the latter category. It’s not as if I want someone to be romantic towards me, to get me flowers, to hold me and tell me I’m pretty/smart/undeniably theirs. I want someone to love. And it has to be a two-way street, not in the sense of necessary reciprocity, but the person I’m loving must have some feelings towards me. No more of this one-sided desperation that I’ve dealt with the majority of my life.

It’s like I have this incredible drive, this incredible urge to emote in the form of love, and I will gladly do so to the first person who signals to me that they want this love and whom I deem worthy of receiving it. This is why, for me, being all alone sucks. As I’ve stated, I’ve gotten my little taste of being allowed to freely love for the first time in my life, and now I don’t have that anymore, so my urge to love has once again been bottled, and I’m looking almost desperately for a place to uncap said love onto some soul who needs it and deserves it. Metaphorically (cause Claudia loves her some metaphors), it’s like a wall of water without a channel to go through (oh, can the sappiness level of this blog increase any further?!).

And yes, I must admit that there’s the reciprocity factor for me. As I’ve said, it’s not nearly as good to love when it is unreciprocated. Some could even debate that that fails to even be love. It’s not as if I’m asking for the same level of love, because I believe I possess a great quantity of the stuff, but for, well, an acknowledgement of my love towards them, I guess.

My aim in love is to make the loved feel loved. To put them on a pedestal, to give them all they need, to listen without judgment to their wishes and concerns, to be the one they can turn to without fear of needing to “pay me back” or fear of being wronged or judged. That is my love. That is what I have to offer. And not to sound as if I’m bragging or anything, but I think I’d make a good girlfriend—a good balance between being overly clingy and not present at all. A good balance between being overly concerned and not concerned at all. A good balance between friend and lover.

And that is all I have to say.

There really is no purpose of this, really.

Can you just taste the saccharine?