Tag Archives: you and me baby ain’t nothin’ but aves so let’s do it on the porch until we make tons of babies

Hey you rowdy kids, get off my lawn!

And by “lawn” I mean “balcony.”

And by “kids” I mean “pigeons.”

And by “rowdy” I mean “horny.”

12:15 PM:
Lady Pigeon lands on balcony railing, surveys the pleasant cool night.

12:16 PM:
Male Pigeon A lands next to her with obvious sexual intent.

12:16:30 PM:
Male Pigeon B lands on other side of female with same intent as Male Pigeon A.

12:16:31 PM:
Male Pigeon A disapproves of Male Pigeon B and puffs out his chest dramatically.

12:17 PM – 12:20 PM:
[Incessant angry cooing]

12:21 PM:
Male Pigeon A has had enough and flies over to Male Pigeon B’s side of Lady Pigeon.

12: 21 PM – 12:30 PM:
Male Pigeons A and B proceed to peck the crap out of each other.

12:31 PM:
Pigeon B has had enough of this nonsense and flies away, defeated.

12:31:30 PM:
Pigeon A does victory prance along metal railing.

12:32 PM – 12:40 PM
BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!

Eight minutes of glorious, noisy, feathery pigeon sex.

The worst part is that I had my balcony door wide open for all of this; I didn’t want to close it for fear of interrupting them, ‘cause they might have been just startled enough to panic and fly in here. Angry sex-interrupted pigeons are probably the last things I need right now. I also would have shouted at them to get a room, but that’d probably cause them to fly in here, too. “Screw you, lady, I just pigeon-pecked the hell out of that other dude, now I’m GETTIN’ IT ON!!!”

I’ve never seen pigeons out so late. I guess horniness knows no time.
I also saw two squirrels getting down in a trash can this afternoon.
Spring has arrived in Vancouver.

Today’s song: Wavin’ Flag by K’naan